u/No_Jicama_7808

Ok I have to say this here because I'm kinda scared if I tell anyone else 😭. Excuse my English.

So I'm 17f right, just moved. I've always known that I only liked girls since I was 12, my parents are crazy Christians so I've always been closeted. A little over 2 years ago I moved to this smallish town. Skip to the point where I meet this girl. I am demi sexual and demi romantic so I didn't really realize I had feelings for her until like a year in. I don't get crushes at all unless fictional and I've only had 1 ( horrible) relationship in the past. But I actually really really loved her a lot. And I was scared of ever telling her because well I didn't want to seem as if I was love bombing her or anything, but also I believed that if you looked close enough it wouldn't take you long to realize that I liked her. I loved spending time around her. ( For context I also have strict parents, I don't go anywhere) I don't really hug people but I hugged her a lot and held her hand and all of that and stuff. I loved and I still do love her personality. Anywho, everything was cool until she moved, which kinda changed things ig. I used to text her everyday and it should have been a red flag that she didn't really prioritize communication but idk. We still used to draw each other a lot, i used to flirt with her a lot, I used to encourage her and listen to her vent. But then she would talk about her ex every once and a while, which was ok because I'd comfort her about him or whatever. Until like Valentine's day of this year, we kinda hinted that we were going on a date and I feel so ashamed of being happy for it. Until she randomly just said that, she didn't get over her ex and couldn't do anything about it so sorry. I told her that It was ok and we literally stopped talking. That was until one of her online literally told me a whole bunch of stuff that I didn't know, like how toxic she is and things she did in the past. I took that as my excuse to hate her ig. Like I blocked her on everything, but then I unblocked her because I can't bring myself to hate her. And then she had a whole thing with her ex which just caused her to just block and not talk to me again. But is it bad that I miss her? I think that the worse thing about all of this is that if she ever gave a fuck about me and contacted me again, I'd still love her. But I don't think that would happen. So now I'm just stuck, I get jump scared every time I see her number pop up or when I see art from her on my phone. And no matter how much time I clear all her pictures out, there is always something there. And it's been months. And her friends still follow me and I didnt tell our friend group because I did want anyone to think badly of her. I don't want revenge or anything I just want to not care anymore. And it hurts extra because ik that she doesn't care as much as I do. I'm the only one feeling this way, and I hate it. I just want to not care like everyone else. And like it feels like everyone is just haunting me now. I don't want her friends to know I feel this way and just a whole bunch of other shit. I don't think I want to ever fall in love after this. It's too much.

Would it be weird if I gave Tisha OCD?

As the title says, I'm writing some brusha angst and I want to know if it would be ok giving Tisha a form of OCD. Though I haven't done much research yet, I am aware that OCD is usually dumbed down to ' clean freak ' and has multiple other issues and things attached. If I give her OCD would that be enforcing negative stereotypes and whatnot? Also may or may not be the best place to ask, what different OCD traits should I give her. Ty!!

A03 is cesspool for pedos and no one is talking about it. I saw a Instagram post with the caption: 'When people go on a03 and get mad when it has weird stuff on it' and in the comments people where defending all the weird shit they do. And I'm not talking about sprout x cosmo mpreg or dsmp x reader. I'm talking about literal underage *ape, incest and all that. Something even scarier is that when you go on the ao3 subreddit, there are people literally recommending and asking for underage incest. Someone literally recommended someone a Mabel x Dipper inscest fic. It's so mind-boggling that everyone thinks that this is ok. Someone pls tell me I'm not going crazy.

Posting this here because I'm scared of the Stolas fans

I fully understand that there are parts that octavia wasn't able to see or understand. I also see that Octavia might not have been able to see or fully understand the extent of her mother's abuse to her father. But at the end of the day y'all just say 'she needs to see the effort her father is making!! 🥹' and honestly that's just a bunch of bs. At the end of the day Stolas is flawed, and like it or not Stolas has and does pick Blitz over her. Again I understand that there are some parts she didn't see, but the actions still stand. And Octavia doesn't need to forgive Stolas. In fact, what I wish that would happen is if she just cuts off both of her parents. Because both of her parents are at fault and shitty.

Side note/mention - why couldn't Stella & Stolas come to a lavender marriage agreement? Does Stella just enjoy being abusive? Because I don't see any other motivations to not have an agreement like this. Also the whole divorce thing doesn't make sense relationships in hell don't really seem to matter as much. Is Stella gonna cry and say 'he cheated on me!!!!' whilst Bee has a whole ahh hellhound?

• The title doesn't really fit and idk how to edit it 😭

I'm 17F and want to get my life together, the problem... Nothing works. I've read books, started journaling, meditating, waking up early, drinking water, setting a schedule, sleeping 8hrs. It's so damn hard to wake up in the morning. No matter what I do, I then have to drag myself to my breakfast for everyone and get ready for school. I don't do much, but I still feel so tired all the time and nothing is working. When I get home from school, I only have the energy to wash a few dishes & chores , and even that I seriously procrastinate. I only have enough energy to be in my bed and scroll. I am an artist and writer and I love doing those things, but I just can't. I feel literally sore and sick getting up from my bed. I have blocked many apps successfully and stuff, but like what am I gonna do with all that extra time? Especially since I can't really do anything more. And I don't know why and I can't keep going on like this. And I don't know what to do anymore.

So for context, I am a ex Christian, I'm not gonna go too deep into it but I've really been through a lot especially with my family being abusers and having religious trauma and such. I have a lot of negative trauma & associations with my parents country. For context Trinidad and Tobago specifically Tobago. I have been feeling a bit empty especially after leaving Christianity and trying to deconstruct. I have been a pagan witch for at least a year. But I haven't been feeling the fulfillment that I thought I would have. And I'm feeling a strange pull towards my roots that I've been avoiding for a while, because again I associate my home country with bad things & experiences. On top of all of this the traditional practice Obeah is very very very stigmatized against. Is anyone here in a similar boat, or anyone that could offer any advice where to start?

- I didn't know what to title this question

Hiehie! Im trying to find any gods/goddess specifically from Trinidad & Tobago, around that area. I'm not having any luck finding any. I don't mind any spirits or anything. Thank you!