u/MissTeriousGal

I’m really struggling with whether I should reach out to my ex, and I’d love some advice. I am 31F, he is 30M. We were together for a year and a half, broke up once in the middle due to logistics, but he reached back out and we got back together. I was extremely attached to him and we were codependent at times, but I have not yet lost my attachment to him/thinking he is my only safe person, and I’m so stuck.

We broke up over 15 months ago, and I honestly have not been the same since. He ended things extremely unexpectedly over text and would not even speak on the phone with me, so I never had any sort of understanding or closure why he broke up with me. Ultimately, I think it was due to incompatibility (logistics, goals etc) and not for the lack of love we had. I did reach out a year ago and he didn’t respond, but maybe it was too soon.

I’ve dated other people and with my previous relationships, I was usually over them within a few months. This breakup though feels completely different. I still think about him a lot. Our relationship felt incredibly deep and loving to me, and the more I date and hear about other people’s relationships, the more I realize how special ours actually was. I keep seeing people in relationships that, from the outside, seem less healthy or less compatible than ours, and yet they’re moving in together, getting married, etc. Meanwhile, ours ended, and I’m really becoming bitter about it.

I’ve also had a really hard time dating since the breakup. I recently went on a date with someone I had a great conversation with over text, and in person there was basically no chemistry. It just reinforced this feeling that what I had with my ex was a “once in a lifetime” connection, and that’s where I’m stuck.

It’s scary because I actually don’t know what my ex thinks or feels about me now and that’s where I start holding onto hope. At the same time, part of of me thinks I should just leave him alone and accept that it’s been 15 months and if he wanted to reach out, he would have. But overall, I can’t let go of the “maybe things will rekindle in the future hope” and that is what keeping me stuck.

I’m holding onto this hope that maybe someday we’d reconnect. Not necessarily that I’d text him and immediately ask to get back together, but that we’d start talking again, have some contact, see how we’re doing, and maybe eventually realize there is still something there. Basically, I think I’m hoping that opening the door could eventually lead to rekindling things. At this point I think that’s why I want to reach out.

Right now, I still have this little dream that maybe he would want to try again. As long as I don’t ask, I don’t have to find out that the dream is impossible.
If I reach out and he says he doesn’t want to reconnect, I could potentially finally start letting go because I’d have an answer. But I’m scared that I’ll be absolutely crushed and unable to accept there is no hope anymore.

I also feel embarrassed that I’m still this attached after 15 months. With my other exes, I moved on. What if he’s completely over me and I’m sitting here obsessing over someone who hasn’t thought about me in years?

So I’m stuck between:

Don’t reach out: preserve the hope, keep the door open, but potentially spend years wondering “what if?”

Reach out: potentially find out there is still something there, but risk destroying the hope I’ve been holding onto if he doesn’t feel the same or has moved on to someone else.

Would you reach out in this situation? And if you have been in this situation, what was the outcome?

I’m really struggling with whether I should reach out to my ex, and I’d love some advice. (Edit to add: he broke up with me. I reached out 12 months ago over text and he read the message but never responded.)

We broke up over 15 months ago, and I honestly have not been the same since. I’ve dated other people and with my previous relationships, I was usually over them within a few months. This breakup though feels completely different. I still think about him a lot. Our relationship felt incredibly deep and loving to me, and the more I date and hear about other people’s relationships, the more I realize how special ours actually was. I keep seeing people in relationships that, from the outside, seem less healthy or less compatible than ours, and yet they’re moving in together, getting married, etc. Meanwhile, ours ended, and I’m really becoming bitter about it.

I’ve also had a really hard time dating since the breakup. I recently went on a date with someone I had a great conversation with over text, and in person there was basically no chemistry. It just reinforced this feeling that what I had with my ex was a once-in-a-lifetime connection, and that’s where I’m stuck.

It’s scary because I actually don’t know what my ex thinks or feels about me now and that’s where I start holding onto hope. At the same time, part of of me thinks I should just leave him alone and accept that it’s been 15 months and if he wanted to reach out, he would have. But overall, I can’t let go of the “maybe things will rekindle in the future hope” and that is what keeping me stuck.

