u/New_Panda_6332

So right out of my (27 f) last relationship I started this friendship with this guy(27). Yeah yeah I know give yourself time, don’t cope with jumping to someone else, trust me I know. But we had a really good understanding of each other and he was the person I needed coming out of a really bad abusive situation. But, we were also attracted to each other. So it became more. We spent 9 months going back and forth about the dynamic. I caught feelings. From the beginning he would pull back and try to end it and say he didn’t want to end up hurting me. That if I wanted more from him and he couldn’t reciprocate he didn’t want that to happen. Foreshadowing. For a lot of it we were on the same page- though I wanted more hanging out and more sex than he did. Every time for 9 months when he’d pull back we would talk it out and get back on track. There were periods of hot and cold where it felt like there was more and felt like there was less. When it began for the first couple months he invited me over a lot, I spent the night (I never asked he always just kind of put me to bed, if that makes sense. I would have left had he wanted me to). We did a lot together. Went on road trips, phone calls, hung out for days at a time. We were getting close, I felt cared for and wanted. But then he went out of the country for 3 weeks. I hadn’t expected him to message me the whole time, he was with family and it wasn’t like he and I were dating so he had no obligation. But he texted me every single day. He missed me. We texted a lot, the way he spoke revealed to me he missed me. We had discussed the possibility of exclusivity and decided not to at this point. But he never slept with anyone else- never even went out on a date with anyone else- for all the time we were together. And I believe that, because he had no reason to lie, I HAD been doing that. Because I thought he was a lost cause. Anyway, the time where he was gone changed something, near the end he started to text me less, he became more distant. And when he got back after weeks of us planning and being excited to see each other as soon as he got back he pulled away and it was another 3 weeks before I finally saw him. When we were together, which after that point had been a lot less, it always felt the same. But he’d cancel and flake on me so much between December and march and it was killing me. He knew. I told him how I felt, he was constantly just disappearing and coming back. The last time I ever even went to his house was the day before he had left. I never went back. Never spent the night. No more days together. Just sex. And that hurt because I thought we were friends.

In April I finally agreed to just let him go. He told me he didn’t want to keep hurting me, and I said okay. But hours later he had changed his mind again. Told me he wanted to try, that he was sorry for the way he behaved and that he knew where he’d went wrong. I was elated. Finally, things were going to get better again. 3 weeks later, and I get ghosted. Those three weeks we were great and then he slowly again became more distant. At the start he was wanting to come over, planning to have me over, he was worried that I was going to start flaking on HIM now. He was there and present and I could feel it and see it. And the last time I saw him he looked at me and he said “I feel like you aren’t as into this as normal. Your eyes look different” and he just began analyzing my body language so deeply. From a look. It hurt and I tried to remind him I spent months trying to get him here because he was what I wanted. That I gave up even trying to date because I couldn’t be around anyone else without literally talking to them about him. Anyway. Days after that he texted me saying he might need a break. And I was so mad. The rug was pulled. I felt faked out and I got really angry. I finally set a boundary and told him, either be in my life or don’t. I told him I love him. Big mistake. We went back and forth for a bit and finally I told him he needs to stop texting me back, because I’ll keep texting. And he did. It’s been a month now. I’ve been pathetic. And I hate to admit that. I just never imagined he’d actually finally go away. Honestly, it’s the right thing. But part of me had hoped he’d just finally choose me. But I’m losing hope. It was just like whiplash, so I’m having a hard time letting it go. Because I know what I saw, I know what it was. And now he won’t even talk to me.

I think I’m going to start watching futurama again. I haven’t since the last time we watched together. I miss that. It’s my comfort show and I want to watch it, but I think anytime I do I’ll think about you and wish you were here.

Thank you for being there for me. I’m sorry if I ever demanded more of you than you were capable of. And thank you for not responding. I hate it, but it’s what I asked of you. I know you care and you’re trying to do what’s best and you probably feel a little bad about it, but it needed to happen. I’m sorry for making things complicated for you.

Like I was to you, you were the person I talked to most. And I miss it. You were the person I was most comfortable talking to. The way we communicate- calm, open, and non judgmental- has always been something I cherish. We care about each other I have no doubt about it even now and have always had the ability to talk about things. I accept that right now, we can’t and maybe never will again. I try not to be a bother, but you are like my imaginary friend now so I may drop a random thought on you sometimes.

