u/MissionAd9883

Mood Spoiler: A heavy, depressing read

Trigger warnings: >! Rape, Emotional abuse, Disordered Eating!<

This is a particularly saddening post for me to put together, as India is yet to criminalize marital rape despite courts pushing for it. If this has occurred to OOP post her wedding, we would be hearing a different chain of events than these updates bring us.

As always, I am not the OOP. That would be u/the_rice_life

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Broke off my engagement because consent was not respected

posted by u/the_rice_life in r/TwoXIndia on April 18, 2026

I was in a long term relationship and was supposed to marry last year. But one thing led to another and last year because some of my relatives passed away so the wedding was postponed.

My ex always had a higher libido than me and while mine is on the lower side. When we were doing long distance before, then it wasn’t a big issue and we have lived together for past 4 years almost.

Past couple of years we had a lot of friction regarding intimacy. We managed to solve our differences but his need for intimacy and penetrative sex grew exponentially. We started having on and off fights.

He’s going through a rough time professionally also. So sex became his coping mechanism and that started to cause more friction. Like this man was so understanding and rational before, now fought about the frequency of sex.

Few days ago we had sex and he left a lot of hickeys. I was okay that day as he had asked. The next day I was laying next to him and he didn’t ask for my consent. Wide opened my leg and penetrated me and ejaculated inside me. I was crying in disbelief. I packed my bags and took my dogs and left for my hometown immediately.

I left the ring at his place and broke things off. My phone has been bombed by calls and texts. He doesn’t seem very apologetic about it and rather is worried about how this breakup will affect his image.

His mother calls me and tries to convince me. She was justifying, saying that fights and wanting time and intimacy was because he loves me too much. I politely cut the call saying that I can’t continue this and will file a restraining order if they keep bombing my phone.

I loved this man so much. We were together for 6 years now. Never expected him to become this demon. I’m unable to process all of this and I feel so violated. I’m disgusted of my own body.

OOP Comments:

>I had to run for my life. I had to take refuge at a guy friend’s place very late at night because it got worse. My ex was fumed and he started yelling and calling me names

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Update 1

Posted April 22, 2026 by u/the_rice_life in r/TwoXIndia

This is the original post and I’m so thankful for all of you for your support. I wanted to reach out individually but my mental state is all over the place.

I’ve reached my hometown today and till yesterday what happened is a series of unfortunate circumstances. My ex abused me a lot on the call from various numbers. His mother called me names.

He called me a wh0re, s£ut, opportunistic and a manipulative woman. Suddenly after breaking up people are giving him tips about me and also called me a cheat because I took refuge at a guy friend’s place. Said that people always had bad taste about me as I make people fight. So far I was the best person till I didn’t comply to his demands of sex.

Yesterday they bombed all of our phones and said that they want all the gifts back. His mother said, “how can you not love the person but love the gifts?”This started because I told a mutual friend about the abuse and they happen to confront my ex. The ring was already in our flat and I sent double the estimated amount of money that he could have spent on me.

Ex and his parents wanted to meet in person and possibly humiliate mine. They wanted the “gifts” and money in person There were 50+ calls in all our phones. We had to involve police and they stopped calling us for good. Like his mother was hell bent on fighting with my mother and the narrative of me being a cheat is all over.

What makes it worse is that my ex said something so lowly, I never foul mouthed him. He said, “you’re a woman and you came to my bed. The world knows who’s what.” That broke something so deep in me and that I’ve to prove my abuse socially too. He also said that he’s not letting me off the hook easily.

FIR (First Information Report) has been filed. My lawyer has all the evidences ready. All texts and call records are available. CCTV footage of him barging in my friend’s house too. All numbers are blocked and we’re not picking up any calls and laying low. But I’m pretty sure that they’ll consider this cowardice and create more drama.

My world flipped so quickly and this bad that I’m having a very hard time keeping calm. I had built a reputation around me and it came down crashing when I had to prove my abuse.

I don’t even know what’s going to happen and will I ever recover from this. I don’t know if I’ll make out of this mess alive. I wasn’t expecting this level of drama. I’m scared.

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Update-2

Posted by u/the_rice_life in r/TwoXIndia on May 6, 2026

This is what had happened.

TW :- mental health crisis discussions

The threatening calls have stopped, no chasing me around and my lawyers are doing phenomenal with the case. It’s an on going case and so I can’t speak more about it because I could be doxxed. I’ve also got my period so there’s one less thing to worry about now. But there’s silence now and it’s both calming and terrifying at the same time.

