r/writingcirclejerk

So I've been married for a few years now, but i guess you learn new things about your partner everyday.

It all began as we were coupling. You see, usually she'd scream my name as she boobed breastily on the bed, but this time she instead ejaculated "oh yes, put your wand in my chamber of secrets, harry potter".

Afterwards we talked a bit, and then she showed me the account on which she wrote fanfic. I won't be sharing the details with you perverts, but there was a lot of it, and it was disturbing.

For one thing, she chose to write fanfiction for the most basic works out there: harry potter, hunger games, jeff the killer. I could understand house of leaves fanfic, where the shaft was bigger on the inside, but this was just rubbish. Harry potter didn't even use magic during the act, he could have been any other teenage boy.

Worse still, she genuinely is terrible at "show, don't tell". This makes me sad and ashamed, but I know she is proud of her work. I am shocked!

And the sex, the sex!!! It's terrible, uninspired, and emotionally flat. But the thing is, our real sex is great, groundshaking, even word spewing! She told me she had to dumb down her sex scenes because most of her readers are virgins.

So all in all, I'm at a loss on how to help my wife improve. Does anyone here have any advice on how to help her? I myself have written a plethora of cuckold fanfiction, and i still can't find a solution.

Thank you for your thoughts on my wife.

Yours sincerely,

Cuckoldwriter67

Re*ders are the worst type of people. There you go, writing a story you enjoy, then BAM! A re*ader comes along to ruin your words with inane obversations and witticisms that the re*der thinks makes it clever. A re*der will ruin your works of magnificant art, finding "hidden messages," "problematic ideas," and blame you for "opening its eyes to the power of incest." Re*ders are scum and should never enjoy anymore moments of life. Kill all re*ders, I say (in Fortnite 2)! Writers rise up! Let the tyrrany of the re*der end today!

How and why exactly is Brian Griffin actually a bad writer? Is he just inherently bad at writing or does his problem stem from something else like a combination of ego and laziness?

He’s one of my three anti-inspirations for becoming a writer (alongside BoJack Horseman’s father Butterscotch Horseman and Spider-Man’s Mary Jane Watson’s father Philip Watson), so I want specifics.

For some context, here’s his “bibliography”:

\-*Faster Than the Speed of Love*: His published novel, which is a knockoff of the *Iron Eagle* film series.

\-*Wish It, Want It, Do It*: His published self-help book with a redundant title that was a surprising success until Bill Maher, Arianna Huffington and Dana Gould destroyed it on air.

\-An untitled fictional novel about a guy who lost everything but finds a new life in Canada and the whole book is an E-mail to his daughter who's dead.

\-*A Passing Fancy*: His play that was brilliant by Quahog’s mediocre standards, but terrible by real standards of professional playwrights. Stewie says that it uses overdone clichés and blatant plagiarism, including a line from Seinfeld.

\-*What I Learned on Jefferson Street*: His pilot for a drama (before James Woods turned it into a sitcom called *Classholes!*) that was painted in-universe as a masterpiece with wasted potential, but the one piece of dialogue heard was a pretentious cliche.

\-Something he was typing on his laptop where his dialogue was "A writer who inherits a magic typewriter that writes for him… but then it turns out the typewriter… is racist?!"

\-*Parent Boppers*: A detective show on the Disney Channel he was a scriptwriter on that starred his son Dylan (which is how Brian got the job in the first place) and that Brian would get fired from for going behind the writers’ backs by slipping in material too mature for a kids’ show.

\-Attempted to write a sequel to Ernest Hemmingway's *The Old Man and the Sea*: Stewie asked if that’s allowed and yes, I’m pretty sure it is.

\-A 70's funk musical about William Howard Taft: The one song heard was clearly a knockoff of the *Shaft* theme.

\-*The Holy Brible*: His attempted autobiography, which included a hypocritical title (he’s an atheist).

