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u/Nervous_3y3

Image 1 — Im tired of hating
Image 2 — Im tired of hating
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▲ 44 r/exmuslim

Im tired of hating

Im tired. Im ill, my head hurts. They don't care. Their streets echo and scream in agony as their words spread fear. My ears might bleed soon. Who cares, though. Who cares if im hurt, as long as it doesn't hurt them? Maybe i should've hurt them more. Maybe u should've been less kind. Less understanding. Less respectful. It's on me to have tolerated them so far, but what could i do? What power i possess against 2 billion people? 2 billion zombies ready to feast on my flesh that had tasted nothing but agony and hatred for years now, why do they drool over such hardened, unwelcoming, bitter taste? Why do they never stay silent, but always advice to do so? Why do they deny their hunger for sin, for ruined lives, for unending selfishness? I realised through time, though, you can reason with anyone with enough trial. What matters most, on the other hand, is it worth it? Save, for what? Respect, for what? Just for them to give you up again? Just for you to forget? Just to suffer yourslef only? They don't deserve any means of welcoming. They get what they deserve thanks to their rip-off superpowers. Thanks to their ignorance. Thanks to their pathetic god. Suffer more, for i do so every moment.

u/Nervous_3y3 — 4 days ago
▲ 12 r/Artisticallyill

Im sorry i cant draw shi when im too overwhelmed

My head hurts. But i can't rest. I can never rest. They never let me rest. I dont want to think, to think this is the rest of my life. I dont want to feel again, not because i dont love world, but because world isn't with me. THEY are with me. They never leave me. I wish they would be gone forever

u/Nervous_3y3 — 4 days ago
▲ 86 r/grippysockcrayonbox

Im sorry i cant draw shi when im too overwhelmed

I wish i could make them feel how it feels to suffocate inside out everyday multiple times no escape no love no distraction no peace no nothing, only suffer and suffer and loop. No escape. No one to save me. No feelings, or else it hurts again. It only hurts. I know this world is worth living, and to experience. But if i can't get to feel it, to love it, to see it, what gives? What changes if im trapped here again, with disgusting people and their inconsiderance, and their unending ego, and their suffocating cigarettes, machines, odors, anything. What intention does the knowledge of a beautiful, QUIET world carry other than to mock me for getting trapped afar? I don't want to live if that's the rest of my life. I dont want to hear their PATHETIC god's name ever again. I want to hurt them. I want to silence them. I HATE THEM. And thats all i am. Hate and suffocate and hope and never be happy. Never spend a day away from them. Never have privacy to drown myself in tears. Never have the luxury of being left alone. Never leave this land. Die here. Feed it. I hope i am made of poison, though, because i began to think i will never have the chance to be something better, someone away from here, someone who had healed, someoine who isn't their "witch" to burn all day everyday every moment WHY SHOULD I LOVE THEM?? And to think, military expects me to kill someone else for them.. To be their dog. To defend THEIR land. This land isn't mine. This flag isnt mine. These people aren't mine. They belong to hell. And i know i don't. Because if i didn't, i would be their's again. Not again. If it takes a parasite's death to make a bird fly free, THE SUN SHALL FALL ON THEM, AND BURN LIKE THE TORCHES THEY CARRY SO CLOSE.

u/Nervous_3y3 — 4 days ago
▲ 26 r/horse_decimator_9000

Evil horse burns innocent poor creatures with their magic sun and will soon stomp on their ashes maliciously. We should decimate her immediately!

This took me a year to finish... Why? I was afraid of the horse's face and didn't have the courage to face such menacing, diabolical stare... But no more, no more i say! THIS HORSE SHOULD BE DECIMATED. (second pic is ref)

u/Nervous_3y3 — 13 days ago
▲ 6 r/mylittlepony

The light will show you the way even in the unending depths of the forest

This took me abut a year to finish. Why? Because i was too afraid to finish the face. Yes thats it. I may be stupid... (second pic is ref)

u/Nervous_3y3 — 13 days ago
▲ 22 r/Artisticallyill

Gng 🤙 (tw: cat, Drugs, Sh and bs)

I don't do drugs or weeds or anything, just drew bs cuz vibe. (2 is base and 3 is an interesting-ish screwed attempt. I was gonna do a few more variations for style with less/no depictions of unhealthy habits n themes but i didn't have the mental energy to do multiple at that moment so i did this.)

u/Nervous_3y3 — 14 days ago
▲ 48 r/grippysockcrayonbox

Gng 🤙

I don't do drugs or weeds or anything, just drew bs cuz vibe. (2 is base and 3 is one of the interesting-ish screwed attempts. I was gonna do smt black and white (maybe goth idk?) or smt more cheerful at first but didn't have the mental energy to do it all seperately so i tried this instead..)