I don’t know what day it is and I’ve lost track of time. I’ve developed an eating disorder, I get panic attacks on a regular basis. Smiling one moment and then a minor inconvenience can make me cry. I cried sometime ago because I didn’t feel like getting up for drinking water. I’m very scared of going outdoors without a company and I fear that I’ll never be able to get past this fear.

I’ve no siblings and my parents are old and they can’t accompany me everywhere. They’ve had their share of humiliation and now they’re worrying over time. Some relatives have made it a point to let me know what an asshole I’m. That’s making parents even more uncomfortable. So I refrain talking about things to them.

I’m contemplating to restart therapy but I can muster the courage to restart talking about whatever happened. I want to forget all of it like a bad dream. But I just can’t. At random hours of the day, I hear those voices calling me wh0r€, s£ut. My ex chasing me at my friend’s place. Phone ringing gives me massive anxiety.

The irony in all this is that I have massive trust issues and I doubt my ability to recognise people. But I still want companionship and safety because I have no one to turn upto. Something is so wrong with myself and I can’t dim that want down. Yes, friends are being supportive but they are also getting uncomfortable looking at my situation I believe.

I’ve lost control of myself, my emotions. I’m so tired and I want to rest without having to worry about anything. Atleast one night of no overthinking and peaceful sleep. Like a baby who has nothing to worry about what will happen the next morning.

I’m tired.

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Marking this as ongoing as legal proceedings are still going on.

Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

I honestly don’t even know how to process my marriage anymore and I need outside perspective because my reality feels shattered.

My husband and I have been together for over 9 years, married almost 7. We built a home together, had a baby, renovated our house, planned a future. I moved countries for this man. I left behind my family, friends, familiarity, my support system — everything. I worked jobs I absolutely hated at times because we were prioritizing his schooling, career moves, and opportunities that would bring more income and stability for our future together. I truly believed we were building a life as a team.

About a month ago, my entire world collapsed.

I found out he had been cheating on me for over 3 years with escorts/prostitutes. Not one mistake. Not one drunken night. An entire hidden life.

And somehow it gets worse.

About 2.5 years ago he brought an STD home to me. I was completely blind to what was actually happening. When I confronted him, he turned it around on me and suggested maybe I had cheated. Then he reassured me it “couldn’t be him,” and I believed him. I genuinely thought maybe one of us somehow got it years ago and just never got tested for it. Thankfully it was something treatable with antibiotics, but mentally it destroyed me after learning the truth.

The hardest part is that he says he “didn’t want feelings attached” and “didn’t want to lose me.” Meanwhile I was home raising our 9-month-old, working full time, trying to survive postpartum, trying to hold our household together, and trying to make our relationship work — believing intimacy struggles were something we could heal together as a couple.

Then a month ago he admitted that during a training trip for his license in California, he hired an escort to stay with him at his hotel for multiple days. According to him, she stayed longer because she “liked him,” and over those few days he developed feelings for her. They started talking about an actual future together — her moving into my house, him proposing a polyamorous relationship, and building some fantasy life together while I was home with our child.

What completely shattered me is that they were even discussing creating a fake “origin story” for her so people in our lives would not know she was an escort if she moved here. It made me realize how deep the deception actually went.

And like a lot of people with betrayal trauma, my brain started spiraling trying to understand what was real and what was a lie. We shared passwords for years, and he was extremely good at hiding everything. Deleted emails, hidden conversations, lies layered on top of lies. But eventually I found email chains with other escorts and realized he had even tried inviting one to our apartment while I was away — during the same time I was pregnant and going through a difficult pregnancy.

That part especially broke something in me. The idea that strangers were being brought into the home and space I considered safe while I was carrying our baby feels deeply violating.

I also found messages, photos, plans, promises between him and the escort from California. And what hurts even more is that after everything came out, he promised he would cut contact with her, go to couples therapy, and focus on healing our relationship at least enough to become healthy co-parents. But he continued lying and continued contact behind my back again.

The craziest part to me is that no emotionally healthy person throws away a marriage, a family, a child, a home, and years of shared history over a one-month fantasy relationship with an escort. I knew for years that my husband had emotional issues and unresolved problems, but he refused therapy over and over again.

What they had existed in a completely controlled environment — hotels, trips, excitement, no responsibilities, no baby waking them up at night, no bills, no real-life accountability. Of course it felt exciting and easy. It was basically an escape from reality.

