u/Notcrazyatall0

I feel like it’s reasonable to expect the last person to make the connection would send the first message. So, if I was the one who completed the match and opened up messaging, I’m going to say hi and start the conversation. I find alot of people “make you come to them” after being the one to complete the match. And it’s just online dating, I don’t take any of it too seriously, so I’ll still start the conversation opposed to having dozens of matches in my queue doing nothing, but am I the only one who thinks it reasonable to start the conversation if you matched last?

And honestly, maybe it doesn’t matter in other contexts, but because I’m generally looking to meet men who are into the D/s dynamic, me being the (experienced) s, I feel like it sets a precedent when the D takes the lead rather than sit and wait for me to reach out. Again, not rigid about it, but seems odd to me to wait to be approached when we’ve matched.

I run into this problem a lot when it comes to engaging with men. I'm a very sex positive and open person. Sex is an important part of connection to me, as is sexual compatibility (ie, relationship structures, kink, boundaries, desires, etc). However, I'm not into casual sex or impersonal hookups AT ALL. I'm clear with people about that. I'm selective about who I share my physical energy with and tend to move slowly when it comes to getting physical, but I also feel like certain things are important to discuss if I'm seeing someone whom I'm interested in a potential relationship with. For instance, what are this persons views on monogamy/ENM or are there sexual dynamics that they really want/need if committing to a relationship.

This is where it falls apart alot of times. It's so frustrating to have these kinds of discussions with someone who seemed multi dimensional until you discuss sex and now they have a completely one track mind, constantly focusing on the sexual aspect. When this happens I’ll speak up and let them know that I really don’t want that to be the full focus of getting to know one another and if they persist then I’ll cut it off immediately.

I’ve had men tell me (in so many words) “if you want a man to take you seriously, don’t talk about sex until you know he wants a relationship with you,” but does that not indicate that men are incapable of caring about multiple things at one time? And I’m sorry, but I don’t wanna put in an extensive amount of time getting to know someone and developing feelings for each other just to find out we’re sexually incompatible or have conflicting boundaries when it comes to relationship structures. We’re all adults here. Why is it so difficult to “walk and chew gum at the same time?”

43F and been trying so hard to get to my goal weight since beginning of the year, but it’s soooo slow going. It’s never taken me this long to lose weight while making this much effort. Since January I’ve only lost about 15 pounds while working out 6 days a week (on average), on a decent calorie deficit, watching macros, sleeping well, drinking a lot of water and generally living a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it’s perimenopause, idk. I have several friends trying to get me to just do a glp1 or various peptides. I’m seeing them shrink and I’m barely moving the scale. Should I just do it? Any perimenopausal women out there with advice? Been stuck at 162 for 2 months.