I’m holding onto this hope that maybe someday we’d reconnect. Not necessarily that I’d text him and immediately ask to get back together, but that we’d start talking again, have some contact, see how we’re doing, and maybe eventually realize there is still something there. Basically, I think I’m hoping that opening the door could eventually lead to rekindling things. At this point I think that’s why I want to reach out.

Right now, I still have this little dream that maybe he would want to try again. As long as I don’t ask, I don’t have to find out that the dream is impossible.
If I reach out and he says he doesn’t want to reconnect, I could potentially finally start letting go because I’d have an answer. But I’m scared that I’ll be absolutely crushed and unable to accept there is no hope anymore.

I also feel embarrassed that I’m still this attached after 15 months. With my other exes, I moved on. What if he’s completely over me and I’m sitting here obsessing over someone who hasn’t thought about me in years?

So I’m stuck between:

Don’t reach out: preserve the hope, keep the door open, but potentially spend years wondering “what if?”

Reach out: potentially find out there is still something there, but risk destroying the hope I’ve been holding onto if he doesn’t feel the same or has moved on to someone else.

Would you reach out in this situation? And if you have been in this situation, what was the outcome?

As the title says, I’m still heartbroken. I am 31F he was a year younger, and we were together for a year and a half (I was codependent). My ex and I had an instant connection from our first date. He was thoughtful, kind, emotionally supportive, and we genuinely felt like best friends. We had inside jokes, amazing trips together, and I truly felt safe with him. We ultimately broke up over a combination of incompatibilities (kids, lifestyle, where to live) and some painful relationship dynamics that I take responsibility for. I also got sober during the relationship, and he was incredibly supportive of that. He ended things so suddenly just over a year ago because he didn’t see our lives aligning and was emotionally exhausted.

We were doing distance at the time and he suddenly broke up with me. He canceled his trip to visit and he refused to call me and speak after he sent me the breakup text and I haven’t spoken to him since that day. I texted him about 10 months ago and he enter responded. The lack of closure has eaten me away and I truly feel like a shell of a human. I can’t stop feeling like I ruined my only chance at real love.

I’ve done everything I was “supposed” to do over the past year: therapy, medication, staying sober, dating, focusing on work and grad school. But I still wake up thinking about him most days.

Today has been especially hard because of the World Cup. He’s a huge Spain fan, and I lived in Spain too, so instead of enjoying it I’m obsessing over whether he’s at the game, how happy he must be, whether he’s with someone else, and replaying all of our memories. It feels like my brain won’t let me move on.

The hardest part is the regret. I keep thinking I didn’t fully appreciate what I had until it was gone. I replay every decision wondering if I could have saved us, and I’m terrified that he was my person and I simply lost him because of my own mistakes.

On top of that, I’ve been struggling with depression. Life has felt gray since the breakup. I don’t really feel joy anymore. I don’t feel excited about the future. I feel like I have no purpose, and dating has only made me more convinced that what we had was incredibly rare.

Has anyone else been stuck like this a year later? If you genuinely believed you had lost the love of your life, what actually helped? Did you ever heal?

As the title says, I’m still heartbroken. I am 31F he was a year younger, and we were together for a year and a half. My ex and I had an instant connection from our first date. He was thoughtful, kind, emotionally supportive, and we genuinely felt like best friends. We had inside jokes, amazing trips together, and I truly felt safe with him. We ultimately broke up over a combination of incompatibilities (kids, lifestyle, where to live) and some painful relationship dynamics that I take responsibility for. I also got sober during the relationship, and he was incredibly supportive of that. He ended things so suddenly just over a year ago because he didn’t see our lives aligning and was emotionally exhausted.

We were doing distance at the time and he suddenly broke up with me. He canceled his trip to visit and he refused to call me and speak after he sent me the breakup text and I haven’t spoken to him since that day. I texted him about 10 months ago and he enter responded. The lack of closure has eaten me away and I truly feel like a shell of a human. I can’t stop feeling like I ruined my only chance at real love.

