u/No_Matter_897

Despite taking my O/N lvls this year, it isn’t really why I’m in a shitty mental state . I just kept thinking about how lonely school is for me and I can’t wait to graduate though I still may be unable to befriend anyone after that.

Ever since 2020 aka the worse year of my life due to the pandemic, I’ve withdrawn and isolated myself completely from others in school. I’m still in a stagnant state of loneliness and I basically forgot how friendships even work. I occasionally take my frustration onto others . Either by simply glaring at them for being happy or even at times I swear and shout at them which got me into trouble a few times. I know it’s wrong and I feel like an asshole. Even when I had “friends” before 2020 I always felt left out and outcasted. I still tried to befriend people but all my attempts were futile. What’s even the point of trying when nobody there seems to ever care about me deeply? I don’t know if this would ever change or not for me. Puberty aggravated my struggles and made me even more insecure of myself with unpleasant body and mental changes.I just want some close company sometimes. However,I’m stuck in a paradox of being asocial and wanting to be liked.My mom makes me feel even worse of my non-existent social life by insulting me over it.

I often can’t sleep properly due to my frequent night meltdowns over it. I feel like a fucking crybaby with how emotional and sensitive I truly am.
I try my best to bottle up all my negative emotions in the day so I won’t burst into tears and make myself vulnerable around others. They keep teeming in my mind and I often get disconnected from reality because of that. I punch myself aggressively and became chronically online as a shitty coping mechanism .I feel alienated every time I look at myself in the mirror and in photos. My self esteem is completely busted. Why am I like this… so fucking dramatic over being lonely. I’m a social failure and a depressed mess.
I don’t know why I’m like this and I’m ashamed to confess all of this.

…. Can anyone relate to me regarding this?

This post contains content not supported on old Reddit. Click here to view the full post

I really like bands in general and would like to listen to more among kpop/krock . Xdinary Heroes is the only one I know of

I’m not really in a good mental state now and could use more songs similar to many three days grace songs (Never too late,Apologies, Painkiller etc) to calm myself down . Also can be metal.

I have a keloid scar on one of my knees that I gotten from accidentally falling down and scraping my knee on a rocky pathway.

View Poll