u/NorCalNavyMike

I have an adult daughter, 30, on the spectrum and with some related conditions. She was misdiagnosed in childhood, and had/has a resistant biomom who insists nothing is wrong with her (she has been well-evaluated and documented as an adult, is 100% SSI, verbal and ambulatory but unable to function independently; mental age diagnosed to ages 4-8).

She lives with an able brother, 24 (college student, fast food worker) who provides her a daily pill and a couple of shopping trips per week. She now receives regional center services in northern California, and has a day program that she goes to several times per week. Extended family in the area include another able brother, her mother (works out of town, and again is not supportive), an older sister (who doesn’t drive), another younger brother (28, works and lives alone), and her stepmother. I am on active duty Navy orders in San Diego for the past year or so, and scheduled for another year or two yet before returning to NorCal.

My daughter calls and texts me on the order of 10-20 times daily, at all hours of the day or night, ostensibly to say “I love you” or “when are you coming home” or “can I see my mother” even though she gets told these answers every time we speak. Although I love her of course, I’ve tried ignoring her calls when she blows my phone up like this… but I’ve no means of really enforcing anything with her, on the rare chance that she might actually have a bona fide emergency. I can’t just take her phone away.

Seeking advice or guidance, I’m at my wits’ end.