u/No-Cardiologist-1309

I’ve been married for more than 25 years, and I’m reaching a point where I can’t keep pretending everything is normal.

The hardest part for me is that there have also been good times. I love my wife. We have a long history together. That makes it incredibly difficult to reconcile the person I care about with some of the things that have happened in our marriage.

Lately I’ve been looking back at incidents individually instead of treating the last 25+ years as one big blur. When I do that, patterns are becoming harder to ignore: hurtful comments, dismissing my feelings, anger when things don’t go the way she wants, threats about what will happen if I leave, and situations where I feel like my needs simply don’t matter.

I’ve spent years trying to understand her, help her, forgive things, and convince myself that the next conversation might finally make things better.

What has staying in this relationship been doing to me?

I’m not posting because I expect strangers on Reddit to decide whether I should divorce my wife. I know that decision is mine. I’m posting because after more than 25 years, it is incredibly difficult to trust your own perception of what is normal anymore.

For anyone who left a long-term emotionally abusive marriage—especially after decades together—when did you finally accept that it wasn’t going to change?

And how did you get past the guilt, fear, and feeling that walking away meant throwing away your entire adult life?

Getting clean has forced me to see parts of my life that I spent a long time trying not to feel. Without alcohol or weed to numb everything, I’m realizing just how unhappy I’ve been and how much I’ve been carrying.

The hardest realization is that I think I know what I want now: I want a divorce.

I’m not saying that out of anger, and I’m not looking for anyone to take sides. I’m just sad, overwhelmed, and trying to accept that sometimes getting healthier also means facing painful truths you were able to avoid before.

Right now, I don’t need advice or judgment. I just need someone to tell me I’m going to be okay.

Edit: I just started listening to Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum.

Hope it helps me.

Getting clean has forced me to see parts of my life that I spent a long time trying not to feel. Without alcohol or weed to numb everything, I’m realizing just how unhappy I’ve been and how much I’ve been carrying.

The hardest realization is that I think I know what I want now: I want a divorce.

I’m not saying that out of anger, and I’m not looking for anyone to take sides. I’m just sad, overwhelmed, and trying to accept that sometimes getting healthier also means facing painful truths you were able to avoid before.

Right now, I don’t need advice or judgment. I just need someone to tell me I’m going to be okay—and maybe give me a hug.

I am glad I stumbled on this part of Reddit. It must have been fate.

I could really use a hug right now.

Getting clean has forced me to see parts of my life that I spent a long time trying not to feel. Without alcohol or weed to numb everything, I’m realizing just how unhappy I’ve been and how much I’ve been carrying.

The hardest realization is that I think I know what I want now: I want a divorce.

I’m not saying that out of anger, and I’m not looking for anyone to take sides. I’m just sad, overwhelmed, and trying to accept that sometimes getting healthier also means facing painful truths you were able to avoid before.

Right now, I don’t need advice or judgment. I just need someone to tell me I’m going to be okay—and maybe give me a hug.

Edit: I just started listening to Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum.

Hope it helps me.