u/Nervous_3y3 — 14 days ago
▲ 3 r/raisedbynarcissists

I dont want to feel hopeful

Im tired. Tired of thinking "maybe im exaggarating? Maybe im ungrateful? Maybe it's not theur fault? Maybe i can be more forgiving? Maybe I SHOULD NOT FUCKING BE ALIVE??? Why am i even alive at this point. When my own skin feels stranger, when my mom's so "lovely" touch makes me disgusted to the point i can't even press my face against a pillow because of what it reminds me of, when i realise my own weaknesses and remember how they used to cover them, why am i living? If i cant even feel ANYTHING properly, what better am i than a robot that envies the world it will never get to see?(i have no mouth type shi) except.. IT ALL FEELS OVERWHELMINGLY DISGUSTING AND I DONT EVEN WANT TO THINK, TO THINK THAT THEY WERE THE ONE WHO LOVED ME FIRST, AND PERHAPS WILL BE THE LAST. I WANT THEIR "SENSATION" GONE. THEIR MEMORY, THEIR PRESENCE, I WANT THEM ERASED FROM MY WORLD. I DONT WANT THEM DEAD, THATS NOT WHAT I SEEK. death is not for their's to embrace. Its peaceful. I dont wnat them to experience peace. I want them gone. To nothing. Not even nothing, just erased from any means of existence. I dont want to be able to think or remember them. i wish they would be gone forever like the fake god they tied me up with, suffering until it's puppeteers are dead. They dont let me go. They dont let me sleep. They dont let me feel, anything but disgust and grudge. Im full of it, yet i can't put it on anyone or anything. I cant harm an inanimate object without guilt, how come do i do the same to SOMEONE? I can't. I dont want to, either. Im okay with it. But they dont think the same. They hurt and hurt and bind and torture and still have the guts to play the victim. Victim? Me? Haha never. Im always the guilty, the scapegoat, the object. The object they use to enforce their pride and hope onto. I dont want it. MY SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS IS NOT YOURS TO FEEL OR SHARE. IM NOT A FUCKING TROPHY. I DIDN'T DO IT THANKS TO YOU, I DID IT DESPITE YOU. IM NOT YOUR FUCKING TOY TO ENTERTAIN WHEN SAD FOR YOUR BLOODHOODS WHOM YOU ACCEPTED INTO YOUR WORLD DESPITE KNOWING THE CONSEQUENCES. IM NOT YOUR GODDAMNED THERAPIST TO SHOW YOU THE WAY. IM NOT THE FATHER NOR THE MOTHER OF MY SISTER. WHO IS THE PARENT HERE, ME? But hey, they give me the bare minimum to live after many many opportunities they wasted to live slightly better, right? It's okay becuase they are my parents right? Its all good. Because they love me. They love me. Yeah they suuuurely do. Love so much. May their love be tossed into the fucking hell they see us worthy of. May their "touch" be spikes that pierce through their organs, leaving them breathless and pale like i am all the time. And yet, my stupid, idiotic, broken brain keeps wondering if there's any chance of forgiving them. Sincerely fuck this brain. Fuck it's mercy. Fuck it's emotions. I dont want to feel. I dont want to get better. When i do, i forget. I forget all the things they have done to me, i forget my hatred. I want to remember and hate. They dont deserve to be forgiven. I dont want to be reminded of this. Not again. I dont want to be hurt again. But i know they will, for i am still not able to be independent THANKS TO THEM, ONCE AGAIN. ROT IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND BE COVERED IN RED I CANT EVEN EXPRESS THIS MUCH HATRED AND I FEEL IT IN EVERY MOMENT. IM TIRED. I BARELY HAVE ANY PRIVACY TO BE MYSELF, LET ALONE CRY. I HATE THESE PEOPLE AND HAVING TO LISTEN TO THEIR STUPID YELLINGS. THEIR EVERY OUNCE OF NOISE KICKS MY WELLBEING TO UNDERGROUND AND IT ALREADY TAKES SO MUCH TO SURFACE IT. I DONT WNAT TO BE IN FIGHT-FLIGHT EVERY MINUTE. I WANT TO SLEEP AND I CANT. IM NOT ALONE AND HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME, BUT I WISH I WAS THE RANDOM TREE THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT IN A FOREST. I LONG TO BE LOST. I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT NOWADAYS I WISH I WAS DEAD OUTSIDE TOO.

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u/Nervous_3y3 — 14 days ago