u/Neon_Kara

I am an 18yo AMAB living in Syria. I have been experiencing extreme gender dysphoria for almost 7 months but only discovered was a thing 5 months ago.

The dysphoria (even though it almost decreased in the past month) is slowly destroying my life.

This is my first year in college (med school), and I am barely studying. And this i feel is because of me thinking about my gender identity and how my assigned gender roles and expectations don’t align with how I see myself all the time. It just made it that any step I have in life would make no difference for me.

Anyways, so I booked an appointment with a therapist in my city. (Quick side note: in my country, going to a therapist is not perceived as something normal. If people knew you were going to a therapist, they might think you are either crazy or have faced a severe trauma.)

And now I am really scared that the therapist would make things worse because I don’t honestly have a lot of trust in therapists in my country. I think they are more specialized and used to war trauma and severe anxiety attacks rather than things like “gender dysphoria”.

I am afraid he might tell me things like “gender dysphoria is not real” or “this is cause to the stress you are going through” or even not focus on my main point but rather think that I just am depressed because I am not having progress in my college, that is of course if we exclude the possibility of him mocking me (which i believe might be a high possibility tbh).

Even if I excluded all the possibilities above, I am still scared he would say something like “ok, i get you, i know gender dysphoria is real and hard, but you must accept yourself as it is. It is not permissible in our religion transition”

I am an 18yo AMAB living in Syria. I have been experiencing extreme gender dysphoria for almost 7 months but only discovered was a thing 5 months ago.

The dysphoria (even though it almost decreased in the past month) is slowly destroying my life.

This is my first year in college (med school), and I am barely studying. And this i feel is because of me thinking about my gender identity and how my assigned gender roles and expectations don’t align with how I see myself all the time. It just made it that any step I have in life would make no difference for me.

Anyways, so I booked an appointment with a therapist in my city. (Quick side note: in my country, going to a therapist is not perceived as something normal. If people knew you were going to a therapist, they might think you are either crazy or have faced a severe trauma.)

And now I am really scared that the therapist would make things worse because I don’t honestly have a lot of trust in therapists in my country. I think they are more specialized and used to war trauma and severe anxiety attacks rather than things like “gender dysphoria”.

I am afraid he might tell me things like “gender dysphoria is not real” or “this is cause to the stress you are going through” or even not focus on my main point but rather think that I just am depressed because I am not having progress in my college, that is of course if we exclude the possibility of him mocking me (which i believe might be a high possibility tbh).

Even if I excluded all the possibilities above, I am still scared he would say something like “ok, i get you, i know gender dysphoria is real and hard, but you must accept yourself as it is. It is not permissible in our religion transition”

I am a 18yo AMAB who discovered was trans 5month ago.
But transitioning in my current location and society is completely impossible. I really wish i could transition as early and fast as i could because of the irreversible changes testosterone is doing to my body slowly. I already regret not realizing i was trans before puberty. But sadly i didn’t and i have to live with that truth now.

Anyways, I was thinking since i have no possible way to transition in my country right now, is there a way were i could stop testosterone production in some ways. I am having constant dysphoria to every reaction tied to testosterone in my body.

Are there like some natural products i could consume or routines i could do to at least decrease testosterone production and increase estrogen levels. Because i have literally reached to the point where every time i get in the shower i would hold the scissors at my nuts and actually think about cutting them.

I am a 18yo AMAB who discovered was trans 5month ago.
But transitioning in my current location and society is completely impossible. I really wish i could transition as early and fast as i could because of the irreversible changes testosterone is doing to my body slowly. I already regret not realizing i was trans before puberty. But sadly i didn’t and i have to live with that truth now.

Anyways, I was thinking since i have no possible way to transition in my country right now, is there a way were i could stop testosterone production in some ways. I am having constant dysphoria to every reaction tied to testosterone in my body.

Are there like some natural products i could consume or routines i could do to at least decrease testosterone production and increase estrogen levels. Because i have literally reached to the point where every time i get in the shower i would hold the scissors at my nuts and actually think about cutting them.

