Just wondering if anyone’s in the same boat as I am. I had my BI interview last week and I’m super nervous if I’ll get an interim and an FJO soon.
I don't really have anywhere else to put this, so here goes.
I met a girl online a few weeks ago and fell hard. It went deep fast. Then she told me — at the very end — that she'd been with her partner for 8 years and was getting married in three months. What followed was the hardest two weeks of my life: blocked, unblocked, "I'm marrying him," "I'm not," her crying, me apologizing for things that weren't even mine to apologize for. In the end I gave her the choice, told her to be honest with herself, and she chose him. I respected it and let her go. I found out later she was cheating the whole time. I didn't know.
Here's where I'm at in life. Dating has always been hard for me — I spent my whole twenties with my head down studying computer science, basically no room for a personal life. I made it as a software engineer, and then it came crashing down, and now I'm grinding to rebuild that career. I used to have my own place, but my parents have moved in with me now, and I made them a promise to be there for them. So now I'm conflicted — I want space, I want to date, I want my own life, and I don't even know how to tell them that without feeling like I'm breaking my word. On top of all that, I'm fat/obese and self-conscious about it, though I'm trying to work on myself too.
I've always hidden the parts of me I figured made me unlovable — my weight, where I'm at financially. She embraced all of it. She was serious about me. That kind of acceptance is something I'd wanted my whole life and never had, and losing it broke something open in me.
The last couple of nights I cried harder than I knew I could. But I did something I've never been good at — I let people in. I called my sisters, my friends, walked with my dad, stayed out of my room instead of being alone with it. Everyone in my life keeps telling me the same thing: she was a cheater, I didn't deserve it, and there was nothing wrong with how I loved — only with her dishonesty. I'm starting to actually believe them.
So I guess I'm asking the men here: how do you keep moving forward after something like this — at 27, feeling behind in life and pulled in a lot of directions, when it took this long just to feel accepted once? How do you trust it'll come again, with someone honest?
Anything you've got means a lot. Thanks for reading.
I don't really have anywhere else to put this, so here goes.
I met a girl online a few weeks ago and fell hard. It went deep fast. Then she told me — at the very end — that she'd been with her partner for 8 years and was getting married in three months. What followed was the hardest two weeks of my life: blocked, unblocked, "I'm marrying him," "I'm not," her crying, me apologizing for things that weren't even mine to apologize for. In the end I gave her the choice, told her to be honest with herself, and she chose him. I respected it and let her go. I found out later she was cheating the whole time. I didn't know.
Here's the part that's been wrecking me. I'm 27, and I've spent years with my head down — building a career, mostly by myself, after a lot of life knocking me around. I've always hidden the parts of me I figured made me unlovable — my weight, where I'm at financially. She embraced all of it. She was serious about me. That level of acceptance is something I'd wanted my whole life and never had, and losing it broke something open in me.
The last couple of nights I cried harder than I knew I could. But I did something I've never been good at — I let people in. I called my sisters, my friends, walked with my dad, stayed out of my room instead of being alone with it. Everyone in my life keeps telling me the same thing: she was a cheater, I didn't deserve it, and there was nothing wrong with how I loved — only with her dishonesty. I'm starting to actually believe them.
So I guess I'm asking the men here: how do you keep moving forward after something like this — at 27, feeling behind in life, when it took this long just to feel accepted once? How do you trust that it'll come again, and that next time it'll be someone honest?
Anything you've got means a lot. Thanks for reading.
I don't even know how to start this. I met a girl online a few weeks ago. We clicked instantly — it went deep, fast. Then I found out she'd been with her partner for 8 years and was getting married in three months. She told me at the very end, after I'd already fallen.
I should've walked. I didn't. What followed was the hardest two weeks of my life — blocked, unblocked, "I'm marrying him," "I'm not," her crying, me apologizing for things that weren't mine to apologize for. Her fiancé found our chats and called me a monster who destroyed their lives. I didn't know. I genuinely didn't.
Here's the part that's wrecking me. I'm a practicing Muslim, an immigrant — did high school in Pakistan, came here alone, ground through a CS degree and into a software job, then watched that fall apart too. I've always hidden the parts of me I figured made me unlovable: my faith, my weight, where I'm at financially. She embraced all of it. She was serious about me. Willing to raise kids in my faith. That level of acceptance is the thing I've wanted my whole life and never had.
In the end I gave her the choice — be honest with yourself, don't lie. She chose him. I respected it. I said goodbye and let her go, even though I didn't want to. It wasn't my fault, and it was unwinnable from the start. I know all that. I still feel destroyed.
