u/Mothsburn

There’s talk about sex in this post click off if you don’t want to read it

I’m so confused. I just ended a 4 year long relationship with a cis man today , we’re both 19 I’m a afab woman(questioning this and sexuality too so yk)
I didn’t mind having sex here and there. sometimes I just wanted to please him orally and not have it in me since it was uncomfortable, sometimes but very rarely I did want it but halfway through I got bored and hated it. I would much rather watch YouTube while he took care of himself with little to no effort to me. In the beginning of our relationship we were younger 16ish and yea we both enjoyed it. Like rabbits you might say, but since the end of our relationship I wasn’t interested. With anyone really, I participate in self pleasure and prefer it over sex a lot but that make me feel confused. Very rarely would I feel like I can have sex with someone. Is it maybe just that I could be having mixed feelings with the person I’m with or that I might be ace. I wish there was some genetic testing to do like bloodwork so I didn’t have to figure this out myself 🫩

I’m breaking up with my long term boyfriend and I feel like I’m in trouble.

Ever remember taking an extra slice of cake or getting into something you weren’t supposed to as a kid? That scratchy feeling in your chest you get when you feel like you’re in trouble. Well that’s what it feels like for me right now.

Me (19) and j (19) have been together since 2022. This year in June would be our 4th year together and I’ve lost it.
I’ve always had a rough time with my parents, they’re both drug addicts and in late 2023 I moved in with my aunt who also took advantage of me financially. Said she spent a lot of money on me and I had to pay for myself on some things. So when I turned 18 I got sick of being took advantage of and was given the opportunity to live with j and his father over in the city over. I took that and fled, we lived for a year and I truly thought everything was okay. But it wasn’t.

His dad had some sort of vendetta against me, I think it was because he used his pain to manipulate people. If he was taking me grocery shopping or taking me to get my meds he would start to keel over and complain of pain. Well I’m also disabled. I have mctd. It’s lupus, it’s just in a different font. Well I complained about my issues a fair bit since I wasn’t diagnosed at this point so I wasn’t receiving any help for my pain or other symptoms. I think his father realized that the pain card wouldn’t necessarily work on me and decided he hated me? Well I lived there for a year and this resentment grew tremendously. He would pick me a part for doing nothing with my life (I quit my job at this point to focus on graduating highschool and he even said it was okay and he wanted me to do the same since I’ve never really not had a job) even though I was actively going to graduate and I was job searching to get a job around graduation and j, wasn’t going to graduate highschool and he also wasn’t employed but wasn’t doing anything bad. He took in this parental role that he wanted to do in the beginning but I don’t this his had had realized how hard it can be to parent someone who isn’t your child and someone who is extremely sensitive and fucking traumatized.

Well back in October (I graduated and we both had jobs at this point so I thought all was good) I took j to a concert several hours away and drive back the same night. I paid for the gas and the tickets. I even overdrafted my bank account to take him to this. But we forgot to fill the tank up on the car before we got to the house so it was half gone. We pulled in the driveway (around 3-4am mind you) and realized that and me and j both agreed we would get gas as soon as we woke up and we even texted his dad saying it spaced out mind and we just went to go to bed. I woke up early intentionally (like 9 am so now I’m sleep deprived)to go take it out but when I go outside it was gone, his dad left and I assumed to go get coffee whatever he should’ve read the text and he’ll just come back and let me fill it up right? He claimed he read the message and was extremely frustrated on how the one obligation we had to borrowing his car for that trip was to fill the tank up and I tried to explain we DID fill it but far out and we were going to refill it back in town but ended up spacing it and just going home and was too much in a brain fog to wanna go back out that late. A few other things happened through that day where he was very annoyed, our room was a mess. He nagged about it. The kitchen was dirty (wasn’t even our fault bc the roommate upstairs WILL NOT CLEAN) but I said okay I’ll clean it and then I did. I decided on cooking at the same time so I made a Costco pot roast and mashed potatoes. Nothing fancy, well dinner was done and I went downstairs to tell them and they’re… talking. Like the talking you hear when something’s bad. People are talking in low tones and the air has a hiss to it. Now I’m trapped. I can’t go into the room because they’re blocking the way and not the foods getting cold. They eventually notice me and shuffle to the dad room and I go into ours, j comes out and you could see he was crying. He walks into our room and closes the door and starts to cry and say it’s not working out. There was some back and fourth but it wasn’t getting anywhere so I spend the night at a new friend of mine. We officially broke up to everyone in his line then. I moved out by the end of the week (so like three days lol) and on Halloween (that Friday I officially moved out fully) he messages me crying and upset since he finally realized what happened because my things where gone and he said he made a mistake. I was over it at this point and said this is the consequences to your actions.

Well things happened that night. He snuck me over and we talked then fucked and agreed to work on ourselves in separate households but he didn’t wanna tell his dad about us being together yet and I agreed bc I did love him.

I’m still hidden. It’s been over half a year. Almost an eighth of our relationship I’ve been in hiding. He’s only able to see me like once a week and this week “something came up” and it just made me open my eyes that this really isn’t worth it. I don’t trust him anymore and I don’t fucking deserve this. I’m going to break up with him in person when he drops my stuff on next week. I just have this pit in my stomach like I’m doing to be In trouble. I was wondering what I can do to ease myself out of this.

I have two tattoos that I got from tats tattoo in Richland. Unfortunately they started to post ai tattoos designs and I won’t support that

Soooo I’m looking for a new place that has pretty good linework and shading and does in fact DRAW designs and works with the clients well.

And if you’ve had bad experiences in any other tattoo place I want to hear them. Thank you!