u/No-Adhesiveness41

Monday, August 19th, 2024, I had my first psychiatry appointment at 12:30 pm. I wasn’t scared. I was already attending therapy when I asked to be referred to someone. I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety, so I knew those two would be a part of my diagnosis. I didn’t know I struggled with ADHD as well until looking back at my academics. That’s when I realized I could’ve been a great student had I tried harder and applied myself more, but no, I had a short attention span, which made focusing difficult for me. I believe I could’ve ranked higher in my graduating class. Why? I had a 3.9 GPA my sophomore year, but by May 2023, I finished with a 3.0 and ranked 207 out of 387 students. So, then I scheduled an appointment to get a proper diagnosis and the right medication so I could function better.

“What did you originally come here for?” he asked me.

“Well, I know I have ADHD, so I wanted to come and get diagnosed,” I replied.

“Well, yes, you do, but you also have bipolar disorder.”

My heart dropped to my stomach. I couldn’t be bipolar. I didn’t have mood swings; that’s all I thought it was at the time. He continued asking me questions from the questionnaire I filled out in the lobby.

“Has there ever been a period of time when you were not your usual self and you felt so good or so hyper that other people thought you were not your normal self, or you were so hyper that you got into trouble?”
Yes.

“You were so irritable that you shouted at people or started fights or arguments?”
Yes.

“You felt much more self-confident than usual?”
Yes.

“You got much less sleep than usual and found you didn’t really miss it?”
Yes.

“You were much more talkative or spoke faster than usual?”
Yes, yes, yes, YES.

I couldn’t believe it. I had bipolar disorder.

I was in denial the first year. I stopped taking my medication once I started to feel better. I stopped attending therapy and stopped going to the psychiatrist. By the time I realized I couldn’t continue being unmedicated, the damage was done. I had already put my girlfriend through so much pain due to my constant mood swings and irritability. I felt her slowly pulling away. I couldn’t be a person she could rely on anymore because I broke promises and flaked on plans just because I couldn’t dig myself out of the depression. It’s unfair for me to ask her to continue being patient with me when she’s already put so much love and effort into our four-year relationship, if I can even call it that anymore.

There’s still so much I don’t know or understand about bipolar disorder, but I want to learn so much more so I can overcome my hardships. I know this disease is incurable, and that I will have to be medicated for the rest of my life. That thought might’ve sent me into a spiral a year ago, but now I just want to be a better person and better partner with goals and ambitions.

We often hear the saying, “You can’t change a person who doesn’t want to be changed,” but I want to. So, so bad.

It may not seem that way when I stay in bed past noon, cancel plans when I don’t feel like socializing, or disrupt my routine and those around me, but I’m not myself in those moments. For a second, I feel like a ghost trapped inside my own body. I get so irritated and angry that I want to repeatedly punch the wall and knock down everything in sight, but I don’t. I don’t act on those emotions because I know I can lose everything in a small fit of rage. It’s not worth it. My mood swings can be so ugly and happen instantly, but I’m so rigid and prideful that I struggle to admit when I’m wrong because I constantly need to be right. I can be manipulative without meaning to. I can hold grudges for days, and the worst part is that I don’t realize my role in an argument until it’s too late.

I hate the negativity I bring to the person I love every day. I ruined her day yesterday, and I’m so angry at myself because I don’t think before I speak. I snapped and cursed and, in turn, gave her an anxiety attack at the gym. The worst part of this disorder is bringing your loved ones down with you simply because all they want is to love and support you, but what do you do in return? You stomp all over their heart and continue to push them away, isolating yourself.

I’m so tired of being disrespectful and treating my girlfriend this way, and because I’m so immature and prideful, I don’t take accountability when it’s needed. Then I wonder where everything went wrong. I don’t know how much longer she’s going to put up with me, and that thought terrifies me. I’m so tired of being me, but how can I be when I don’t even know if I’ve ever had a personality to begin with?

I’m trying so hard to hold on. To wake up every day. To put on a brave face and not cry every second, to be a better person. Sleep is my therapy, and most of the time, I wish I had never had to wake up. I know the version of me that was once so happy and full of life is slowly disappearing, for I felt the absence of warmth spread from her slipping through my fingers. But was that really me, or was it the mania? I wonder if my mask is tight enough to hide the emptiness behind my eyes, or if others can see me fighting for my life. I wonder if my loved ones pray for me to hold on a little longer, just as I do the same.