I'm 27 and I've never had a real relationship — life kept knocking me down before I got the chance. So I'm asking honestly: how do you keep moving forward after something like this? How do you believe that kind of acceptance will come again, when you're already 27 and it took this long to feel it once?
Any advice from people who've been here means a lot.
I don't even know how to start this. I met a girl online a few weeks ago. We clicked instantly — it went deep, fast. Then I found out she'd been with her partner for 8 years and was getting married in three months. She told me at the very end, after I'd already fallen.
I should've walked. I didn't. What followed was the hardest two weeks of my life — blocked, unblocked, "I'm marrying him," "I'm not," her crying, me apologizing for things that weren't mine to apologize for. Her fiancé found our chats and called me a monster who destroyed their lives. I didn't know. I genuinely didn't.
Here's the part that's wrecking me. I'm a practicing Muslim, an immigrant — did high school in Pakistan, came here alone, ground through a CS degree and into a software job, then watched that fall apart too. I've always hidden the parts of me I figured made me unlovable: my faith, my weight, where I'm at financially. She embraced all of it. She was serious about me. Willing to raise kids in my faith. That level of acceptance is the thing I've wanted my whole life and never had.
In the end I gave her the choice — be honest with yourself, don't lie. She chose him. I respected it. I said goodbye and let her go, even though I didn't want to. It wasn't my fault, and it was unwinnable from the start. I know all that. I still feel destroyed.
I'm 27 and I've never had a real relationship — life kept knocking me down before I got the chance. So I'm asking honestly: how do you keep moving forward after something like this? How do you believe that kind of acceptance will come again, when you're already 27 and it took this long to feel it once?
Any advice from people who've been here means a lot.
Hoping for some direction from people in IT, because I'm a bit lost on where to start.
Background: I've got a CS degree (2023) and about 2 years as a software/data engineer (Python, AWS, SQL) at a big company, but I got laid off last year and haven't been able to get back into a dev role — a few interviews, no offers, and a growing gap on my resume. I've been doing non-tech work to pay the bills and I'm worn out from barely getting by. At this point I care less about chasing the "perfect" job and more about getting into something stable in tech that pays enough to live on.
I'm interested in starting in IT — tech support / help desk to get my foot in the door — and ideally working toward a NOC role, which seems like a solid step up with decent pay and a path into networking/sysadmin/cloud. The problem is I don't really know where to even find NOC positions or who hires for them, especially around the Philadelphia area where I'm based.
A few things I'd love input on:
- Given a CS degree and dev experience, should I even start at tech support, or am I better off aiming straight for a NOC / junior sysadmin / cloud support role? Will I get filtered as "overqualified" for help desk?
- What certs matter most for breaking in — A+, Network+, CCNA? Which one first?
- Where do people actually find NOC and entry IT roles in the Philly metro — specific companies, job boards, staffing agencies, anything?
- Does my AWS/Python background help me skip a step, or do IT teams not really care about that?
I'm willing to put in the work and start lower if I have to. I just want to get pointed in the right direction. Appreciate any honest advice.
I don't totally know how to put this, but I'm pretty lost right now and could use any perspective.
The short version of how I got here: I've got a CS degree (2023) and worked about 2 years as a software/data engineer — Python, AWS, SQL, building data pipelines at a big financial company. Got laid off at the start of last year, and that's kind of where everything started unraveling. I tried for a while to get back into software and it just wasn't happening. I'd get interviews here and there but never an offer, and I'm pretty sure the non-tech jobs I had to take to pay the bills make me look like I gave up on engineering, even though I didn't.
At some point I got desperate and figured maybe I'd switch careers entirely, so I started a CNA program to get into healthcare. It seemed stable and like I'd be helping people. I pushed through a lot of it, did the clinicals, the hands-on patient care, all of it. But I couldn't stomach the bedside stuff. I was working two jobs at the same time and dreading every single clinical, and I finally admitted to myself that patient care isn't for me and quit the program when I was almost done. I feel guilty about it, but also kind of relieved, if that makes sense.
So now I'm here. I know what I want. I want to get back into tech, as a software or data engineer, and I'm really drawn to the AI/agentic stuff that's blowing up right now. But I feel completely stuck on how to actually get there. I've got a gap on my resume, I'm behind on all the new tools and buzzwords, money is tight, and I'm exhausted. I keep going in circles like should I do a master's, build projects, just keep applying, grind to learn the new AI stack? I can't even tell what's a smart move versus what's just me spinning.