I have issues with abandonment and I’m just trying to work through some of that. And I’m glad you and I met so I could have the opportunity to do so. And well, you know too where you need to work on things. And I hope I was able to help you as well. You are just a person trying to figure things out for yourself too. I know you never intended to hurt me.

I hope you know you deserve good things. And I will always wish you well. I hope you figure out and find what will make you happy. I just want you to be happy. I had a lot of fun with you and I’ll miss it.

Like I said, there is still a place for you in my life when you’re certain you want to be there. I’ve always told you this, I’m happy to be friends, but it has to be just that. And if that isn’t possible for you, it’s alright, I’ll survive. I’m here if you ever need me. Miss you, talk soon 🫶🏻

This is a long one. Listen, I love men. I could not be more heterosexual. I’ve tried women and it isn’t for me. But interacting with men on a personal level has become exhausting to the point that even casual encounters in public fill me with rage. I’ve been through a lot because of men,like most women, and it’s changed me. I used to be soft and gentle but years of bad and traumatic experiences have made me rigid and aggressive. And every day there’s something new that makes me resent men a little bit more. Nine months ago I left an abusive relationship of 2.5 years. After that I got involved with an avoidant who put me through emotional hell almost as badly as the narcissist before him (not in an internet buzzword way, but a genuine DSM-level narcissist). The new man wasn’t evil, but he was emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, and ultimately used me too. I felt less like a person and more like a prop with both- one to validate his heterosexuality and for the other someone to siphon emotional closeness from.

On top of that I feel constantly sexualized just for existing. I’m naturally curvy and I resent feeling like I should hide my body because I have big boobs and wide hips. I dress normally but men still treat me like a sexual object. I meet men who pretend to want relationships but immediately push for sex and I’m tired of the hypocrisy surrounding it. Men can sleep with endless women while entertaining me romantically but the second they find out I’ve had sex with someone else I’m “dirty” and questions about being “clean” come up. Meanwhile my abusive ex has spent the last 9 months posting my face, name, and personal details here and on TikTok, falsely accusing me of having STDs. I’ve tried relentlessly to remove him from my life and I’m literally still dealing with an open legal case. Yet strangers—mostly men—still blame me somehow. Lately I’ve been observing the way men interact with women online especially in rateme and NSFW spaces and honestly men’s opinions on women feels meaningless. Men will sexualize literally anything. Every possible trait a woman can have becomes a fetish: short, fat, skinny, Black, Asian, tattooed, disabled, mentally ill, small boobs, big boobs, everything. Women go online seeking validation from men without realizing there will always be men willing to sexualize us no matter what we look like. At the same time there are just as many men eager to tear women down. They compare women constantly based on their own preferences and disguise it as objectivity. I genuinely don’t understand the obsession some men have with blonde hair and blue eyes. I’ve watched average looking blonde women get worshipped while stunning women with less Eurocentric or less “youthful” features get criticized. I can’t even go out anymore without thinking about how men around me are perceiving me and other women (and girls) with their filthy minds. I was thrifting with my mom when a man old enough to be my father struck up what I thought was a harmless conversation only for me to catch him staring directly at my chest. Then men complain that women have “more options” in dating. But most of those “options” are just men trying to sleep with us. I once told a man that women rarely even make it to actual dates because everything becomes sexual immediately and his response was “well don’t have sex until you’re official.” Then in the same breath he admitted most men lose interest if sex is off the table. They answer their own questions and still insist they’re victims.

And so many people will say “choose better” but I have news for you- I have gone through soooo many who all are like this OR just go ghost for no reason. The pool is literally piss, so don’t blame me for smelling like pee when I jump in. However I am no longer going to. I don’t even want to SEE a man let alone involve myself with one romantically or sexually. And men wonder why women just give up and use men for money- because if I’m going to be a prop I’d like to at least be getting something out of it.

Remember when I told you about the novikov principle? That time is fixed, we can’t change the future no matter what we may do, what is supposed to happen will. And the same goes for you and me. So I’m relinquishing my need for control and letting it be. If you’re supposed to be mine, we’ll find a way. And if you’re not, this is just a part of the journey to my next destination. I won’t pretend not to feel, I don’t regret anything I’ve said or done. I’m unashamedly me in everything, even in this. But I’ve blocked you, because you weren’t responding anyway, as is your right, do what you gotta do. We have always had a strange alignment with one another with things falling into place- our minds inexplicably in sync and I trust it. Maybe one day things will align for us to be together again, and maybe they won’t. Either way, I can’t change it. And I’m not going to try to. Love you miss you. Talk soon 🫶🏻