u/No-Credit-3119

Quick update from my last post.

I’m 24, he’s 42, and we work together.

Over the past 6 months we got really close. We texted constantly, met up outside of work, held hands, hugged, kissed, made out, and spent hours together. Last week I finally asked where he saw this going and he told me he isn’t ready for a relationship. I’ve been heartbroken ever since, this literally felt like a breakup to me.

The thing I can’t stop thinking about is… if he already knew he wasn’t ready then why let us get so close in the first place? I’m thinking about asking him after work today if we can talk for a few minutes. I don’t want to argue or change his mind. I just want honest answers so I can finally get some closure instead of making up scenarios in my head.

I mainly want to ask why he continued getting closer to me if he didn’t see a relationship happening and whether me not wanting to do anything sexual played any part in his decision.

From a man’s perspective, would I be wrong for asking those questions? Or should I leave it alone and move on?

Hi everyone, I (23F) am trying to understand a confusing situation and would really appreciate a male perspective on it.

I got involved with a coworker (42M). We started off just talking at work then texting outside of work, sending reels, joking around and eventually it became more emotionally and physically involved over time. We were never officially together but the connection felt real to me. We spent time together outside of work in secret, hugged, held hands, kissed and even heavily made out. There was a lot of emotional closeness too.

Last week he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and had his own issues he needed to deal with. I respect that but I’m struggling because before and even during that conversation, things were still progressing physically and emotionally and not slowing down.

Now we’ve pulled back at work. We’re polite but distant. It’s awkward and I’m honestly so heartbroken over it. Even though it wasn’t an official relationship, it feels like a breakup to me. What I’m trying to understand is from a man’s perspective, why would someone continue to engage in kissing, holding hands, texting and emotional closeness if they knew they didn’t want a relationship?

Was it just enjoying the moment without thinking ahead? Was there emotional confusion on his side? Or is it more common than I think for people to disconnect physical/emotional involvement from relationship intent? I wish I could ask him what all of this meant to him. I’ve debated on texting him or even asking him in person about why he let all of this continue if he knew deep down he didn’t want to be in a relationship.

I’m not trying to attack him… I just genuinely want clarity so I can understand what happened and process it better. Any honest insight would really help. Thank you.

I (23F) met a coworker (42M) at work months ago. At first it was just normal coworker talk… then it turned into texting, sending reels, joking at work, waiting after shifts to talk, inside jokes, little moments throughout the day. It slowly became something that felt like more than friendship. We were never “official.” Never labeled but it didn’t feel casual either. We ended up hanging out outside of work, going to parks, talking for hours. We hugged, held hands, kissed, heavily made out and somewhere along the way I started emotionally attaching without even realizing how deep I was in it. And then everything stopped.

He told me he didn’t see things going toward a relationship. That he had his own issues, that he didn’t trust himself and that he wasn’t ready for something serious. And I respect the honesty… but it still hurt so badly. Now at work everything is different. It’s not hateful or dramatic or anything like that, it’s just… quiet. Awkward. Short “good mornings” and “bye.” No more conversations after work or parking lot talks. No more texting just distance and it hurts more than I expected it to. I’ve been crying a lot, like actually sobbing. I told my mom today in tears “why did this have to happen?” because I GENUINELY feel heartbroken over someone I was never even officially with.

What makes it harder is the age gap. I’m 23 and he’s 42. That difference didn’t feel real in the moment because emotionally we connected so easily at first, but now it feels like it matters more than I wanted to admit. I keep going back and forth between missing him, feeling embarrassed, feeling confused, feeling like I shouldn’t even be this hurt because it wasn’t official and also feeling like it WAS something real to me, even if it didn’t become what I thought it was

I don’t hate him and I don’t think he’s a bad person but I just… hurt. And I guess I’m posting because I don’t really know what this even was or how to process it or how to see him at work every day and act normal when I feel like I’m still trying to catch my breath emotionally.

If anyone has been through something similar, I’d REALLY appreciate hearing how you got through it. Everything hurts.

I’m 24(F), and the guy is 42(M). We work together. Before anyone says it… yes, I know the age gap is huge. But I’m not here to argue about the age gap. I’m just trying to process what I’m feeling.

For about nine months, we slowly got to know each other. It started as coworkers talking, then texting every day, sending each other funny reels, waiting for each other after work to talk in the parking lot, inside jokes, opening doors for each other, talking about life, sharing things we’d never really told other people. Somewhere along the way it became something.

We eventually started hanging out outside of work. We went to parks together, laid out a blanket under the Spanish moss trees, shared cookies and snacks and drinks, watched Netflix in his truck, held hands, hugged, kissed, and eventually made out. He was my first kiss. My first real romantic experience with anyone, so everything felt incredibly real to me.

The thing is… I’m a Christian, and my faith is extremely important to me. I’ve made the decision to save sex for marriage. After the last time we were together, I realized how physically attracted I had become to him. I also realized that if things kept escalating physically, I was eventually going to be tempted to cross boundaries I didn’t want to cross so I decided to have an honest conversation with him.

I basically told him everything, that I really liked him but I didn’t know what we were anymore. I wasn’t asking him to commit immediately, but I wanted clarity because my feelings were getting stronger. I also told him about my faith, waiting until marriage, and that I needed to slow things down physically if we were going to continue seeing each other. His response absolutely crushed me.

He thanked me for being honest and said he’d rather stop because he isn’t ready for a relationship. He said he can’t have feelings for someone right now. He told me he’d “corrupted” himself too much and that I deserved better than him. He said he respected my beliefs and would rather we just remain friends before either of us got hurt more. Reading that felt like someone reached into my chest and pulled my heart out.