But I also think people in situations like this wear rose-colored glasses. They confuse fantasy, validation, and escapism with real love. Real relationships are built in ordinary life, through responsibility, loyalty, stress, sacrifice, and consistency — not during a few days in a hotel while paying someone to be there.

Looking back now, I realize how much instability he brought into my life long before I knew about the cheating. Constant impulsive decisions. Need for validation. Lying and exaggerating reality to impress people. Wanting admiration from everyone around him. I kept hoping maturity would come with time.

Financially, emotionally, mentally — I feel like I sacrificed everything for our future while he was living a double life. Over the past couple months alone, he spent thousands of dollars on this woman while our family life was falling apart.

What destroys me most is the level of deception. This wasn’t just cheating. This was manipulation of my reality for years. Taking away my ability to make informed decisions about my own life, health, marriage, finances, and future.

At this point, staying is no longer an option. I don’t recognize this person anymore and I don’t think trust can survive this level of betrayal. The part I’m struggling with now is accepting that the future I built my entire life around is gone, and figuring out how to rebuild myself after all of this.

Has anyone gone through rebuilding their life after something like this? How did you even begin?

My wife (34F) and I (36M) have been together for 12 years, married for 9, and we have a 6 year old son together. About two months ago she sat me down and told me she “wasn’t happy anymore” and felt emotionally disconnected from me. At the time, she said she wanted us to try therapy and work on things, which honestly gave me hope.

Since then I’ve been trying hard. Spending more time with her, helping more around the house, planning date nights, listening better, all the things I probably should’ve done consistently before. I truly thought things were improving between us. We were laughing again, talking more, even being affectionate sometimes.

Then last weekend she told me she’s done and wants a divorce.

She said she cares about me deeply but doesn’t love me romantically anymore and hasn’t for a while. Apparently she had been emotionally checking out long before she told me. Hearing that completely shattered me because meanwhile I thought we were rebuilding.

The part that’s making this even harder is that we still live together because financially neither of us can move out right away. We’re sleeping in separate rooms while trying to act somewhat normal around our son. Some moments feel almost normal and then I remember she’s mentally already gone.

Now we’re discussing custody, finances, lawyers, and all the practical stuff while I still feel emotionally stuck in “how do I save this?”

For people who went through this:
How do you mentally accept that someone who was your person for over a decade suddenly doesn’t want the life you built together anymore? And how do you stop obsessing over every interaction hoping they’ll change their mind?

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Parking-Potato-9891

Originally posted to r/raisedbynarcissists

Kept the birth of my child private and now I’m paying for it.

Trigger Warnings: >!abuse and manipulation, false allegations of abuse!<

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Original Post: March 6, 2026

Hello! So I posted this situation in another community, but it got taken down so I wanted to try again here because a lot of commenters on the last post recommended this one.

I had a baby just over a month ago. My husband and I decided we wanted everything about the delivery to be private - no visitors at all. We just thought it may reduce some stress, and we felt it was an intimate moment for just the two of us to share.

Anyway, my delivery was long and hard and ended in a c section. We ended up not telling anybody that our baby was born until about 24 hours after the fact because we were just exhausted and wanted to be sure nobody showed up without an invitation.

My husband’s family reacted so well to the news, they were super excited for us. My parents did not react well. My dad blew up on us saying we should be ashamed of ourselves, and how dare I break the news so late to them since they “helped pay for my college”, “came to emergency situations”, and raised me….My mom then sent me and my husband a message basically guilting us for the decision we made and for not telling them sooner.

The next day my dad sent me this long, hateful message essentially saying I did my parents wrong, I’m abusive, my husband is abusing me(my husband is literally perfect so I don’t know where this came from) and that I will “be on an island alone with no love and support”. I responded and said I was sorry their feelings were hurt. I tried to understand where all these accusations were coming from, that I thought it was not right that we were getting treated this way for a decision that was ours to make, and that I was hurt that he would treat me this way and not even ask how I was doing so freshly postpartum when I’m already dealing with enough as is. My dad basically blew me off saying he didn’t ask how I was doing because I should just be giving this information without him having to ask, that he would not be following the rules we made for our child because we “do not control” him, and to not bother inviting him to see me and the baby because he “is done and to have a good life”.