\-*Swishy the Football Baby*: His published humiliating children’s book (and possibly his only solo success) in response to Stewie basing his own humiliating children’s book series, *Flunky The Dumb White Dog*, on Brian.

\-*Chasing My Tale*: His published autobiography, which had a poor reception.

\-*Stewie's Spooky Quahog Nightmare Dance*: A Halloween song he wrote with Stewie that’s certainly well-liked in the real world.

\-A movie screenplay that Stewie, when he hears it opens in a space brothel, thinks it actually has potential.

\-An essay that allowed him to win the New England Rising Writer’s award for an essay he wrote, which he later revealed to have plagiarized from *Summer of '42*.

\-During one of his and Stewie’s time travel episodes, Brian advised his new past self to take false and undeserved credit for the *Harry Potter* novels.

\-During another one of his and Stewie’s time travel episodes, they bring Mark Twain to the present to improve Brian’s own writing, bringing the manuscript for *The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn* with them. Believing that the writing is more important than the author behind it, Brian attempts to preserve Twain's legacy by publishing *The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn* under his own name without ever reading it or changing the outdated language and content that was acceptable in the 1880s, despite claiming it to be a master work. This only lead him to getting cancelled and expelled from his writing class (where he wasn’t even doing the work).

Talk about writing unironically, vent about other writing forums, or discuss whatever you like here.

New to the community? Start with the wiki.

Also, you can post links to your writing here, if you really want to. But only here! This is the only place in the subreddit where self-promotion is permitted.

Start by imagining the type of person you most despise with lots of disposable income, that's your target market! Do your research! Make sure your writing caters to them and their worldview in every possible way! Study successful contemporary writers, and when you think this stuff couldn't be any dumber, wrong! Identify what you hate about it and go even dumber! That's your niche! And remember, every story should use the same structure and narrative arc and even story beats (those being three act structure and hero's journey of course), because that's what being creative means! Good luck!

Having written for the past 20 svedbergs, it has come to my attention that my writing is not for everyone.

I have a few beta readers and some of them have declined to continue, politely telling me that my writing is not what they enjoy. They proceeded to go back to gushing about their favourite webnovels.

The ones that finished had glowing reviews of my writing and compared it to their favourites: Glen Cook, Scott Bakker, Steven Erikson, Joe Abercrombie, Gene Wolfe, John & Alex Dent-Young, among many others.

I am trying to figure out what demographic my readership will likely be. One correlation I noticed was that all the readers that finished my book have advanced degrees: JDs, MDs, and PhDs.

I have discerned that only brilliant minds enjoy my writing and that it is not a good fit for stupid idiots who consume drivel and call it art. This highly scientific conclusion is unimpacted by the fact that only my grad school friends finished the book whereas everyone else was a rando off of Reddit.

I wrote all the captions for my friend's Etsy store and she paid me in Neil the Seal resin earrings and also lets me crash on her couch which makes me a professional writer (anyone who says you have to be paid in money to be a professional is just gatekeeping).

However I kept my day job in order to stay humble and also because my landlord refused to be paid in Neil the Seal resin earrings.

As a PROFESSIONAL writer I am here to dispense some utterly unique advice:

1. Read lots.
2. Write lots.
3. Write what you know (my book is about the sasquatch!)
4. Kill your darlings.
5. Learn how to use AI.

Hope my advice helps you all to become PROFESSIONAL writers like me!

EDIT: Wow I'm being downvoted for being pro-AI? Guess you won't ever be PROFESSIONAL writers like me!

I am a 16 year old novel writer in India.
Without being overconfidence, my novel which is Y/A, rom com, urban and school fantasy.
Is excellent.
I mean I won't say perfect but enough that close people loved it.
The problem is
I heard there is higher chance of getting disqualified if I publish it online.
The real problem is it can get really good, like having own big fandom, merch, official video games or animated series etc.
And I feel I am not daydreaming about the plot.