Despite the obstacles, I plan to see 21 this year and continue working toward a degree. I may have dropped out during my first year, but I still intend to be part of the 16% of people with bipolar disorder who earn a degree. I will be everything I want to be despite my diagnosis. This illness may have taken a lot from me, but it does not define me, and I will keep moving forward.

this is a little short story that i drafted up this morning and wanted to share in hopes that it resonates with you and know you're not alone. thank you to those who will take the time to read it through, and i wish you all the best. :)

monday, august 19th, 2024, i had my first psychiatry appointment at 12:30 pm. i wasn’t scared. i was already attending therapy when i asked to be referred to someone. i’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety, so i knew those two would be a part of my diagnosis. i didn’t know i struggled with adhd as well until looking back at my academics. that’s when i realized i could’ve been a great student had i tried harder and applied myself more, but no, i had a short attention span which made focusing difficult for me. i believe i could’ve ranked higher in my graduating class. why? because i had a 3.9 gpa my sophomore year, but by may 2023 i finished with a 3.0 and ranked 207 out of the 387 students. so then i scheduled an appointment to get a proper diagnosis and the right medication so i could function better.

“what did you originally come here for?” he asked me.

“well, i know i have adhd so i wanted to come and get diagnosed,” i replied.

“well yes, you do, but you also have bipolar disorder.”

my heart dropped to my stomach. i couldn’t be bipolar. i didn’t have mood swings, that’s all i thought it was at the time. he continued asking me questions from the questionnaire i filled out in the lobby.

“has there ever been a period of time when you were not your usual self and you felt so good or so hyper that other people thought you were not your normal self, or you were so hyper that you got into trouble?”

yes.

“you were so irritable that you shouted at people or started fights or arguments?”

yes.

“you felt much more self-confident than usual?”

yes.

“you got much less sleep than usual and found you didn’t really miss it?”

yes.

“you were much more talkative or spoke faster than usual?”

yes, yes, yes, YES.

i couldn’t believe it. i had bipolar disorder.

i was in denial the first year. i stopped taking my medication once i started to feel better. i stopped attending therapy and stopped going to the psychiatrist. by the time i realized i couldn’t continue being unmedicated, the damage was done. i had already put my girlfriend through so much pain due to my constant mood swings and irritability. i felt her slowly pulling away. i couldn’t be a person she could rely on anymore because i broke promises and flaked on plans just because i couldn’t dig myself out of the depression. it’s unfair for me to ask her to continue being patient with me when she’s already put so much love and effort into our four-year relationship, if i can even call it that anymore.

there’s still so much i don’t know or understand about bipolar disorder, but i want to learn so much more so i can overcome my hardships. i know this disease is incurable, and that i will have to be medicated for the rest of my life. that thought might’ve sent me into a spiral a year ago, but now i just want to be a better person and better partner with goals and ambitions.

we often hear the saying, “you can’t change a person who doesn’t want to be changed,” but i want to. so, so bad.

it may not seem that way when i stay in bed past noon, cancel plans when i don’t feel like socializing, or disrupt my routine and those around me, but i’m not myself in those moments. for a second, i feel like a ghost trapped inside my own body. i get so irritated and angry that i want to repeatedly punch the wall and knock down everything in sight, but i don’t. i don’t act on those emotions because i know i can lose everything in a small fit of rage. it's not worth it. my mood swings can be so ugly and happen instantly, but i’m so rigid and prideful that i struggle to admit when i’m wrong because i constantly need to be right. i can be manipulative without meaning to. i can hold grudges for days, and the worst part is that i don’t realize my role in an argument until it’s too late.

i hate the negativity i bring to the person i love every day. i ruined her day yesterday, and i’m so angry at myself because i don’t think before i speak. i snapped and cursed and, in turn, gave her an anxiety attack at the gym. the worst part of this disorder is bringing your loved ones down with you simply because all they want is to love and support you, but what do you do in return? you stomp all over their heart and continue to push them away, isolating yourself.

i’m so tired of being me, but how can i be when i don’t even know if i’ve ever had a personality to begin with? i’m so tired of being disrespectful and treating my girlfriend this way, and because i’m so immature and prideful, i don’t take accountability when it’s needed. then i wonder where everything went wrong. i don’t know how much longer she’s going to put up with me, and that thought terrifies me.