This whole situation is sad, and this reaction is just insane. My dad hasn’t spoken to me since, and I don’t feel like I should reach out at this point even though I feel sad about things going this way. My mom eventually said she felt bad for the way they acted but is now acting like nothing ever happened and I don’t know how to feel about that… I just want to know if I’m missing something and treated them poorly? I feel in my core that I just want to be done because it feels so exhausting pretending everything is fine but I also don’t want to lose contact with my family. This is just confusing and frustrating.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You're only going to pay for it if you keep in contact.

Your mother of all people should know better. This is the most vulnerable time of your life.

Nothing. Else. Matters.

This is the one time in your life where everything is about YOU and your BABY. Anyone who tries to detract from that are not good people to have in your life.

Maybe when you're healed and settled you can try to reconnect, but I wouldn't waste my breath. > > Commenter 2: Absolutely. OP, if you allow your folks to establish a close relationship with your child, they sound like the type that will threaten to sue for grandparents' rights if you decide to pull back. Not to suggest they will succeed, but it would be a lot of stress and possibly, lawyer fees to get the case dismissed. You know them better than anybody on Reddit does, but if their entitlement in this situation is not unusual, protect your baby, your husband, and yourself by going low contact. If they ask you why you don't let them see the baby, tell them what your father said about your boundaries is enough to cut all contact. It would be nice if he left that on a text or voice mail. > >> OOP: I really hate the thought of all this. I partially feel like I have an obligation to get this ironed out because they’re my parents but at the same time I think the only thing that would possibly get that going is for me to apologize to them and I’m certainly not doing that. So we’ve just been at a stalemate for over a month now…unfortunate.

Commenter 3: I’m so sorry, OP. This was a special moment you should’ve felt loved and cared for by your parents. It’s not your fault they don’t have the capacity to be good parents. You absolutely did nothing wrong. They felt very entitled regarding their expectations of your persona medical event.

Your parents are allowed to be sad, but your Dad had absolutely no right to talk to you like that. He is the abusive one, not you. He is the one that will feel isolated after burning these bridges with you, your spouse, and your baby.

I would not let them near me until I received an apology. Maybe there’s some hope for your mother to apologize, but it sounds like she’s enabling his bad behavior.

Q: Has your Mom met the baby?

> OOP: She’s met the baby once, and wants to come again but I’ve been dodging it because I just feel weird about it mainly because I know whatever we talk about will go straight to my dad. And of course my husband doesn’t like the thought of her visiting because of their behavior. Just a weird, gross feeling situation.

Commenter 4: I'm so sorry your special time has been under such scrutiny.

Here's the thing though, this isn't about the Grandchild. This is about control. They attack your husband's character not because he's mean/abusive, but because he took their control away. They want to turn you against anything that is healing or supportive to you. Manipulation, verbal abuse, and tantrums are all apart of a Narcissists MO.

Like all tantrums, it's best to just carry on. Bad behavior shouldn't be rewarded. Let your parents stew in their own vile juices, and when they see that their crappy attitudes aren't getting the ass-kissing that they're looking for, they'll either grown the hell up and be good Grandparents/parents, or they won't. Sooner or later, you'll have to live without them, or live with them swallowing their controlling pride and stepping up!

You and your husband did nothing wrong. You are now a parent, and an adult and you get to decide how your life plays out. This is a joyous time. Don't let the Devil sour this wonderful time in your life.

Congratulations to you and your husband on your Child's safe arrival.

Peace and Joy.

> OOP: My husband has been so great, so it especially hurt my feelings that they felt the need to bash him the way they did for no good reason. Thanks for the advice and thanks so much!

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Update: April 28, 2026 (over 1.5 months later)

Kept the birth of my child private and now I’m paying for it. UPDATE

I posted a couple months ago about how my family reacted to me and my husband keeping the birth of our baby private until about a day after the fact, and how they just blew up on me and my husband and ruined everything. I figured I’d just give an update as I’m sitting here stuck in my thoughts.

So 3 months later, my dad still isn’t talking to me. He hasn’t seen my baby, hasn’t reached out, nothing. Honestly the whole not talking to me thing isn’t even what makes me so upset-it’s that apparently his pride and entitlement is more important than knowing my baby. It’s so hard to not just boil over the fact that he’s acting this way.