But how do I start?
I am currently making character designs and sheets for now.

It’s like the double slit experiment. As soon as another’s eyes gaze upon my writing, the superposition wave form of my work collapses into mediocrity. The critic reduces my work’s purity and genius to mediocrity. “A passable sci fi romance”? The critic literally reduces my masterpiece down to something “passable”. The observer effect in action!

But if nobody sees my work? Its pristine genius is preserved. True masterpieces remain so only if they maintain their superposition. Do not let others collapse the wave form of your work, fellow geniuses! May your masterpieces remain unread!

❤️ Hii, I'm a 32yo female looking for writer buddies~ critique partners ❤️ aren't really what I'm looking for primarily but really I'm after creative writers who just want to chat about our projects and nerd out together. I write queer romantasy fiction and I've been writing since I was 11 years old, so that's 21 years of writing books and stories (though nothing published yet.) I love ❤️❤️❤️ darker themes as well as cute fluffy ones and combining the two is my favorite thing. I love to chat not just about writing but all sorts of things, mostly on Discord, and we don't have to like the same genres to chat, I love ❤️❤️ all sorts of writing. ❤️ Bonus points if you also like to draw, but it's not required ❤️ Send a DM my way sometime if it sounds like we'll get along❤️!

p.s. ❤️This is not a trap! ❤️ I really am a girl! I am not a hardened criminal ❤️with prison library access! ❤️

I've always felt like it'd be cool to have a story written in a language like French, where it might sound more romantic. Or Japanese, where it might seem more artsy. The problem is, I only know English.

But then I got the idea... what if I just Google translate everything I write to another language? Thoughts? Have any of you ever done this for an entire novel?

Hello everyone, I have finished my first book. I have a very good English literature and language skill level, and my book itself is very emotional and great. I've had 2 other authors and 1 publisher read through it. I've grammar- and spelling-checked it probably well over 42069 times.

However, I do not have 6-7 k to publish it. What can I do? What are my options? Does anyone know of a very kind publisher that would maybe do it for free? I know it's a long shot.

I just think it would be so much more romantic written in Klingon you know? Would it be ok for me to use Google Translate to write my entire book in Klingon or should I find a translator at my local tabletop rpg depot? What do you guys think?🤔

Writing is the use of signs. What even then is that difference between the alphabet and the movement of my hand?

While I may not have read enough nor at all to write a good sentence, I am most certainly experienced enough to jerk my fantasy epic out, in iambic (down UP down UP down UP down UP down UP).

People would be confused at first but as soon as they subscribe to my subtrack to understand how I constructed my finger-position-based signing from Linear B, money and praise will be pouring in.

Before anybody accuses me of not reading Shakespear, I read two acts of Romeo and Juliet over a period of three months in a classroom environment where I was forced to stop and analyse every sentence, so I know what I'm talking about.

The only reason we even still talk about Shakesper is the same reason we still talk about Euclid and Isaac Newton: because they teach them in school! It's not as if Shakespear was writing during a literary boom and competing with hundreds of other contemporary poets and playwrites. It was literally just Sheakspar. If they had Kurusawa's Throne of Blood or Ran back then, nobody would have given a shit about MacBeth or King Lear.

And that brings me to the real reason people still pretend Shakspeer is good. He's white! People just want the best writer who ever lived to be a WASP (which is definitely a term that is meaningful and relevant to everybody in the western world, and not just some parts of the US).

Newsflash, racists! The only reason we still have Shekspera plays lying around is that white people were advanced enough to write things down and analyse them in the 1600s. If the people in non-white countries had been that smart, they'd probably have their own literary canons that they teach in their schools and are translated and analysed around the world!

I'm just so sick of the snobs who think that just because Sheiksafir used fancy words like "within", he's automatically better than actually revolutionary Manga and Anime like How I Lost my Job as an Elementary School Teacher or The Police Searched my Hard Drive and now I'm Going to Prison!?!?!