i’m trying so hard to hold on. to wake up every day. to put on a brave face and not cry every second, to be a better person. sleep is my therapy, and most of the time i wish i never had to wake up. i know the version of me that was once so happy and full of life is slowly disappearing, for i felt the absence of warmth spread from her slipping through my fingers. but was that really me, or was it the mania? i wonder if my mask is tight enough to hide the emptiness behind my eyes, or if others can see me fighting for my life. i wonder if my loved ones pray for me to hold on a little longer just as i do the same.

though no matter the obstacle, i will live to see 21 this year and 80 after living a fulfilling life, god willing. i may have dropped out in my first year of college, but i will be a part of the 16% of people with bipolar disorder to receive a college degree. even if it takes me years to complete, i will go at my own pace because i know the effects of pushing myself too hard. i will be everything and anything i want to be despite my diagnosis. this disease may have taken almost everything from me, but it does not define me, and i will live to see another day.

this is a little short story that i drafted up this morning and wanted to share in hopes that it resonates with you and know you're not alone. thank you to those who will take the time to read it through, and i wish you all the best. :)

monday, august 19th, 2024, i had my first psychiatry appointment at 12:30 pm. i wasn’t scared. i was already attending therapy when i asked to be referred to someone. i’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety, so i knew those two would be a part of my diagnosis. i didn’t know i struggled with adhd as well until looking back at my academics. that’s when i realized i could’ve been a great student had i tried harder and applied myself more, but no, i had a short attention span which made focusing difficult for me. i believe i could’ve ranked higher in my graduating class. why? because i had a 3.9 gpa my sophomore year, but by may 2023 i finished with a 3.0 and ranked 207 out of the 387 students. so then i scheduled an appointment to get a proper diagnosis and the right medication so i could function better.

“what did you originally come here for?” he asked me.

“well, i know i have adhd so i wanted to come and get diagnosed,” i replied.

“well yes, you do, but you also have bipolar disorder.”

my heart dropped to my stomach. i couldn’t be bipolar. i didn’t have mood swings, that’s all i thought it was at the time. he continued asking me questions from the questionnaire i filled out in the lobby.

“has there ever been a period of time when you were not your usual self and you felt so good or so hyper that other people thought you were not your normal self, or you were so hyper that you got into trouble?”

yes.

“you were so irritable that you shouted at people or started fights or arguments?”

yes.

“you felt much more self-confident than usual?”

yes.

“you got much less sleep than usual and found you didn’t really miss it?”

yes.

“you were much more talkative or spoke faster than usual?”

yes, yes, yes, YES.

i couldn’t believe it. i had bipolar disorder.

i was in denial the first year. i stopped taking my medication once i started to feel better. i stopped attending therapy and stopped going to the psychiatrist. by the time i realized i couldn’t continue being unmedicated, the damage was done. i had already put my girlfriend through so much pain due to my constant mood swings and irritability. i felt her slowly pulling away. i couldn’t be a person she could rely on anymore because i broke promises and flaked on plans just because i couldn’t dig myself out of the depression. it’s unfair for me to ask her to continue being patient with me when she’s already put so much love and effort into our four-year relationship, if i can even call it that anymore.

there’s still so much i don’t know or understand about bipolar disorder, but i want to learn so much more so i can overcome my hardships. i know this disease is incurable, and that i will have to be medicated for the rest of my life. that thought might’ve sent me into a spiral a year ago, but now i just want to be a better person and better partner with goals and ambitions.

we often hear the saying, “you can’t change a person who doesn’t want to be changed,” but i want to. so, so bad.

it may not seem that way when i stay in bed past noon, cancel plans when i don’t feel like socializing, or disrupt my routine and those around me, but i’m not myself in those moments. for a second, i feel like a ghost trapped inside my own body. i get so irritated and angry that i want to repeatedly punch the wall and knock down everything in sight, but i don’t. i don’t act on those emotions because i know i can lose everything in a small fit of rage. it's not worth it. my mood swings can be so ugly and happen instantly, but i’m so rigid and prideful that i struggle to admit when i’m wrong because i constantly need to be right. i can be manipulative without meaning to. i can hold grudges for days, and the worst part is that i don’t realize my role in an argument until it’s too late.

i hate the negativity i bring to the person i love every day. i ruined her day yesterday, and i’m so angry at myself because i don’t think before i speak. i snapped and cursed and, in turn, gave her an anxiety attack at the gym. the worst part of this disorder is bringing your loved ones down with you simply because all they want is to love and support you, but what do you do in return? you stomp all over their heart and continue to push them away, isolating yourself.

