I see that most of the topics and discussions are about healthy habits and choices. How to live longer and better. But are there any folks in here who don't exercise, don't stress about healthy diet. Smokers? Drinkers?
Or maybe you know someone who actually lived long and seemingly in good health despite all bad habits?
What life event or experience aged you?
Is it ok to have a drink on weekends while having high LDL?
It's heavy. It's unfair. Not to me, but to him. He was just a boy. He should have experienced life with it's ups and downs. He should have experienced first kiss, first love, first paycheck, so many firsts. But he never will. And this is unfair. He was kindest, considerate, the most nonjudgmental person I have ever known. Life never was fair and kind to him. But this is too unfair.
And here I left with the firsts. First Christmas, first Mother's Day, First Halloween, First Birthday, First Anniversary and so many more other firsts, without him
I can't get used to that. I am surviving in between the dates. I don't care about anything and anyone anymore. Simply existing.
I don't know where to look for him. Where is he? Why he is not in his room? Why his clothes are not in the laundry basket? Why he is not coming back from the library?
I saved his first book, first drawing, first baby clothes. How it is possible that now I left with his lasts?
This post is going to be long.
I have been married for 19 years. I met my husband when I was 30. I had a 7-year-old son from a previous relationship.
He was everything I could have wished for—charming, charismatic, kind, smart, and funny. He made me feel cared for and safe. I moved in with him, and eventually we got married. He was from another country, and all of his family lived there. I didn't meet them until I moved to his country to start a family with him.
We had two children together. Everything seemed too good to be true. Shortly after I moved, I was introduced to his family and friends. Many of his friends would jokingly tell me how awful my husband used to be. My sister-in-law often talked about his ex-girlfriends. I brushed it all off. I thought they didn't know him the way I did.
Things started to change around the time our kids were finishing elementary school. The changes happened so gradually that I barely noticed them. Looking back now, I can see that he became judgmental, controlling, easily angered, and dismissive.
I continued doing everything I believed in and enjoyed. I took care of the house and the kids. I invited his family and friends over. I wasn't officially employed, but I had my own small business, and I was happy with it. It took time to learn the language, have my credentials evaluated, and complete some college courses while raising two young children.
By then, my husband had become disrespectful and no longer showed me love or support. He constantly criticized me. He forgot anniversaries and birthdays. He even took off his wedding ring, and that hurt more than I can describe.
Eventually, he moved into the basement, saying he stayed up late and didn't want to wake me when he came to bed. He also stopped spending time with us as a family. I took the kids to parks and playgrounds by myself.
I knew something was wrong. I think I was just too afraid to admit it.
A couple of months later, while he was in the backyard, I looked through his phone. My heart stopped. There was a conversation with another woman. He was trying to pursue her. He told her he didn't want to be married anymore, that children were a burden to marriage, and that women only wanted security and financial stability. He complained about marriage, politics, and financial pressure.
When I confronted him, he exploded. He yelled that I had no right to check his phone. He called me insecure and jealous. He said she was just a friend from NA (he attends Narcotics Anonymous), and that I was only jealous because she was younger—which I hadn't even known. He insisted he was only speaking in general terms, not about our marriage.
I wanted to believe him. I know it sounds crazy, but I loved this man. Until that moment, I had never doubted him or suspected he was capable of cheating, even though he traveled for business almost every other month.
So I stayed. Things never got better. I asked him to go to therapy, but he refused. At my request, he removed her from Instagram, only to add her back a few days later. He even invited her to a virtual mindfulness webinar that we were attending together. That was when I completely broke down. I could barely get out of bed for days.
After that, he finally admitted the truth. He had been trying to sleep with her. He said it was only about sex and nothing more. He claimed he was depressed because he had just lost his business and was in debt. He also admitted that he was a sex addict and had done many reckless things before meeting me. He started attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. We sold our house and moved into a rental apartment. By then, I was working full-time.
Things never returned to the way they had been. I tried to be understanding. I told him it triggered me when he spent all day on his phone. He accused me of being controlling and said I was the one with issues. Then, four years later, he admitted something even worse.
He confessed that he had been cheating on me throughout our entire marriage. Whenever he traveled, he used escorts. He had an affair with one of his friend's girlfriends in NA.
I am completely broken. My whole world has collapsed. I feel like I lived a lie. I feel as though I don't even have a past anymore because everything I believed was built on deception. I keep thinking about how he would come home after sleeping with someone else and then hug me and our children. That thought makes me physically sick.
What makes it even harder is that he still justifies his behavior. He blames his childhood trauma. He was molested as a child and grew up in a deeply dysfunctional family. I understand those experiences caused real pain, but he uses them to excuse everything he has done. I don't want to stay in this marriage.
The only thing stopping me is our 16-year-old daughter. She says that if we separate, she wants to stay with him. The truth is, he wasn't a great father. When the kids were young, he was rarely present. He traveled constantly, both for work and for fun. When he was home, he spent most evenings at his NA meetings.
But she doesn't know what our marriage was really like, and she doesn't know what he has done. I don't feel it's right to tell her all the details.
At this point, I don't know what to do. Do I leave and risk losing my daughter for now, or do I continue suffering every day until she turns 18?
Hi
I need your opinion. I'm 50 years old female. Premenopausal. First time I checked my cholesterol was 4 years ago. LDL was 174. My doctor suggested statins, but I didn't think of it as something serious and just tried to eat healthier. Oh, have to mention that I am in great shape and I have never had extra weight. This year, I checked my cholesterol again and LDL was 290. Doctor suggested genetic component. My 25 years old son went to check his and it was 189. He started statins and within three months it went down to normal.
My question is- Is it genetic? I am asking that because my parents lived long. Noone had heart issues.
What age did you figure out that you have to "mask"?