u/NikolaisPinkTip

I got transferred back to a "regular" school in December, and the class i got put in is perfect for me since most of them don't interact with me but they aren't mean to me either, so i feel comfortable to just exist amongst them. But some of the girls talk to me sometimes and ask me to join them for stuff. The most common one is going to the bathroom together so they can redo their makeup or be on their phones, to which i always say no because i would rather stay in the classroom.

One of the girls used to spend their break time with me until they didn't anymore and got a bit avoidant, which confused me since i wasn't mean to her or anything. She doesn't really avoid me anymore now, but she keeps asking me questions like, "Are you going to go to the prom?" or "Will you do your presentation?" but she never really seems interested when i respond. But anyway, i used to sit next to one of the girls and we got along pretty nicely, she sometimes came over to my reading spot during break and talked to me, but after our seating arrangements changed, she stopped talking to me that much, I'm always nervous around her because i feel like i'm annoying her somehow, she just looks at me sometimes and says "Hello" with a smile but it confuses me because she smiles but then she looks at me weirdly again and doesn't talk to me.

One girl i've been most comfortable around just recently asked me if we could hangout outside of school sometimes, and I said yes. She asks me to join the group a lot when she and the other girls are working on something, but when i do i just stay quiet because i want to give them enough space to talk. We sit next to each other on the bus sometimes, which kind of annoys me since i use my bus time to listen to music, but when i try to start a conversation it just kind of falls flat and i end up just nodding and then being quiet.

I just kind of feel like i'm ruining potential friendships by not talking or wanting to go places with them. They just make me too nervous to talk since i look so different from them and they have been friends longer then i've been at the school. Whenever one of them joins me during break i just kind of sit there, slightly hoping they leave so i can keep reading, or when they ask me to work on a assignment with them i finish it on my own because i prefer to it that way, but a part of me hates it that i'm acting this way because i really want to have friends, but i just can't manage to show interest in them or do what they expect me to do.