Lately I've even started wondering if I should just take whatever IT job I can get maybe something like help desk level 1, even if it's a step down from engineering, just to have something stable that pays enough to live a decent life. I'm so tired of barely getting by that part of me doesn't even care about the "career" part anymore. I just want to be okay financially.
So I'm looking for any honest advice from people who've been through something like this. How do you dig yourself out of a resume gap and get back into the field when you feel this far behind? Is it a mistake to take a step back into something like help desk just to stabilize, or should I hold out for getting back to engineering? Has anyone restarted from a spot like this and made it work? Appreciate anyone taking the time.
I don't totally know how to put this, but I'm pretty lost right now and could use any perspective.
The short version of how I got here: I've got a CS degree (2023) and worked about 2 years as a software/data engineer — Python, AWS, SQL, building data pipelines at a big financial company. Got laid off at the start of last year, and that's kind of where everything started unraveling. I tried for a while to get back into software and it just wasn't happening. I'd get interviews here and there but never an offer, and I'm pretty sure the non-tech jobs I had to take to pay the bills make me look like I gave up on engineering, even though I didn't.
At some point I got desperate and figured maybe I'd switch careers entirely, so I started a CNA program to get into healthcare — it seemed stable and like I'd be helping people. I pushed through a lot of it, did the clinicals, the hands-on patient care, all of it. But I couldn't stomach the bedside stuff. I was working two jobs at the same time and dreading every single clinical, and I finally admitted to myself that patient care isn't for me and quit the program when I was almost done. I feel guilty about it, but also kind of relieved, if that makes sense.
So now I'm here. I know what I want — I want to get back into tech, as a software or data engineer, and I'm really drawn to the AI/agentic stuff that's blowing up right now. But I feel completely stuck on how to actually get there. I've got a gap on my resume, I'm behind on all the new tools and buzzwords, money is tight, and I'm exhausted. I keep going in circles — should I do a master's, build projects, just keep applying, grind to learn the new AI stack? I can't even tell what's a smart move versus what's just me spinning.
Lately I've even started wondering if I should just take whatever IT job I can get — something like help desk level 1, even if it's a step down from engineering — just to have something stable that pays enough to live a decent life. I'm so tired of barely getting by that part of me doesn't even care about the "career" part anymore; I just want to be okay financially.
So I'm looking for any honest advice from people who've been through something like this. How do you dig yourself out of a resume gap and get back into the field when you feel this far behind? Is it a mistake to take a step back into something like help desk just to stabilize, or should I hold out for getting back to engineering? Has anyone restarted from a spot like this and made it work? Appreciate anyone taking the time.
I don't totally know how to put this, but I'm pretty lost right now and could use any perspective.
The short version of how I got here: I've got a CS degree (2023) and worked about 2 years as a software/data engineer — Python, AWS, SQL, building data pipelines at a big financial company. Got laid off at the start of last year, and that's kind of where everything started unraveling. I tried for a while to get back into software and it just wasn't happening. I'd get interviews here and there but never an offer, and I'm pretty sure the non-tech jobs I had to take to pay the bills make me look like I gave up on engineering, even though I didn't.
At some point I got desperate and figured maybe I'd switch careers entirely, so I started a CNA program to get into healthcare — it seemed stable and like I'd be helping people. I pushed through a lot of it, did the clinicals, the hands-on patient care, all of it. But I couldn't stomach the bedside stuff. I was working two jobs at the same time and dreading every single clinical, and I finally admitted to myself that patient care isn't for me and quit the program when I was almost done. I feel guilty about it, but also kind of relieved, if that makes sense.
So now I'm here. I know what I want — I want to get back into tech, as a software or data engineer, and I'm really drawn to the AI/agentic stuff that's blowing up right now. But I feel completely stuck on how to actually get there. I've got a gap on my resume, I'm behind on all the new tools and buzzwords, money is tight, and I'm exhausted. I keep going in circles — should I do a master's, build projects, just keep applying, grind to learn the new AI stack? I can't even tell what's a smart move versus what's just me spinning.
Lately I've even started wondering if I should just take whatever IT job I can get — something like help desk level 1, even if it's a step down from engineering — just to have something stable that pays enough to live a decent life. I'm so tired of barely getting by that part of me doesn't even care about the "career" part anymore; I just want to be okay financially.
So I'm looking for any honest advice from people who've been through something like this. How do you dig yourself out of a resume gap and get back into the field when you feel this far behind? Is it a mistake to take a step back into something like help desk just to stabilize, or should I hold out for getting back to engineering? Has anyone restarted from a spot like this and made it work? Appreciate anyone taking the time.