What’s making this so difficult is that if he knew he didn’t want a relationship, why did everything we were doing feel so much like one? Holding my hand. Kissing me. Planning time together. Opening up emotionally. Talking every day. Waiting after work just to spend a few extra minutes together. Making memories.

I know people will probably say he was just looking for something physical. Maybe that’s true. I honestly don’t know anymore. He did make a few comments that suggested he wanted things to become more physical, but he NEVER pressured me or forced me into anything. He respected my boundaries when I told him them. That’s part of what makes this so confusing. He wasn’t cruel or manipulative, he was honest when I finally asked him where he stood.
And tbh… I respect him for telling me the truth instead of leading me on for another six or however many months, but that doesn’t make this hurt any less.

The hardest part is that we still work together. Yesterday was my birthday. We still said good morning and he remembered it was my birthday. He held the door open for me like he always used to. We smiled and gave small waves. When we got off work he simply walked past my car and said, “Alright [my name], you take care.” I just smiled and said, “Bye.” That was it. No parking lot conversation or lingering or texting afterward… Nothing. Everything is different now.

I know some people might say, “You weren’t even dating.” But in my heart, this feels like a breakup. My first heartbreak. I don’t hate him and I’m not angry at him. I don’t think he’s a bad person, I genuinely believe we just wanted different things. He wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was. He wanted to walk his path alone, I wanted to see where ours could go together but I just never expected this to hurt so much.

Everywhere I look reminds me of him. Music, certain drinks, parks, driving past his second job, even seeing his truck in the parking lot. I’m trying really hard to be respectful and mature about all of this. I’m not blowing up his phone or trying to convince him to change his mind. I’m keeping things friendly at work because we still have to see each other every day, but my heart is absolutely broken.

So my question is has anyone else gone through something like this? How do you move on from someone you still have to see every day and how do you grieve something that technically “wasn’t official,” but felt insanely real anyway?

I’m 24(F), and the guy is 42(M). We work together. Before anyone says it… yes, I know the age gap is huge. But I’m not here to argue about the age gap. I’m just trying to process what I’m feeling.

For about nine months, we slowly got to know each other. It started as coworkers talking, then texting every day, sending each other funny reels, waiting for each other after work to talk in the parking lot, inside jokes, opening doors for each other, talking about life, sharing things we’d never really told other people. Somewhere along the way it became something.

We eventually started hanging out outside of work. We went to parks together, laid out a blanket under the Spanish moss trees, shared cookies and snacks and drinks, watched Netflix in his truck, held hands, hugged, kissed, and eventually made out. He was my first kiss. My first real romantic experience with anyone, so everything felt incredibly real to me.

The thing is… I’m a Christian, and my faith is extremely important to me. I’ve made the decision to save sex for marriage. After the last time we were together, I realized how physically attracted I had become to him. I also realized that if things kept escalating physically, I was eventually going to be tempted to cross boundaries I didn’t want to cross so I decided to have an honest conversation with him.

I basically told him everything, that I really liked him but I didn’t know what we were anymore. I wasn’t asking him to commit immediately, but I wanted clarity because my feelings were getting stronger. I also told him about my faith, waiting until marriage, and that I needed to slow things down physically if we were going to continue seeing each other. His response absolutely crushed me.

He thanked me for being honest and said he’d rather stop because he isn’t ready for a relationship. He said he can’t have feelings for someone right now. He told me he’d “corrupted” himself too much and that I deserved better than him. He said he respected my beliefs and would rather we just remain friends before either of us got hurt more. Reading that felt like someone reached into my chest and pulled my heart out.

What’s making this so difficult is that if he knew he didn’t want a relationship, why did everything we were doing feel so much like one? Holding my hand. Kissing me. Planning time together. Opening up emotionally. Talking every day. Waiting after work just to spend a few extra minutes together. Making memories.

I know people will probably say he was just looking for something physical. Maybe that’s true. I honestly don’t know anymore. He did make a few comments that suggested he wanted things to become more physical, but he NEVER pressured me or forced me into anything. He respected my boundaries when I told him them. That’s part of what makes this so confusing. He wasn’t cruel or manipulative, he was honest when I finally asked him where he stood.
And tbh… I respect him for telling me the truth instead of leading me on for another six or however many months, but that doesn’t make this hurt any less.

The hardest part is that we still work together. Yesterday was my birthday. We still said good morning and he remembered it was my birthday. He held the door open for me like he always used to. We smiled and gave small waves. When we got off work he simply walked past my car and said, “Alright [my name], you take care.” I just smiled and said, “Bye.” That was it. No parking lot conversation or lingering or texting afterward… Nothing. Everything is different now.

I know some people might say, “You weren’t even dating.” But in my heart, this feels like a breakup. My first heartbreak. I don’t hate him and I’m not angry at him. I don’t think he’s a bad person, I genuinely believe we just wanted different things. He wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was. He wanted to walk his path alone, I wanted to see where ours could go together but I just never expected this to hurt so much.

Everywhere I look reminds me of him. Music, certain drinks, parks, driving past his second job, even seeing his truck in the parking lot. I’m trying really hard to be respectful and mature about all of this. I’m not blowing up his phone or trying to convince him to change his mind. I’m keeping things friendly at work because we still have to see each other every day, but my heart is absolutely broken.

So my question is has anyone else gone through something like this? How do you move on from someone you still have to see every day and how do you grieve something that technically “wasn’t official,” but felt insanely real anyway?