u/Morrigaann

Being trans is by far the biggest stressor in my life, among others. It hurts so much but I feel like i dont have a choice. Why the hell did I have to be born this way? Being cis, one way or another, would have saved me so much pain.

I’m 4 months on E and around 6 being “out” to myself, but I struggled with dysphoria for years. I thought this would make me happier but it's caused me more stress than I can handle. Losing friends, family, and most of the people in my life. I still have to go stealth in public and I'm getting to the point where I have to bind my chest to do that, which I despise. Losing my business and apartment are both possible if I come out.

I thought transitioning was supposed to make me happier not severely depressed. But the genie’s out of the bottle, there's no going back to being male and living anything but a depressed dull life. I want to be a girl so bad it hurts. Im just at a loss here and dealing with endless stress. I know we all wish this, but I would kill for the "magic button" right about now.

Every little thing makes me want to cry anymore. All this stress piling up.. My life feels like a constant struggle for finding a reason to keep existing. Theres so many things i wish i could change about myself, I just want to be happy... Why is that so hard?

Would be so much easier to live my life and have connections with people and family. Easier to do literally everything. Nah, I get to suffer in the pursuit of something it doesn't feel like I get to have, cause I'm not rich and didn't start when i was 4. Wish i was born normal is all...

I try so hard to have the body and live the life i want to but i cant beat get the depression out of my head no matter what i do. No matter how I look in the mirror i feel so gross inside, and the funny part is that i felt worse before. Apparently I'm just doomed to this sickness, no matter what i do. I don't think I'll ever be enough.