I’ve done everything I was “supposed” to do over the past year: therapy, medication, staying sober, dating, focusing on work and grad school. But I still wake up thinking about him most days.

Today has been especially hard because of the World Cup. He’s a huge Spain fan, and I lived in Spain too, so instead of enjoying it I’m obsessing over whether he’s at the game, how happy he must be, whether he’s with someone else, and replaying all of our memories. It feels like my brain won’t let me move on.

The hardest part is the regret. I keep thinking I didn’t fully appreciate what I had until it was gone. I replay every decision wondering if I could have saved us, and I’m terrified that he was my person and I simply lost him because of my own mistakes.

On top of that, I’ve been struggling with depression. Life has felt gray since the breakup. I don’t really feel joy anymore. I don’t feel excited about the future. I feel like I have no purpose, and dating has only made me more convinced that what we had was incredibly rare.

Has anyone else been stuck like this a year later? If you genuinely believed you had lost the love of your life, what actually helped? Did you ever heal?

As I’m for surgeons for potential disc replacement - what type of surgeon should I look for? Orthopedic or neurosurgeon? Is there a difference, or just someone with good reviews?

For my case - I would be looking for disc replacement on my C5/C6 level, foraminal stenosis and nerve impingement but no nerve damage or spinal cord impingement.

Thanks in advance!

My ex and I had what I genuinely felt was a very loving relationship. He was incredibly thoughtful, caring, emotionally supportive, funny, and made me feel deeply loved. He’d make me playlists, give me little meaningful gifts, remember small details about me, and overall just made me feel very safe and cared for. We were best friends and I’ve honestly never connected with someone like that before.

The relationship had some issues, but nothing major, but many of I blame myself for. I struggled with insecurity (especially around one of his female friends), and when I drank I sometimes became reactive and said hurtful things during arguments that I deeply regret. He eventually told me he felt emotionally exhausted, isolated from friends, and overwhelmed by the relationship.

There were also some incompatibilities around lifestyle/future stuff, but emotionally it still felt like we were each other’s person. He even said I was his person. He wanted me to move to be with him (we were long distance for part of our relationship) but I had hesitations and fears. I was worried about giving up my entire life for him, and closing off the possibility of having kids because he was childfree and I was still on the fence. Eventually he cancelled a planned trip and ended the relationship. I reached out once after and he never responded.

And what hurts the most is there was a female friend of his who said some really rude things about me and us, crossed boundaries, and I really didn’t like her. We had many arguments about her and how I wanted her out of his life. He was resistant because he didn’t think she did anything wrong and she was in his friend group so he asked her to have a conversation with us 3 to repair things and she refused. He ended up removing her on social media and blocking her. I noticed after we broke up he refollowed her on social media which felt like a punch in the gut. I felt he chose her over me and it feels like he realized I was the problem. I feel betrayed and know if I reach out it would be a problem again, but it’s probably all my fault.

It’s been about a year and I still feel stuck. I feel like I’ve lost my spark. I have worked a lot on myself, but I can’t stop feeling like I ruined the best relationship I’ll ever have. Now I don’t even know if I want kids and I would 100% move for him. I just wish this feeling happened sooner. I still think about him constantly and desperately want to text him, but I’m terrified of rejection or finding out he’s moved on.

I just have no idea how to get over this or what to do, I feel like I ruined my shot and I’ll be alone forever now. Dating has gone horribly, I feel like I either get rejected or I’m not interested in them. My ex and I clicked SO quickly. Especially since it’s been a year and I still feel this way, I feel it must mean something. I desperately want him back but signs point to him not wanting me.

Why did he break up with me if I was his person? How do I accept this or process this grief? Should I reach out?

Having a very painful experience trying TMS. I did one session of TMS where we positioned the helmet and lowered the intensity so I didn’t feel pain, but I every other time I’ve tried at higher intensity I’ve felt a sharp pain whenever the machine is tapping. The tech said I cannot stay at the lower intensity as I wouldn’t get any benefit that low. I feel it in my temple region, it sends a shooting pain through my eye socket to my nose. Feels like a bad headache, so bad that I’ve had to stop after the first few seconds. I have a painful herniated disc and pinched nerve in my C5/C6 region. Could this be contributing? Has anyone else felt this pain?