Hi everyone,
I’m 18 years old, assigned male at birth, and I come from a very conservative family and culture where being transgender is considered unacceptable. Until about five months ago, I didn’t even know what gender dysphoria was. Looking back, though, I think I’ve been experiencing it for around four years, although it became much more intense during the last five months. Interestingly, during the past week it has decreased quite a bit for no obvious reason, which is one of the reasons I’m still questioning myself.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have gone through something similar, especially if you questioned your gender for a long time or came from a conservative background.

I grew up as the oldest son in a family with very traditional expectations for men and women. I was also a very introverted child. After moving to another country when I was young, I became even more isolated and spent most of my free time playing video games. Looking back, I don’t feel like I paid much attention to myself while growing up. I barely remember puberty because I was so disconnected from my own body and focused almost entirely on games.

My family has always expected me to become the typical man in our society: work, provide, be tough, and eventually support a family. My father often brought me to work with him from a young age because that’s what boys are expected to do. I remember constantly telling him I wanted to stay home instead. He would always respond with things like, “Men don’t stay at home. Only women do.”

At the time I didn’t consciously think, “I belong with the women.” I just knew I hated being outside pretending to be masculine, being called “young man,” and feeling like I had to fit into that role. Even when my computer was taken away, I would rather stay home helping my mother with household chores than go to the store.

About seven months ago I started medical school, and around the same time I made some major lifestyle changes. I quit video games because they no longer interested me, stopped watching pornography after struggling with it for about three years, and returned to hobbies I used to enjoy like drawing, piano, reading, and journaling.

Having more quiet time made me start paying attention to myself for what feels like the first time.

I began noticing how uncomfortable I felt with my body. I dislike my facial hair, body hair, broad ribcage, masculine appearance, and mostly my genitalia. Shaving my beard and legs gave me an unexpected feeling of relief and happiness. Growing my hair out also felt much more natural than cutting it short.

Around that time I also started thinking seriously about my future. I realized that I had never related to the traditional male role expected in my culture. I don’t identify with most of the expectations placed on men, and I found myself repeatedly wishing that I had simply been born a girl. What surprised me most was that the thought felt strangely familiar, as if it had always been somewhere in the back of my mind.

I started researching gender dysphoria to better understand what I was experiencing. I still don’t fully understand everything about gender identity, but I know a few things about myself.

If there were a button that could instantly make me biologically female, with everyone remembering me that way and no social consequences, I would press it immediately without hesitation.

More recently I’ve realized something else. Even if I imagine a world where women had the same career expectations, the same responsibilities, and all the same hardships, I would still want that. When I imagine my body gradually becoming female, the emotions I feel are comfort and peace with slight excitement nonetheless.
At the same time, I’m constantly questioning myself.
I keep wondering:

What if this is just stress from medical school?
What if I’m only overwhelmed by growing up and facing adult responsibilities?
What if I simply hate the male role in my culture?
What if I’m overthinking something that most people never think about?
What if my mind is creating an explanation because I’m anxious about my future?

Those thoughts make me doubt myself almost every day.

Looking back, I can also remember some things that seem relevant, although I don’t know whether they actually mean anything. People generally described me as calm and gentle, I often preferred spending time with girls, and many of the few friendships I remember from childhood were with girls rather than boys.

Another thing that stands out is that during the years I struggled with pornography, I consistently imagined myself in the female role rather than the male one. I don’t know whether that’s meaningful or not, but it felt consistent enough to mention.

One thing I’m still trying to understand is this: when people refer to me as a man, something feels deeply wrong or misclassified. On the other hand, when I privately think of myself as a woman—or even if someone jokingly refers to me that way—I feel an unexpected sense of relief and calm. It’s difficult to explain, but it feels less like excitement and more like something settling into place.

Despite all of this, transitioning feels almost impossible. Financially it would be extremely difficult, and socially I don’t think my family or community would understand or even take me seriously.

I’m really hoping for is to hear from people who questioned themselves for a long time. Did any of what I’ve described resonate with your own experience? Were there parts that stood out to you as particularly consistent—or inconsistent—with gender dysphoria?
Thank you for reading.