My grandma (my dad’s mom) accidentally sent a text that was clearly not meant for me…she was texting me asking how we were doing and I replied we were doing good and I was taking baby’s 1 month pictures and that I would send her some of them when I was finished. About 5 minutes later she text “(my name) is taking baby’s 1 month pictures and that she would send them…uh ok?🤷🏼‍♀️”…. If you don’t want pictures of my baby just say that. Maybe I’m reading too far into that text, but it just got me so angry because I’m confident that was meant for my dad to get him pissed off. Just a little more context to why that would piss him off- we asked everyone that was going to receive pictures of our baby to not post them or send them to anyone and my dad lashed out at me saying I wasn’t going to “control how he loves his grand baby” as if exploiting the baby is a way to love…ok. Anyway, this was really disappointing because I’ve always had a good relationship with my grandmother but now I feel I can’t trust her. On top of that she went from texting me several times a week to not talking to me for 3 weeks straight, then proceeded to text my mom and sister asking if I was okay because she hadn’t heard from me as if I’ve been ignoring her. This whole thing with her just has me irritated.

I let my mom come to visit once. The visit went fine, but I can’t help to feel like our relationship is ruined. I didn’t enjoy the visit, I just felt the memories of what happened immediately postpartum looming over my head. I’m just waiting for the day she “suggests” I reach out to my dad. Which I won’t be doing. My mom does things that make me so angry like asking my sister to send her pictures of my baby when she knows the rules are-nobody is supposed to send pictures of my baby to anyone. My sister never sends her the pictures. My sister has been so amazing. I don’t know what I would do without her. Mom asking my sister for pictures makes me feel like she doesn’t care about the boundaries we set and she has no problem being sneaky to get what she wants. Another thing she keeps saying is “when are y’all coming down to visit?” Visit for what? To hang out until my dad comes home and a big fight breaks out in front of my baby? For him to just get what he wants after treating me and my husband like garbage? No thanks.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m overreacting to all of these things. I’m just so physically tired with everything that comes with the baby. I adore my baby, that child is the light of my life. It’s just hard! I think I have some postpartum rage or depression or something that really amps up my feelings in regard to all of this. I’m just so incredibly angry about it all. Some days I can forget about it if I put my phone on dnd and keep busy. Other days I feel myself just stewing in anger and sadness over how my family has been perfectly comfortable treating me, my husband, and my sweet baby.

Anyway, posting here last time really helped me feel better so I thought I’d do it again. Thanks to everyone who commented last time, I never could have responded to all of those, but they were so appreciated.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: /My husband is the most mild-mannered person I know. The only time I have ever seen him lose his temper is when our children are hurt. Being a dad of daughters did something to him. It seems primal. Otherwise he's breezy.

/Your father reacted poorly, horribly, but I also wasn't surprised. Of course your husband's parents reacted well. They have a new grandchild, and their son's life was never in danger. However, for your parents, they found out you had a hard labor and then had a major surgery. You went through a life-threatening situation without telling them. They feel betrayed.

/ However, you absolutely have the right to handle your birth as you wish. It's a dangerous time, and it's most important that the mother feels at peace during this procedure. But why didn't you have this conversation with your parents beforehand, so they could adjust to your POV and any misgivings they may have, instead of just saying, "Surprise. We wanted to be alone. Now deal with it."?

/Your dad's overreaction is ridiculous and overbearing. But your lack of perception as a parent, only seeing it from the POV as a daughter, is misguided as well. You're a parent now. After your child is an adult and you didn't know about a major surgery, wouldn't you feel shut out as well? My mom went into the hospital several years ago and she said she didn't want to distress me. And that was just my mom. I had to tell her, "Distress me. I want to know, even if you'd rather only be at the hospital alone with my stepfather. Just let me know so I'm prepared in case something goes wrong." She said she would from then on.

/I understood my mom. I'm the type who likes to face things alone, and then see others after I've gotten through the situation. But now Mom understands that we, her kids, should be warned when she's in the hospital in case we need to make plans for worst case scenario.

/Your father and you have things in common. Both of you think you're right. Neither want to compromise. Both of you refuse to talk to the other unless the other relents. It's a battle of wills. Do I think you should apologize to your father for giving birth without him? Not In The Least! But I do think he was owed an explanation about your decision beforehand. He's an adult. You're an adult. You were about to become a parent. Facing your parents to tell them your decision shouldn't be an issue, unless you were hiding. And if you were hiding, then therein lies the problem. You might need to dig deeper inside yourself about why you couldn't face your parents.

