u/Miss-Elle18

I can't remember when I first started feeling this way.

Maybe sometime last year, I realized that i had been having trouble with my brain fog and my memory. I think it started because of all the stress from work. You know how when your memory works properly, you can just remember almost anything and you can just feel that your brain is working. Well that is not how i feel, it just feels like my brain is empty, like i can barely feel or see any thoughts ( i dunno if that makes sense). I just feel like I am existing. It's gotten so bad to the point that I can't cry and whenever I do, it just hurts to cry honestly. I just feel like I am existing and that I am on autopilot mode. I can't even remember what i had for breakfast two days ago or what i did a couple of days ago. I am just tired. I am sorry if all that you see on my page is me complaining about how tired I am but I just don't have anyone else to speak to about this.

I can't remember when I first started feeling this way.

Maybe sometime last year, I realized that i had been having trouble with my brain fog and my memory. I think it started because of all the stress from work. You know how when your memory works properly, you can just remember almost anything and you can just feel that your brain is working. Well that is not how i feel, it just feels like my brain is empty, like i can barely feel or see any thoughts ( i dunno if that makes sense). I just feel like I am existing. It's gotten so bad to the point that I can't cry and whenever I do, it just hurts to cry honestly. I just feel like I am existing and that I am on autopilot mode. I can't even remember what i had for breakfast two days ago or what i did a couple of days ago. I am just tired. I am sorry if all that you see on my page is me complaining about how tired I am but I just don't have anyone else to speak to about this.

I just came across a post where someone talked about how an ordinary life is often looked down upon and I couldn't help but agree with the post. The individual explained how we look at ambition as a means of higher status, more money, chasing the next milestone etc.

I couldn't help but feel like I am one of these individuals that do look down on an ordinary life when it comes to myself and not others. Whenever I notice that someone is living an ordinary peaceful life, I just feel so happy for them however, when it comes to me I feel like I am not doing enough. I feel like I constantly have to be working towards the next thing or that my life is just not okay or that I am constantly comparing myself to others and I hate that feeling. I honestly just want a good paying job, a lovely home, maybe a nice car and just my tiny friend group and my family.

I feel that as humans we should each have our own meaning of success and ambition. One person's meaning of success may look totally different from your meaning of success but it does not mean that you are not successful.

I hope that my post can help anyone that is out there who feels like me know that they are doing the best that they can and sometimes that we are just too hard on ourselves.

As the title says I think I might have a problem. I can barely act normal in public, my brain works faster than my mouth. I would get asked a question and would reply with assurance yet will be like no let me check.

Last week I was having a conversation with my sister and she kept interrupting me so I shouted at her to stop because I am not yet done with what i was saying. She then starts to make fun of how I act in public and then says I am masculine and how I act like a man. I was so embarrassed because my neighbors could hear everything that was being said. I just shut down for the rest of the day honestly. Today again we were having a conversation and she did the same thing. Then started shouting how i am not civilized. I honestly hate having conversations with her. Its like she is quick to make you feel embarrassed yet when the same is done to her she then wants to get super angry.

Every time she does this, I honestly am convinced I am just a really awkward person. It sucks because everyone else looks and acts normal and here i am. Sometimes I honestly feel like an alien living with my family. I really hate when she does this, because it just makes me feel like i am being bullied all over again. Its gotten to the point that the stuff she mocks me for her 6 year old daughter mocks me for it as well.

Sometimes I would be feeling alright then all of a sudden I just feel this random wave of sadness hit me. It would maybe be about something that happened maybe two months ago, but mostly I don't even know why I am sad most of the times. I also noticed that I am weird in having conversations with others, I would sometimes block my face with my hands or whenever the conversation is over I would say okay and then thumbs up to the individual. My god why do I have to be such an awkward individual. Argh!!!!

I hate it here.

As the title says I think I might have a problem. I can barely act normal in public, my brain works faster than my mouth. I would get asked a question and would reply with assurance yet will be like no let me check.

