u/MustBeMouseBoy

Retail was the job that put the nail in the coffin of my disability. I've worked animal care, fast food, warehouse, factory floor and cinema but the thing that did me in was working the shop floor.

For context before I started I told them I have dyspraxia, AuDHD and Tourettes. I wore a little badge asking customers to be patient and I was very clear about my abilities. I was able to work, just needed a little extra time and consideration.

Within three weeks I was in charge of four areas of the shop at once; stocking shelves, bakery, self service and main checkout. how is that possible for one person? It's not. Upper management said a pallet should be unloaded in 40 minutes each as standard but my manager told me 20. I had one hour before doors open, and a chorus of even alarms pulling me away once every five minutes or the bakery would burn down. I had to rush, which meant I wasn't lifting anything safely, and I kept hurting my back and having to power through it to make my times.

If I fell behind my manager gave me a big speech about how I was letting down my coworkers and laziness wouldn't be tolerated, and being a team player meant making sacrifices. This was a job that every week without fail would call me on my days off and ask me to cover shifts. I was raised to be a sucker so I always did it. I was on a twenty five hour contract and ended up doing forty hour weeks every week. I was at uni and had to constantly juggle my schedule around my lectures, which I was swiftly becoming too exhausted to pay any attention to.

Part of my route to walk to work at 4am took me through the rough part of town with all the nightclubs letting out their drunk people. Work knew this, they were in an area known for being rough too. Shoplifting and abusive behaviour was common for the public and we had a security guard at all times.

One night/morning I was walking to work when a woman coming out of one club was screaming at her friends literally about coke. They broke out into a physical fight which blocked my path. I wasn't about to ask them to stop so I can politely slip past, so I doubled back and went on a twenty minute detour. I'm not a superhero and I was scared.

First thing I did when I got in late was find the assistant manager and explain what happened. I was hoping for understanding, maybe even a little comfort. She said, "You should plan your route better. This isn't an excuse." I tried to explain I couldn't possibly know that would happen and she told me to wake up earlier next time. I was like... I already wake up at 3am? I had no idea this would happen why am I in trouble? She said it wasn't her problem and I should figure it out.

Another day one of my coworkers saw me struggling and took over the pallet I was doing. He told me that forty minutes was supposed to be standard, and he wasn't sure why they had told me twenty. I told my manager in my interview I take everything very literally and at my induction he made clear to say multiple times 'twenty minutes.' To this day I can only assume that they singled me out because of my autism. I told them I take everything extremely literally, so they had to know what they were doing.

After months of this my body was literally breaking on me. I was in pain all the time, I hated the customers, I cried all the time. My girlfriend said she felt neglected because all I could do after my shifts was collapse into bed and sleep. I was having nightmares about being on the shop floor, my tourettes was worse. They asked for longer hours, after my shift was over they would ask me to stay 'just another one' and after than on a couple occasions 'just one more.' I would spend my breaks hiding from everyone, and I started falling ill. I took a year out of uni, partly related to the job partly not.

One day I stopped and looked at the heavy crate I was hurting myself to lift. I had a moment of clarity and thought 'this is stupid.' I literally put it down and walked out. I abandoned my coat, never went back to get it. I just walked out of there, blocked their number and never showed up again.

This was a few years ago now but consequences have become clear over time. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and am always in pain. Just always, there's nothing I can do. I have panic attacks and agoraphobia, and anxiety so bad I randomly vomit. I can't go outside alone anymore both from anxiety and needing someone to physically lean on. I had to drop out. There are more factors here than just the job (trauma and genetics) but it certainly didn't help anything, and they knew exactly what I was going through when I signed on. I asked for accommodations and was exploited.

I have been out of work for two years and am struggling even with daily routines. I wish I had quit sooner, my life could look different if I hadn't been so much of a doormat. Please consider me a cautionary tale. One thing is certain I'm never working retail ever again.