/Last, congrats on your baby! The hormones and lack of sleep after giving birth are nightmarish, but it does eventually subside. Eventually, this time of birth will be a blip in your life, like your wedding day. Wedding days seem so important, like the end all, until you're in the marriage. And then you realize it's just the opening scene of a very long story. And the story has many pages, sometimes average, sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, but the story is as good or bad as the main characters make it. Birth is like that too. It's a beginning, and then that time fades toward the background with a child's first words, first steps, first day at school, first fights, first loves, graduations, etc. Have a lovely story with your baby.

> OOP: Hi! I actually did talk to them about us not having company until we got home from the hospital a couple months in advance. I explained I would be uncomfortable with them being there because of the nature of the situation…and now having gone through it and knowing how completely exposed you are and how exhausted I was-I KNOW I wouldn’t have enjoyed company at that point in time. I think I understand a little more how they felt now that I have a baby, and I apologized to my parents for hurting their feelings because that certainly wasn’t my intention. As for the communicating with my dad- he sent a message saying to not talk to him until he had time to cool off. Then he messaged me saying all these hateful things. I apologized about hurting his feelings and tried to understand better, because truthfully I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. I especially didn’t think he would care because he never checked on me during my pregnancy, he called me like once because he needed something. I think he came to visit me with the rest of my family once throughout the whole 9 months. Anyway, I tried to patch things up in the last conversation we had and he completely bulldozed everything I had to say. Nothing I said nor any of my feelings mattered. He said he was “done” and hasn’t said anything since. So I guess I don’t see a point in trying to fix things with someone who doesn’t want things fixed. I did try, but I’m not going to again until he reaches out simply because things won’t go anywhere until he decides he wants them to. > > He really has some issues. He accused my husband of being abusive (I know I already said this in my previous post but 1000% not the case) and claimed he “raised me to know better”. I just find it ironic because in my teenage years he absolutely abused my mom, siblings, and I verbally and emotionally for a long time. Like literally spit in my face cussed 14 year old me over spilled juice just to give one example…I guess all this is to say my dad and I have had a civil relationship but never really a close one which is what made his extreme reaction so much more shocking to me.

OOP on her relationship with her parents and the boundaries

> OOP: Our relationship was fine, certainly some issues here and there. > > Rules for my child aren’t a game, they’re rules for a reason. I don’t doubt sharing pictures would be with good intention but there are people that we don’t want to have pictures/strangers to us don’t need to have pictures of our baby to do who knows what with/our baby doesn’t need to be plastered all over the internet. Unfortunately the internet is not a safe place, no reason to submit my child to it or allow others to. Regardless, it’s my child and I can protect my baby how me and my husband see fit. They can have pictures, print them out and put them up in their house, show pictures to people in person. I don’t think the picture rule is insane/outlandish. As far as those rules causing a divide- I think if somebody feels they don’t have to follow a couple simple rules set by the child’s parents that seems like a red flag to me…you can’t just do what you want with somebody else’s kid. And I don’t think I should have to dissolve those rules that are implemented to protect my child because somebody thinks they can “violate” them because they disagree…. And not only violate the rules but get mad at others if they don’t violate them? Wild to suggest this would be my fault/that I would be the manipulative one… > > They were involved with the shower, they knew about the pregnancy, and they were informed well in advance our plans to not have visitors until we made it home. They provided no feedback that suggested they would have an issue with that. Honestly I don’t think having one day to rest and spend with my baby and husband before having everyone else involved is a crazy ask either.

Commenter 2: You're not crazy. Your dad sounds like a fuckin child! I feel bad for your mom but maybe she should try to push your dad to make amends if you even want to patch things up with him.

> OOP: From what my siblings have said it sounds like she has tried to get him to but he lashed out at her for it. I don’t think he’s sparing anybody of these tantrums.

Commenter 3: Protect your child. At all costs. PROTECT. YOUR. CHILD.

They are not entitled to anything, including, but not limited to: time, pictures, hugs, holidays, gift-giving, visits, compromises, events, etc, etc.

Yes, you do have the control. As you should. As every good parent should. He's upset because you took away his binky and blankie... control, and now he's throwing the father of all hissy fits,complete with flying monkeys doing his bidding (mom and wife).

You are NOT overreacting. Let your momma bear side out and rip into anyone that thinks they can break or bend the rules.

"My house, my child, my rules. End of story." Should be your mantra for the rest of your life. For anyone.

He's showing you exactly why you shouldn't cave...because he's not emotionally mature enough to know what the best thing is for a baby. His needs and feelings come first. Fuck his feelings.