i’m so tired of being me, but how can i be when i don’t even know if i’ve ever had a personality to begin with? i’m so tired of being disrespectful and treating my girlfriend this way, and because i’m so immature and prideful, i don’t take accountability when it’s needed. then i wonder where everything went wrong. i don’t know how much longer she’s going to put up with me, and that thought terrifies me.

i’m trying so hard to hold on. to wake up every day. to put on a brave face and not cry every second, to be a better person. sleep is my therapy, and most of the time i wish i never had to wake up. i know the version of me that was once so happy and full of life is slowly disappearing, for i felt the absence of warmth spread from her slipping through my fingers. but was that really me, or was it the mania? i wonder if my mask is tight enough to hide the emptiness behind my eyes, or if others can see me fighting for my life. i wonder if my loved ones pray for me to hold on a little longer just as i do the same.

though no matter the obstacle, i will live to see 21 this year and 80 after living a fulfilling life, god willing. i may have dropped out in my first year of college, but i will be a part of the 16% of people with bipolar disorder to receive a college degree. even if it takes me years to complete, i will go at my own pace because i know the effects of pushing myself too hard. i will be everything and anything i want to be despite my diagnosis. this disease may have taken almost everything from me, but it does not define me, and i will live to see another day.

hi! person with bipolar 2 here. my girlfriend (21f) and i (20f) have been going through a really difficult time lately, and i’m struggling with how to navigate everything.

we’ve been together for 4 and a half years (half anniversary today lol). for the first two years of our relationship i was undiagnosed and unmedicated, and it was really hard on both of us. today we had a really bad argument that ended with her saying she doesn’t think she can take this anymore and wanting to break up.

i understand that being with someone who has bipolar disorder (along with other mental health issues) can be exhausting and emotionally draining. she’s neurodivergent herself and struggles mentally too, so i understand why she checks out or feels overwhelmed.

the thing is, i know i’m not the same person i was a year ago. even if the progress feels slower than i want, i can feel myself changing. this time last year i was deeply depressed, isolating myself from everyone, barely functioning, gaining weight, practically like a ghost in my own body. i shut everyone out, including my girlfriend.

since september i’ve been taking my medication, and i recently started therapy again every other week. i’m finally on medication that seems to actually help. i’m able to get up and do things around the house now, go places with my girlfriend, work out, and take better care of myself. i’ve lost around 20 pounds so far, and i’m trying really hard to build healthier habits.

but progress isn’t overnight. i still struggle with mood swings and depressive episodes (currently in one now), and i can be really rigid without realizing it until after the fact. i’m trying to work through these things in therapy, but i know healing takes time.

i try not to beat myself up over it, but i can feel her slowly pulling away especially earlier today. i feel guilty asking her to have more patience when she’s already put so much time, effort, and love into this relationship while things are only now starting to improve.

we’ve tried taking breaks before, but we always end up talking again a few days later and slipping back into normal because neither of us really wants to let go.

right now i feel terrified that our relationship is actually ending. i’m actively trying to become healthier and more stable, building a routine amongst other things and i want us to try couples counseling too so we can learn how to understand each other better.

if you’ve been in my girlfriend’s position, or even mine, how did you navigate it? what should i be doing differently as a partner while working through bipolar disorder and recovery?

hi! i posted recently about getting approved for an apartment with a relatively low credit score, and i had another question regarding being added as an authorized user on my dad’s american express card.

he’s had the account for a few years, makes frequent payments, and i believe the credit limit is around $10k. would being added as an authorized user be worth it in my situation?

the main reason i’m considering it is because my girlfriend and i will be applying for an apartment soon, and i thought it could possibly improve my chances of approval or help us avoid paying a higher deposit.

for context, i have about 2.5 years of credit history, 3 revolving accounts, and a total credit limit of around $5,300. i did go through some financial hardships about a year ago and had to rely heavily on my credit cards, so most of them are currently close to maxed out. however, i’ve been consistently paying them down with each paycheck.

i’m mainly wondering whether becoming an authorized user would actually help in the short term for apartment rental applications.

i feel like i completely lost sight of my dreams, and aspirations after high school. for the longest time i knew i wanted to be an artist in some way, but after getting diagnosed and falling into a deep depression i lost all motivation and direction. i tried community college last year, and failed everything because i got bored of the major and completely stopped doing assignments, so now i’m on academic probation. i finally figured out i want to pursue graphic design, but i still feel so behind compared to everyone else. nobody understands why it took me years to even think about going back to school, and proceed to make me feel horrible for trying to put myself first because i knew i couldn’t handle it mentally.

