u/Musikenna

If your script has good grammar, that automatically puts you in the top 10% of scripts. I'm not kidding. You have no idea how many submissions we get that clearly have not been proofread once. Don't set yourself up for failure.

Also, I don't know why I need to say this, but don't be creepy towards women in your script. If a character is introduced as "Jane Doe, 16, face of angel but body of a porn star", consider that an automatic pass.

If the character has the exact same name as the writer, we can tell it's self-insert fan fiction. And most of the time, it's really uncomfortable. No one wants to read your wish-fulfillment script about you winning the olympics then having sex with an entire cheerleading team.

Sincerely,
A judge

https://drive.google.com/file/d/15tXmA-Luz8LuIEE3_IoZ2TWhVrLL5OJi/view?usp=sharing

Title: The Teenager's Guide to Not Committing Suicide
Format: Feature
Page length: 90
Genres: Queer coming of age, dark comedy
Logline: After a failed suicide attempt leaves her magically bound to a ditzy guardian angel, a depressed teenager must help the angel save her life or be stuck together for eternity.
Pitch: Mean Girls meets A Wonderful Life
Feedback concerns: I've posted this on storypeer six times, and averaged a score of 7/10 accross the ratings. I mainly want some feedback on what would push this script from "good" to great.

All feedback is appreciated!

Attached is a feature I've been revising. I'd appreciate feedback, even if you only read the first few pages and tell me what made you stop reading.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AdasphEFa_2-8oHmPj_GT0gNh0Z4vcVd/view?usp=sharing

Logline: After a failed suicide attempt leaves her magically bound to a ditzy guardian angel, a depressed teenager must help the angel save her life or be stuck together for eternity.

Hello! I'm a couple drafts in to a feature I'm working, "The Teenager's Guide to Not Committing Suicide," and I would like feedback on the logline.

Here was what I first came up with, and you'll quickly see the problem:

"A suicidal teenager is stopped from jumping by an incompetent guardian angel who needs to save her life to earn her wings."

Many people's first response to reading this goes like:

"Isn't that just a Wonderful Life?"

"Isn't that just Good Fortune?"

While my script is very different in execution, tone, and genre from these films, you could never tell by just the logline.

What I'm currently struggling with is how to show what makes this film different from the others without being overly wordy or giving too much away. For example, if I were to describe the premise, I'd say:

Nicole, a suicidal teenager, is stopped from jumping by Angel, an incompetentent guardian angel in training who needs to save her life to earn her wings. Until the powers at be deem Nicole depression free, the two of them can not be more than 50 feet apart. To get rid of Angel, Nicole plays along with her seemingly shallow plan to get her life back together. Instead, the two become unlikely friends.

The script is primarily a buddy comedy with coming of age elements, which also isn't clear from the logline alone.

I'm still trying to workshop it. Maybe:

"After a failed suicide attempt is interrupted by a bumbling rookie guardian angel, a jaded, depressed sixteen-year-old is forced into an unlikely friendship that ends up teaching them both what it means to actually want to live."

Anyways, thank you for reading, and I appreciate all feedback!

Hello! This is act 1 of my current project, "The Teenager's Guide to Not Committing Suicide."

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lxTNHUoE50n7ShiTiY6Q63Cp2X1KJqYZ/view?usp=sharing

A suicidal teenager is stopped from jumping by an incompetent guardian angel who needs to save her life to earn her wings. Now bound together until her depression's cured, she has to play along with her ridiculous self-help plan to get rid of her.

Mainly, I want feedback on how well this opening draws you in. Do you want to read more? Why or why not?

Also, I'd like to know how the jokes land, but I understand that's very subjective.

All feedback is appreciated! I'm only 20, so I'm sure I have lots to learn :)

It's Thursday and my professor still hasn't posted the assignment for this week, despite what the syllabus says. Prior to this they've been posting assignments monday morning on the dot. I emailed them two days ago and they haven't responded.

Is there anything else I should do? Or should I just wait it out?

Wondering if anyone else had something like this happen.

You won't sell a screenplay if you don't know basic formatting.

You won't sell a screenplay if you have never read a screenplay.

You won't sell a screenplay if it's based off an IP you don't have the rights to.

You won't sell a screenplay if you can't accept feedback.

You won't sell a screenplay if you never write a screenplay.

You won't sell a screenplay if you never write a screenplay.

Title: NIGHT OF THE BLOOD MOON
Format: Screenplay
Length: 9 pages
Genres: Drama/Comedy
Logline or Summary: Rachel struggles writing a Werewolf Rape Revenge movie in a male-dominated industry. Her male coworker, Kyle, advises her to cater to the male gaze.
Feedback concerns: This is a comedy short I'm working on. My friends who've read it so far say that it excells in dialogue and pacing, but the ending needs work. Feedback is appreciated!

Script link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xvHVAX_5ay7Y9Q74Q1A4116VNYKLvfOS/view?usp=sharing