Throwaway-ish post, but I’d really value some honest input because I’ve been spinning and I want a reality check rather than just venting.
Quick background. I graduated with a BS in Computer Science in May 2023. Right out of school I spent about 20 months as an Application Engineer at a large financial firm doing real data engineering work — Python on AWS (Lambda, Glue, S3, Step Functions, CloudWatch), building and maintaining production data pipelines, SQL/Postgres, CI/CD with GitHub Actions, integrating vendor financial data, handling production incidents against SLAs. It was solid, hands-on engineering and I’m proud of it. That role ended in early 2025.
Since then my path hasn’t looked like engineering on paper. I did a short research assistant stint (Python, regression/stats, data viz) and I’m currently in a non-engineering bridge job to keep income coming in while I job hunt. So my most recent titles aren’t software roles, even though my core experience is.
Here’s where I actually am, and I want to be precise because I think it changes the advice: I’m getting rejected at the resume-screen stage. It’s not “I interview and don’t get offers” — it’s that I’m mostly not getting callbacks at all. I’m applying to software engineering and data engineering roles. And honestly my application volume has been low — under 50 applications over the last three months, a lot of them cold applications through company portals.
The thing that’s been eating at me is the fear that I “left the field.” When I look at my own resume, the engineering work is over a year back now and the recent stuff reads as a detour. I’d built this up in my head as a big employment gap, but when I actually lay out the dates, the only truly empty stretch is about three months. The real issue isn’t a hole in the timeline — it’s that my recent roles don’t say “engineer,” so I think I’m getting read as someone who drifted out of the field rather than someone trying to get back in.
What I think I should do next, and where I want a gut check:
Volume. I suspect under-50 cold applications is just too small a sample to conclude anything, and that ramping to ~10–15 quality applications a week — with referrals in the mix instead of only cold portals — is the biggest lever. Is that the right read, or am I underestimating a resume problem?
Projects. I’m planning to build a few real, deployed projects in the AI / LLM / agentic space — things like a production data pipeline with an LLM step, a RAG system over a real document corpus, and a document-extraction tool — all on the AWS stack I already know, with actual evaluation and CI/CD rather than tutorial-grade demos. The goal is to keep my engineering identity current and have concrete things to talk about. But I keep reading that companies don’t really care about side projects unless they map to their product. How much do real projects actually move the needle at the screen stage?
Master’s. I already have my CS degree, so this would be a new optional thing (thinking OMSCS or similar), not finishing something I started. My instinct is that it doesn’t fix a screen-stage problem and that if I do it at all, it should be part-time while employed rather than quitting to do it. Agree?
So my real questions for people who’ve been through this or who screen resumes:
• If you’re getting zero callbacks with genuinely relevant experience, is that almost always a volume/channel problem, or is it usually the resume failing to position you?
• For someone whose recent roles aren’t engineering, what actually works to signal “I’m still an engineer” on a resume — beyond just reordering by relevance?
• Are real deployed projects worth the few weeks, or is that time better spent purely on applications and referrals in this market?
• Anything you’d prioritize that I’m not even thinking about?
For context I’m US-based (East Coast), US citizen, no visa constraints. I’m trying hard not to fall into the trap of endlessly tweaking my resume because it feels productive while the applications stay low. I want to put energy where it actually changes outcomes.
Appreciate any straight talk. Thanks.
Hoping people who know this process can help calm me down or at least tell me what to expect.
A couple of weeks ago I submitted an SF-85P. My contractor job told me to finish it within a couple of days, and in the rush I misunderstood parts of the form and missed some things — including past drug use. It wasn't intentional; I just didn't read carefully enough under the time pressure.
Shortly after, I got an SF-86 from the same agency.
On that one I did include everything, including the drug use. I haven't submitted the 86 yet because I have an appointment with a security attorney first.
So now I've got a submitted 85P with omissions and an unsubmitted 86 that's complete and accurate — all from the same agency, filed within a couple weeks of each other. That overlap is what's making me anxious.
What I'm trying to understand:
VS. "EVER" questions). Is it possible some of what I put on the 86 wasn't even within the 85P's scope, so there may not be a real discrepancy on everything?
If there are genuine omissions on the 85P, what's the realistic process for correcting them, and who handles it?
Does coming forward on the 86 work in my favor here, since it shows I'm correcting the record rather than hiding anything?
I caught this myself and I'm getting legal advice before submitting anything. Just trying to understand what the next steps and likely outcome look like.