u/NoMud_NoLotus25

We are a couple in our mid 30s looking for a threesome with either a male or a female, or another couple. He is experienced and this will be my first 3some. He is slim with a 7” cut cock, I’m a bigger girl, which I realize is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I have a tight wet pussy an ass ever tighter and am great with my mouth. If anyone reading might be interested, feel free to shoot me a DM and I can send pictures as well.

I’m in a really painful relationship situation and I don’t really have people in my life I can talk to about it, so I’m looking for outside support or perspective.

I’m not sure how to condense this so it’s not terribly long, but I’ll do my best. My boyfriend (36) and I (37) have been together almost 4 years. My boyfriend has repeatedly cheated on me over a long period of time (different apps/sites, multiple discoveries). On top of that, there has been a pattern of emotional and psychological harm in the relationship…including gaslighting, manipulation, emotional distance, and anger issues that make it hard to feel emotionally safe.

There is also a deep lack of emotional connection and care…very little affection, reassurance, communication, or emotional warmth. I feel emotionally starved in the relationship and like I’ve been slowly worn down over time.

I want to be clear that I understand this is harming me. I am not confused by that. The issue is that I feel trapped in it emotionally and practically. Financially limited (as I can’t really work because my mental health has deteriorated so much), mentally exhausted, and struggling significantly with my mental health (including Borderline Personality which he knows I have and have even explained the damage of him lying and cheating creates), which makes the emotional swings between anger, grief, attachment, and numbness very intense and hard to regulate.

I feel like I’ve been living in survival mode for a long time. I dissociate at times, and I notice I “normalize” things temporarily just to get through the day, even though nothing has actually changed.

I feel like I’ve lost a lot of myself, my stability, and my progress over time in this relationship. I feel like I’ve lost myself. I feel broken. And I’m angry at myself for allowing myself to stay in this…and weak for not feeling able to leave. I’m struggling even with basic day to day functioning.

I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me what to do, I already understand this isn’t healthy. I guess I’m looking for…

- support from people who’ve been through something similar
- perspective on how people managed leaving when they felt stuck
- reassurance that I’m not overreacting for being this emotionally affected
- and grounding advice for surviving while still in it

Please be kind, I’m in a really fragile place emotionally. And just to put this out there, yes, I am in weekly therapy and see a psychiatrist for medication.