u/NoSympathy3915

Hi everyone,

My wife is currently 16 weeks pregnant with our first baby, and we are considering changing her gynecologist (Frauenarzt) for the remainder of the pregnancy.

For those familiar with the German healthcare system, I’d really appreciate some practical advice:

How simple is it to change gynecologists during pregnancy? Can we simply find another Praxis and make an appointment, or are there any special procedures because she is already 16 weeks pregnant?

Also, what should we do regarding her Mutterpass and existing medical records? Should we arrange anything with the previous Praxis, or can the new doctor take over directly?

We have statutory health insurance.
I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has actually changed gynecologists during pregnancy in Germany. Was the process straightforward?

Thank you!

My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with our first child, and we had a really upsetting experience at her regular gynecology practice today. I’d appreciate advice from other people who have experienced the German healthcare system, especially expats or people who struggled with confrontation or the language barrier.

My wife had some pain around her lower abdomen/groin area, so I took her to her regular Praxis just to make sure everything was okay. Since this is our first pregnancy, we honestly don’t always know which symptoms are normal and which could indicate something serious. I used the word “Notfall” when we arrived because I was worried, although I wasn’t trying to demand emergency treatment.

The medical assistant who initially examined her was actually very kind and professional. The problem started when we saw the doctor.

The doctor immediately became irritated and said, “Das war kein Notfall,” because I had described it as an emergency. I understand that it wasn’t medically an emergency, and I’m completely fine with being corrected. But the way it was communicated felt unnecessarily harsh, especially toward a pregnant woman who was already worried and in pain.

The doctor is also listed as speaking English on Arzt-Auskunft, but she refused to speak English with us. My German isn’t good enough to confidently discuss medical issues, so I had to translate everything for my wife (her German is not the strongest either). She mostly ignored my wife while speaking to me instead. We managed to understand what she was saying, but the whole interaction was extremely uncomfortable.

She eventually told my wife that she needs to do more physical/muscle movement and that there was no reason to panic. Again, I understand the medical advice may be completely reasonable. What upset us was the lack of empathy and the way it was delivered.
My wife came out of the room and cried. She later told me that she felt pathetic and humiliated, even though all she had done was seek reassurance during her first pregnancy.

Now we’re wondering whether we should continue going to this Praxis or look for another gynecologist.
For those of you who have lived in Germany for a while:

Is this kind of communication from doctors/reception staff common, or did we simply have a particularly bad experience?

How do you handle situations where a doctor or receptionist is rude or dismissive?

What do you do when your German isn’t strong enough to confidently argue or explain a medical situation?

Is it reasonable to change gynecologists because of this kind of experience?

And for people who also tend to freeze during confrontational situations: how do you learn to stand up for yourself without making the situation worse?

I’m not looking to attack German people or the German healthcare system as a whole. I’m genuinely trying to understand the culture and learn how to protect my wife and family while navigating situations like this.

I’d especially appreciate practical advice about what to say in the moment when something like this happens.

Living in Germany has changed the way I behave in public. I’ve noticed that I now walk around with what probably looks like an arrogant or unapproachable face—not because that’s who I am, but because it feels like a survival mechanism. It’s almost like I’ve learned to blend in.

I used to smile more at strangers or be more open, but after so many interactions that felt cold or distant, I gradually stopped. Now I catch myself putting on the same serious expression whenever I’m outside. It’s basically “fake it until you make it.” I’m acting tougher and more reserved than I actually feel inside.

I’m not saying all Germans are like this, and I know every culture has different social norms. But from my experience, the social atmosphere has made me adapt in ways I never expected. Sometimes it feels like showing warmth or openness just isn’t returned, so eventually you stop trying.

Has anyone else—whether you’re an expat or even German—noticed yourself changing your personality or public behavior to fit in? Or is it just me?

Watching this World Cup, one thing keeps coming to mind. Scoring first is not the hardest part. The real challenge is knowing how to manage the game after that.

England showed how dangerous it can be to sit back and only defend a lead. Once you invite pressure, anything can happen.

Spain showed the other way against France. They kept playing, kept the ball and trusted their football.

In big tournaments, it’s not just about 11 players. A strong squad, smart substitutions and the courage to keep going often make the difference.