u/MrsSqweeps

I feel awfully embarrassed but I had a severe meltdown two weeks ago and have really hurt myself, I have developed ringing in my ears.

I need to get this checked out.

The thing is my doctor doesn’t know I have these meltdowns.

Should I make something up?

I’m going to call my neurologist/ but he mainly treats my epilepsy. So I don’t know if he can treat a tbi!

So I may have to go to my dreaded General practitioner to ask for a mri.

So I took my new meds for the first time last night. I am on a low dose of 75 mg.

I got super tired and cozy and decided to go to sleep, around 11 pm. Even though I was cozy I couldn’t fall asleep I stayed in that state till around 2 am and My mouth got so insanely dry, and I couldn’t even move to drink water, I had to use the bathroom, I couldn’t get up to use the bathroom. I then had a sensation as though my body was being sqooze, like a bottle of mustard or toothpaste. I had sensations where I was trying to get up but the pressure of being squeezed kept me down, I was so thirsty and I had to use the bathroom. Then I started hallucinating. Along with this sensation, and eventually I got knocked right out and slept all day.

I have had experiences like this before, and it’s always so strange, however I took these meds to have that not happen, and it came with a vengeance. My doc always says when starting a new med it can be uncomfortable.

I dont know if I should ask to lower the dose and try again bc now I am obviously pensive that this medication is going to help me.

I am still feeling the effects now (16 hours later) and no seizure activity, but I feel kind of loopy and I am having tremors.

Oftentimes when I am feeling emotionally and mentally unwell, does this go hand in hand with epilepsy?

I am autistic,and I just had one of the most horrendous luteal phases this year, it seemed to coincide with some pretty serious pre menstrual pain. (Muscle spasms on and off that left me unable to walk)

My partner and I got into pretty serious fights, and I had an absolute meltdown. I came across this post in this group uplifting those going through breakups due to their luteal phase, it mention that we deserve grace and a partner who understands us. Although im not going through a break up, i really do feel I need more grace for not feeling well, with my medical issues.

The fight with my partner started bc i brought up that i was feeling sad about a past incident where he really hurt me., and that i don’t usually think of it, but i almost felt like i was processing and crying about them bc i was vulnerable from pmdd and my pelvic floor spasms keeping me in bed and unable to work. And maybe i was processing it, working on forgiveness, trying to get through it and move on. (Traumatized by it)

Then it became a whole thing, a whole serious thing, about how i carry resentment and he didn’t mean to hurt me back then, and on and on. His hashing it out while i was vulnerable, and without capacity. I then got even more upset, as nearly any dialogue about my feelings becomes a thing, where I can’t just be heard, I have to immediately hear his side and understand him without feeling understood. And then when I try to be understood, I tend to talk to fast and too much and he can’t even sit with or process it. I want desperately to be heard, but my disability and communication can be too fast and connect too many dots.

I’m down to hear my partners side, just not while I am full of grief about the topic, and having horrendous chronic pain and mood disturbances. I think everyone deserves a time to be heard, just maybe not always at the same time.

I notice a pattern throughout my life where, being in a close relationship with a man (partnered) causes me to loose parts of myself.

I want to go through a whole week without thinking about my partner, and only thinking of myself, that exciting feeling of (having no one) to worry about or communicate with or dealing with the defensiveness that men seem to carry around with them.

I’m a nurturing person so I’m always thinking about my partner or my people, I’m always performing relationship upkeep with little in return due to my socialization.

The thing is I am actually autistic and autistic people can’t do this, I need my week-two weeks alone, to completely loose myself and forget I am even socialized as a woman. But I find it hard to forget about my relationship duties.

I heard menopause help us to let go of all that crap, but I am 31. I want to not give a heck NOW not when I am much older.