My favorite thing to say: Just because someone is upset at you, doesn't mean you did the wrong thing or made the wrong decision.

I'm so sorry your dad is an emotional toddler.

> OOP: Thank you for this! I’m a very non-confrontational person so sometimes I need this encouragement. It’s already hard enough navigating this parenting thing for the first time, let alone throwing in a giant man toddler pitching fits really makes things frustrating.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

For those who haven't read the previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1szou79/i_left_my_marriage_for_8_months_had_the_time_of/

Want to start with: thank you with my whole heart to everyone supported me yesterday. Thousands of kind strangers telling me I deserved better, to choose myself, to get out before it was too late. I read every single comment and cried through most of them. This was a life changing post for me.

Update: I showed my husband the post and all your comments. He read everything. We talked all night. Now I don't know what to think. Need advice again.

I handed him my phone and I watched his face as he read. The post, the comments, all of it. He was quiet for a really long time.

And then he looked at me and said I had no idea it had gotten this bad. We talked all night. Properly talked. The kind of talking we hadn't done in years.

He apologised for never checking on me during those 8 months. Said he was too angry and too hurt and he let that stop him from asking if I was okay. He said he should have spoken up for me more against his family. That he watched things happen and stayed quiet when he should have said something. He admitted that.

and then he made some promises.

On the baby front he said he finally understands why I've been so resistant. He said take as much time as you need, let's revisit it in two years when things feel more stable, and if anyone in the family pressures me before then he'll handle it. No more pressure, no more comments, no more pointed questions at family gatherings. He said when and if we have a baby it'll be when I'm genuinely ready. Not a day before.

on the work front he said nobody will ever make me quit my job and if anyone tries he'll shut it down. But then in the same breath he said that when it comes to choosing between work and family I'll need to choose his family. (his example was if his mom isn't feeling well I'd need to stay home and take care of her. Not go to work. family first in those situations.)

And on the living situation he was honest. More honest than I expected. He said he will never move out from his parents. They are everything to him and that is never going to change. But he said he'll make the environment at home better. easier. less suffocating. He acknowledged that the cooking and the household falls on me and said he'd try to make it more manageable. But also said his mom is aging and the men in his family don't cook so the cooking will still be mine to handle.

And now I don't know what to feel.

part of me is really moved that he read everything, that he sat with it, that he apologised and didn't get defensive. I know that's not nothing. But another part of me is sitting here quietly going through each promise and feeling something complicated.

The baby thing feels genuine. but two years is still a timeline someone else is setting for my body.

The work thing sounds supportive until you get to the part where his mom's health will always outrank my job. What happens when that becomes a regular thing. what happens when every other week there's a reason I need to stay home.

and the living situation. he said it so simply. My parents are everything to me and I will never leave them. and I believe him. I really do. But what does that mean for me. what does it mean for us. cooking before work and after work every single day for a household that will never shrink.

He said he'll make it a better environment. but what does that actually look like. better how. easier how. the same house, the same people, just with a slightly softer atmosphere?

I just want y'all to help me see this clearly. Thanks a million times again.

Edit: I know he's going to involve his mom in this today and tell her what I'm up to. But I know what I've to do now. I do not want this life. I left last time abruptly, in anger, hurt, and to come back. This time a stronger woman will be sitting in front of them, talking calmly, and making very clear that SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS FAMILY ANYMORE and wants MOVE ON. I'm so grateful that I had this conversation with him yesterday. Never felt so firm before this.

Hi Reddit! So, for some context, I (23F) recently found out I was accepted into a doctoral program for neuroscience. I have been childfree my entire life, and nothing has shaken that mindset whatsoever. I have also made it very clear to my family, friends, and boyfriend (24M), who is also childfree. Just like anyone else, I have my own reasons to be childfree, but the biggest one is the fact I want to focus on my education and career.

So, yesterday, I went home to celebrate my godmother’s birthday. She had a gathering at her home, and my family was invited. My boyfriend also attended, since he’s basically family as well. All was well… we had a wonderful meal, watched my godmother open her presents, and so on. I was enjoying myself, and it seemed like everyone else was too.