lately my depression has been getting really bad again. i genuinely don’t want to be here anymore sometimes, and the only thing stopping me is not wanting to hurt my family and my girlfriend. i’ve been clean from self harm for years, but i can feel the urge coming back because i just want to feel something.

my relationship is also struggling because of my mental health, and i feel horrible about it. my girlfriend graduated college this weekend and i wasn’t emotionally present for her. i was exhausted, distant, and i isolated myself during a small grad party we had, and she told me i came off rude and standoffish. she says she feels like she has to take care of me all the time and that she’s mentally checked out of the relationship. we’ve talked about breaking up multiple times, but always end up staying together because neither of us can fully let go.

i know i play a huge role in our problems. i know i can get too emotional, dependent and manipulative without meaning to, and i hate that about myself. i’m in therapy and taking medication but i still feel so lost. i want to be better so badly, for myself, for my future, and for her, but i feel stuck in this cycle of depression and guilt, and i so badly fear of losing the person i love most.

does anyone else with bipolar disorder feel like they completely lost themselves and their ambitions for years? how did you pull yourself out of it?

basically what the title says. i’m diagnosed with bipolar ll, adhd, and anxiety, and the past couple weeks have been really hard. i feel like i don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.

my girlfriend (f21) and i (f20) have been together for 4.5 years and live together. right now she’s at the end of her last college semester, graduating in less than three weeks, so this week and next are packed with finals. i’m not in school yet, and i work with my dad but only when he needs help. so when things are slow, i’m just home most of the time.

i’ve been trying to stay productive by going to the gym, developing a routine and trying to keeping things together so she doesn’t have to worry about anything at home. i want her to be able to come home, rest, and focus on school. but ive been feeling really lonely and depressed.

i feel really guilty for feeling that way. i have so much free time compared to her, and she’s under so much pressure. she’s also struggling with depression and can’t afford help right now, which makes me feel even worse for being this sad when i technically have it “easier.” so i can’t really talk to her about it either without kinda pulling the victim card? idk

i don’t really have anyone else to hang out with, and i don’t have much energy to leave the house besides going to my apartment gym. i miss her a lot, we barely get time together lately, and even when we do, it’s short because she goes to the gym late to decompress.

i don’t really know what to do. i feel like i shouldn’t even feel this way because my girlfriend is doing so much while i’m at home doing basically nothing, so it feels like there’s no real reason for me to be this upset. i’ve also been really irritated too, but that’s a whole other can of worms lol.

basically what the title says. i’m diagnosed with bipolar ll, adhd, and anxiety, and the past couple weeks have been really hard. i feel like i don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.

my girlfriend (f21) and i (f20) have been together for 4.5 years and live together. right now she’s at the end of her last college semester, graduating in less than three weeks, so this week and next are packed with finals. i’m not in school yet, and i work with my dad but only when he needs help. so when things are slow, i’m just home most of the time.

i’ve been trying to stay productive by going to the gym, developing a routine and trying to keeping things together so she doesn’t have to worry about anything at home. i want her to be able to come home, rest, and focus on school. but ive been feeling really lonely and depressed.

i feel really guilty for feeling that way. i have so much free time compared to her, and she’s under so much pressure. she’s also struggling with depression and can’t afford help right now, which makes me feel even worse for being this sad when i technically have it “easier.” so i can’t really talk to her about it either without kinda pulling the victim card? idk

i don’t really have anyone else to hang out with, and i don’t have much energy to leave the house besides going to my apartment gym. i miss her a lot, we barely get time together lately, and even when we do, it’s short because she goes to the gym late to decompress.

i don’t really know what to do. i feel like i shouldn’t even feel this way because my girlfriend is doing so much while i’m at home doing basically nothing, so it feels like there’s no real reason for me to be this upset. i’ve also been really irritated too, but that’s a whole other can of worms lol.

hi! my girlfriend and i are looking into moving to a new place this august, and really like the palazzo apartments. we wanted to see if anyone here has lived there or knows anything about it.

i’m mainly curious about things like how management is, maintenance response time, noise levels, and overall safety. also wondering if the units are actually as nice as they look in photos and if there are any hidden issues (bugs, parking problems, thin walls, etc.).

if you’ve lived there recently or are currently there, we’d really appreciate your honest experience, pros and cons both help a lot. trying to make a solid decision before signing anything.

thanks in advance!