Emotionally Abusive Father but Amazing Family. What can I do?
Hello. I am 18M. Sorry if something doesn't make sense.
I am currently writing this a few hours before I fly halfway across the US for college. I just had fight with my father whom I now realize is likely the source of my depression. During my senior year of HS, I struggled and nearly failed some classes. For years I had been considering asking my parents about a therapist, but I was forced to visit one when I broke down crying before class. I think because I was forced to go by my father I hated it. It felt like he was trying to solve an inconvenience in his life, not help his son. The argument we just had was because he barged into my room without asking if he could come in. I wasn't trying to argue, I just felt disrespected and told him that. He told me to shut up and when I asked him to treat me with respect, he left. Now I am considering full estrangement when I get the chance.
My only problem is that my mother and my sisters are amazing people. I couldn't imagine my life without them. And the worst part is that my sisters turned out completely happy people. They are both in their 30s and both have successful careers and don't seem to have any baggage with my father. I also have a lot of positive memories with my father from when I was younger. It has caused me to think that I was the problem for years. I think it might be because he is so much older than he was when he raised my sisters. My father is 65 years old. He used to be high ranking in the military. I think now that he knows he is nearing death, he's becoming worse and worse. COVID also might have contributed to this.
I know this very trauma dumpy, but I think its worth it to explain my situation. I still would like to believe he could return to his pre covid self. But I also know he likely won't. What can I do to either prepare for estrangement or potentially fix things with him.