Last week I was having a conversation with my sister and she kept interrupting me so I shouted at her to stop because I am not yet done with what i was saying. She then starts to make fun of how I act in public and then says I am masculine and how I act like a man. I was so embarrassed because my neighbors could hear everything that was being said. I just shut down for the rest of the day honestly. Today again we were having a conversation and she did the same thing. Then started shouting how i am not civilized. I honestly hate having conversations with her. Its like she is quick to make you feel embarrassed yet when the same is done to her she then wants to get super angry.

Every time she does this, I honestly am convinced I am just a really awkward person. It sucks because everyone else looks and acts normal and here i am. Sometimes I honestly feel like an alien living with my family. I really hate when she does this, because it just makes me feel like i am being bullied all over again. Its gotten to the point that the stuff she mocks me for her 6 year old daughter mocks me for it as well.

I hate it here.

I have no desire to be alive anymore. I just feel numb. I have no idea what's happening. My brain honestly just feels empty. Work has been a huge stress, it's just the two of us employees who are trying to handle the office. I keep doing the wrong things. I keep applying to new jobs and I'm not getting anywhere. The fucking salary is so small that I have to decide exactly what I'm gonna do for the month based on which one is more important. I just want to disappear. I honestly cannot.

Each and every day I feel like I am close to crashing out or having a break down. I am just so fucking tired man. I just feel like I am existing.

Me and this guy started talking and we met up like three times.

It has been a calm little vibe so far. He was even my first kiss, it's just been pecks but that still a big deal to me. He is actually the only person I am speaking to at the moment because I don't speak to multiple people at once, if I am speaking to one person with intention I make sure it's only that person.

Once while texting he mentioned wanting to feel my ass so I told home that he cannot do that since that's what couples do and we are not one, he then stated oh, but if he was to do it would that make us one. I quickly confess that he is confusing me since we are talking to each other but I know his intentions yet the actions don't match. We continued the convo and the next time we met we ended up kissing again, he started kissing me all over my neck and I ended up bringing the conversation up again. I also told him that I don't feel comfortable with us kissing and stuff and then it ends up not going anywhere. Then he said that we have potential to date but we only know each other on a surface level and that at the end he will see if we are compatible to date. I did let him know that he was the only person I was speaking to with intentions which is the truth, and he said same here. That night I gave him a hug before I went home which seemed like he did not want to let me go. Keep in mind that I told him I am not rushing him to put a label on anything as yet. I am scared that I am ruining things since we have not spoken since the last time and I am scared to text him because if i do want to ask a meaningful question and not just surface level questions.

I fear that I may have come across annoying to him or that I may have started talking about these things too early and scared him off. What really hurts is that for the first time I decided to give this a chance and this happens. I have never had a boyfriend so I am inexperienced. I may have come off as annoying or a weirdo. Sigh, here I go ruining things again. I think that's the reason why I stay to myself because I ruin things, I can barely maintain my friendships and here I am thinking I can maintain a relationship.

Six months ago I made a post about how exhausted I was feeling and truth be told I think that was one of the times I was at my absolute lowest.

Now I am starting to feel the same way. It started sometime last month. I started feeling numb and exhausted. I am actually crying while typing this, I am sorry.

I started speaking to a guy then I started to feel something then I became numb again. Then I started to have all these thoughts that I may be ruining things, btw it's been a week since we have last spoken to each other, I want to reach out but I am scared since he said he doesn't like small conversations and I did agree because I hate small conversations but I don't know what to talk about, have not done that talking stage in a long time.

My performance at work these past few days has gotten worse. I even forgot how to do basic subtractions manually. I can't concentrate, my memory has totally been non-existent, can't remember anything. I even forget to use the washrooms at times. Like I will make a mental note to use it after I have been done with a chore or task then when I am done I completely forget that I have to until the sensation to do so returns.I wake up with anxiety every morning. Every little thing is irritating, to make it worse I feel like I am faking it because I would feel okay then a wave of sadness just hits me. Even in public spaces and at work I just start to cry. Then whenever I deeply sigh, my oldest sister will say that I need to stop and it is irritating. I explained to her that sometimes I can't control it. She irritates me with this. Some days I would feel numb. It just feels like I am existing while feeling extremely low.

What's even weird is that I don't wanna be here anymore but I don't want to cause harm to myself but I simply don't want to exist anymore.