It got to a point where my mother, father, boyfriend, and I were all sitting at a table together, after we had shared some cake. My godmother’s husband approached us to talk. Again, all was well, until he asked how my schooling was going. I told him that I had been accepted into a doctoral program, and he congratulated me. He asked me how long it would take to earn my degree, and I told him I was looking at about six years. My mom, who has badgered me for grandchildren since I was a literal teenager, spoke up and said, “You better be happy you have grandkids, because by the sound of it, OP’s gonna run out of time before she can have them.” He was clearly taken aback by her comment, and he asked what she meant by that. My mom went on to say that, by the time I get my PhD, I’ll just be “old and bitter”, and I’d be lucky if I even got married by then, since all I would think about is school.

….I’d like to reiterate that I am in a loving and happy relationship. However, neither one of us wants to get married right this second, since it’s a very busy time for the both of us. Still, we would love to be married one day. And AGAIN, we are both childfree.

So, he just laughed it off and said that OP will figure out what she wants later on. Then, he walked away from the table. The rest of the party was a bit tense, but I figured it would just blow over. Spoiler alert: it got worse!

When we were leaving, we ran into my godmother’s daughter, who recently had a baby. Of course, I spoke to her and congratulated her, and I even held her baby when she asked if I wanted to. Then, here comes my mother! She starts baby-talking the kid, and then she said, “See, OP, you’d make such a good mommy!”

I’ve never handed a baby back to someone so fast. Lol

Even the mother cringed, knowing that I’m childfree and talk like that irks me. Anyway, my mom continues to stand there, talking to the baby. She tells the baby that she’d love to have “one of you” but OP has to deal with her “stupid schooling”, so she isn’t gonna get one… all in that squeaky voice people use when they talk to babies, by the way… in case you’re imagining this scenario in your head.

At that point, I just decided that it was a wrap, and my boyfriend and I said goodbye to everyone before leaving. He could tell I was upset, as I take my education very seriously, and I hate when people make negative comments towards it. He assured me that everyone was super proud of me, especially him, and that kids just simply do not matter right now, nor will they ever. That made me feel a lot better, until, drumroll please… I get a call from my mother before we even get to my apartment!

I answered, and right off the bat, she wanted to know why I “stormed out of the party” earlier. I told her I didn’t storm out, I made sure to tell everyone goodbye, and then I left. No scenes were caused. She went on to say that she didn’t mean to make me mad with the comment she made about the baby. I told her I wasn’t mad, but it did really hurt my feelings, especially since education is so important to me. In return, she asked me to consider how sad she felt knowing that she’ll never have grandkids. I just said, “Well…”, and then an awkward silence followed. She came back and said that she just can’t understand why I live the way I do, and how I think my life is fulfilling when all I do is “have my head in a book all day”. I said I thought my life was plenty fulfilling, because I’m actively pursing one of my biggest dreams, and I’m happy about it. She said that she wouldn’t be happy about it if she were in my shoes, considering I’m unmarried and without kids. At this point, I got a little outdone with her, and I asked her why she couldn’t just be happy for me. Not to toot my own horn, but not everyone has a PhD, let alone in neuroscience. Higher education is hard, and earning my bachelor’s was easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I told her that I was tired of my accomplishments being undermined, and though I wasn’t expecting a party, I was at least expecting a “congratulations”, which I NEVER got from her. Everything I said went in one ear and out the other, and she said that being a mother is the greatest accomplishment a woman could ever have, and that I hadn’t reached that yet, so there wasn’t anything to congratulate. Great! I hung up the phone, and went and cried so hard I almost threw up!

It’s been almost a full 24 hours since that happened, and I haven’t heard anything from my mother. Besides, of course, a Facebook reel of a mother dressing her baby up, with a message that said, “I can’t wait to dress my grandbaby up!” I ignored it. No apologies, no nothing. Nothing that mattered.

My feelings are still hurt, and knowing that I won’t ever make her proud hurts too. I understand there’s people that consider having kids as an accomplishment, and if you’re happy with that, whatever. But at the same time, how easy is it to get pregnant, and how easy is it to make it through graduate school? I feel like no matter what I do, there’s always the “I don’t have grandbabies yet”, which automatically means anything else isn’t important.

I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m tired of having that expectation dangled over my head, especially in such a critical time in my life. I keep telling myself that I’ve accomplished a lot regardless, and that my future is bright as of right now. I’ll keep working towards it, no matter what… even if my mom’s comments do hurt me.

……and even if that means I won’t get to see the Facebook baby reels anymore. Lol!

EDIT: Wow, I didn’t expect this to blow up! Thank you guys for all the love and support, I appreciate it so much! :)