Hey everyone, I’m feeling pretty frustrated and overwhelmed with my current pain levels due to my cervical herniated disc so I’d really appreciate any insight.

This all started back in December after I slept weird, I woke up with neck pain. Over time it progressed into numbness and tingling down my arm. I did 6 weeks of PT with little to no improvement so I was referred to a specialist and got an MRI, which showed a C5/6 disc extrusion.

Treatment so far includes:

- PT (discontinued, but do some at-home exercises)

- OTC meds (PRN), gabapentin

- epidural steroid injection about 6 weeks ago, which actually helped a lot at first and reduced numbness, tingling, and pain. Have a 2nd translaminar injection scheduled.

- scheduled for acupuncture

I’m 31 years old and very active (climbing, lifting, running, cycling) and I have started exercising again (especially climbing + bike rides), and my symptoms came back and are now pretty severe again. My doctor is suggesting I back off which is a huge bummer for me.

I currently have a constant deep, dull neck pain that spreads into my shoulder and upper back. My neck muscles from neck, shoulder and near my scapula are all super sore and tight. In certain movements I feel sharp nerve pain down my arm, into the top of my forearm.

Pain is triggered by turning my head (especially left), looking up, and bending forward.

I’ve also noticed huge weakness / decreased strength in that arm, which is very concerning. I used to be able to do 4 pull ups without training, and now I can’t even do one. My arms get “stuck” when I hit 90 degrees, I feel like I have no strength.

At this point it’s honestly pretty debilitating and I can’t do most of the activities I love.

My questions:

- Did I just trigger a flare, or did I actually make the disc issue/nerve pinching worse?

- Is it normal for symptoms to come back like this after an injection helped?

- At what point do you consider surgery with something like this?

- Has anyone had this pattern (improvement after injection and flare with activity) and come out of it without surgery?

I feel like I did everything “right” (PT, injection, easing back into activity), and now I’m back to square one or worse. Any advice would really mean a lot right now.

Hey everyone, I’m feeling pretty frustrated and overwhelmed with my current pain levels due to my cervical herniated disc so I’d really appreciate any insight.

This all started back in December after I slept weird, I woke up with neck pain. Over time it progressed into numbness and tingling down my arm. I did 6 weeks of PT with little to no improvement so I was referred to a specialist and got an MRI, which showed a C5/6 disc extrusion.

Treatment so far includes:

- PT (discontinued, but do some at-home exercises)

- OTC meds (PRN), gabapentin

- epidural steroid injection about 6 weeks ago, which actually helped a lot at first and reduced numbness, tingling, and pain. Have a 2nd translaminar injection scheduled.

I’m very active (climbing, lifting, running, cycling) and I have started exercising again (especially climbing + bike rides), and my symptoms came back and are now pretty severe again. My doctor is suggesting I back off which is a huge bummer for me.

I currently have a constant deep, dull neck pain that spreads into my shoulder and upper back. My neck muscles from neck, shoulder and near my scapula are all super sore and tight. In certain movements I feel sharp nerve pain down my arm, into the top of my forearm.

Pain is triggered by turning my head (especially left), looking up, and bending forward.

I’ve also noticed huge weakness / decreased strength in that arm, which is very concerning. I used to be able to do 4 pull ups without training, and now I can’t even do one. My arms get “stuck” when I hit 90 degrees, I feel like I have no strength.

At this point it’s honestly pretty debilitating and I can’t do most of the activities I love.

My questions:

- Did I just trigger a flare, or did I actually make the disc issue worse again?

- Is it normal for symptoms to come back like this after an injection helped?

- At what point do you consider surgery with something like this?

- Has anyone had this pattern (improvement after injection and flare with activity) and come out of it without surgery?

I feel like I did everything “right” (PT, injection, easing back into activity), and now I’m back to square one or worse. Any advice would really mean a lot right now.