Hi everyone,

I’m 18 years old, assigned male at birth, and I come from a very conservative family and culture where being transgender is considered unacceptable. Until about five months ago, I didn’t even know what gender dysphoria was. Looking back, though, I think I’ve been experiencing it for around four years, although it became much more intense during the last five months. Interestingly, during the past week it has decreased quite a bit for no obvious reason, which is one of the reasons I’m still questioning myself.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have gone through something similar, especially if you questioned your gender for a long time or came from a conservative background.

I grew up as the oldest son in a family with very traditional expectations for men and women. I was also a very introverted child. After moving to another country when I was young, I became even more isolated and spent most of my free time playing video games. Looking back, I don’t feel like I paid much attention to myself while growing up. I barely remember puberty because I was so disconnected from my own body and focused almost entirely on games.

My family has always expected me to become the typical man in our society: work, provide, be tough, and eventually support a family. My father often brought me to work with him from a young age because that’s what boys are expected to do. I remember constantly telling him I wanted to stay home instead. He would always respond with things like, “Men don’t stay at home. Only women do.”

At the time I didn’t consciously think, “I belong with the women.” I just knew I hated being outside pretending to be masculine, being called “young man,” and feeling like I had to fit into that role. Even when my computer was taken away, I would rather stay home helping my mother with household chores than go to the store.

About seven months ago I started medical school, and around the same time I made some major lifestyle changes. I quit video games because they no longer interested me, stopped watching pornography after struggling with it for about three years, and returned to hobbies I used to enjoy like drawing, piano, reading, and journaling.

Having more quiet time made me start paying attention to myself for what feels like the first time.

I began noticing how uncomfortable I felt with my body. I dislike my facial hair, body hair, broad ribcage, masculine appearance, even and for the most part my genitals. Shaving my beard and legs gave me an unexpected feeling of relief and happiness. Growing my hair out also felt much more natural than cutting it short.

Around that time I also started thinking seriously about my future. I realized that I had never related to the traditional male role expected in my culture. I don’t identify with most of the expectations placed on men, and I found myself repeatedly wishing that I had simply been born a girl. What surprised me most was that the thought felt strangely familiar, as if it had always been somewhere in the back of my mind.

I started researching gender dysphoria to better understand what I was experiencing. I still don’t fully understand everything about gender identity, but I know a few things about myself.

If there were a button that could instantly make me biologically female, with everyone remembering me that way and no social consequences, I would press it immediately without hesitation.

More recently I’ve realized something else. Even if I imagine a world where women had the same career expectations, the same responsibilities, and all the same hardships, I would still want that. When I imagine my body gradually becoming female, the emotions I feel are comfort and peace with slight excitement nonetheless.
At the same time, I’m constantly questioning myself.
I keep wondering:

What if this is just stress from medical school?
What if I’m only overwhelmed by growing up and facing adult responsibilities?
What if I simply hate the male role in my culture?
What if I’m overthinking something that most people never think about?
What if my mind is creating an explanation because I’m anxious about my future?

Those thoughts make me doubt myself almost every day.

Looking back, I can also remember some things that seem relevant, although I don’t know whether they actually mean anything. People generally described me as calm and gentle, I often preferred spending time with girls, and many of the few friendships I remember from childhood were with girls rather than boys.

Another thing that stands out is that during the years I struggled with pornography, I consistently imagined myself in the female role rather than the male one. I don’t know whether that’s meaningful or not, but it felt consistent enough to mention.

One thing I’m still trying to understand is this: when people refer to me as a man, something feels deeply wrong or misclassified. On the other hand, when I privately think of myself as a woman—or even if someone jokingly refers to me that way—I feel an unexpected sense of relief and calm. It’s difficult to explain, but it feels less like excitement and more like something settling into place.

Despite all of this, transitioning feels almost impossible. Financially it would be extremely difficult, and socially I don’t think my family or community would understand or even take me seriously.

I’m really hoping for is to hear from people who questioned themselves for a long time. Did any of what I’ve described resonate with your own experience? Were there parts that stood out to you as particularly consistent—or inconsistent—with gender dysphoria?

Thank you for reading.