u/Objective-Baby-1234

There was a time
I started ignoring you
Talked to everyone else
Just not you

You approached me
Apologized
Said you knew
You were being a bitch

I told you
It’s okay
I appreciate it

For the rest of the day
Things were normal

Then the next time we saw each other
You were back
To being a bitch

Didn’t we just do this?
Why are we doing this again?
You even made some snide remark
About how now I’m going to ignore you

Which I did

Then you started being
Friendly again

Are you okay?
Is everything okay?
We can talk about it
That’s all I’m trying to do

Talk to you

Why do you only talk to me
When I’m ignoring you?

It really feels like

The anger and bitterness

Have faded

I’m accepting where things are now

I understand we both

Made mistakes

There are plenty of things

I would say differently

Be more direct about

I do miss

Our laughter

The inside jokes

Shared sense of humor

The way we mocked society

I don’t miss

The total package

Too confusing

All over the place

Is the only way to describe it

Still

It does feel like a loss

Not having you here anymore

I do wonder sometimes

If you ever feel the same

If you notice that I’m gone

I know it’s out of my control

Try not to dwell on it

Find something enjoyable to do

For myself

I do hope

You’re okay out there

Sometimes they come

After closing time

There’s a ritual to it

They check the door

It’s locked

They look at the hours

We’re closed

They check the door

They look at the hours

They check the door

They look at the hours

They look inside

Don’t look back

No eye contact

This is kinda creepy

They check the door

One more time

Just in case something changed

They walk away

One time

This guy

Started knocking

I’m like

Oh god

Please go away

He didn’t

He kept knocking

I went to the door

Said

We’re closed

He acted like he couldn’t hear me

I cracked the door

Just a smidge

Like

I dare you to put fingers in here

Watch what happens

He didn’t

So I just told him

We’re closed

He asked

Can I order something?

I said

No

We’re closed

He said

What about

Just a coffee

I said

No

We’re closed

We don’t have anymore

He looked at me like

I was a crazy person

Said

What do you mean?

You close and just get rid of all the coffee?

I’m like

Yeah

That’s exactly right

Who would want to drink

Coffee

That’s been sitting on a burner

All night

It would taste gross

We’re trying to run a business here

I didn’t really say all that

Just the part about

Dumping all the coffee

Once we’re closed

Being a

Correct assessment of the situation

But I think

My expression

Said it all

He turned away

Looking all dejected

I felt kinda bad

But at the same time I’m like

Did that really just happen?

One day I decided

The next time

A person

Flings their credit card at me

Instead of placing it in my

Outstretched

Open hand

Like I am

Some kind of peasant

With the cooties

I am going to

Take their money

Like I’m supposed to

Then I’m going to

Throw the card right back at them

It happened quickly

I told this guy

That’ll be five dollars

Held out my hand

The plastic hit the counter

I got excited

Said to myself

Am I really doing this?

He held out his own hand

I saw it

Froze for a second

Said

Don’t be a little bitch

Tossed that shit

Right back at him

We looked at each other

Held eye contact

Fuck you, buddy

So primal

He picked up his card

Walked away

I helped the next person

While feeling like

An absolute gangster

I spent all weekend

Coming up with stories

To show you

How cool I am

Then

The meeting got cancelled

Okay

That’s fine

It’s cool it’s cool

I’ll just wait til next time

Come up with more stories

Compare and contrast

Surely

I am not overthinking this

I once consulted the advice of a relationship expert.

He advised that you know someone’s interested when they reply promptly.

He referred to it as, “The Quick Quick.”

Imagine my delight when you wrote back immediately to my communication.

I thought to myself, is this The Quick Quick?

I believe it is!

However, it seemed very formal. It did not reference any of the questions, observations and personal disclosures I made in my paragraphs.

Once again I sought my friend. Please observe and analyze this for me, I asked of him.

He told me this is typically referred to as an auto-reply.

I peered upon him quizzically.

He informed me further, it means it’s automated.

Apparently the machine within your inbox sends out this message to anyone who endeavors there.

It explains that you are unable to regularly communicate for a number of weeks, due to your travels. But that you will respond once able to.

The universe is surely testing me.

It wants to see if I can maintain my serenity while tending to the gaping hole in the world left by your absence.

I am truly stoic at all times, however I believe my friend may be able to read minds.

He said to me, “She seemed into you, I’m sure she’ll write back once she can.

Just try to enjoy yourself for now.”

This man may be going insane.

However, it would appear I have no choice. I will carry on dutifully, holding our conversations and shared glances deeply inside myself.

I will look forward to hearing from you.

This lady just

Freaked out

Shouted

Jesus!

All because

She couldn’t use the door

She wanted to use

She had to use the door

Five feet away

I mean

I get it

It is a nice door

Why we can’t we use

The Good Door?

But really

Is it worth being

Smited over?

I looked up what it would take to leave this kind of permanent mark.

Like the one you made on my arm.

I needed to understand: What exactly did this person do to me? How out of control were they?

I’ll share it with you. Maybe you can begin to understand too.

I don’t want to inconvenience you too much—we already know how that ends up.

I’ll just share some of the highlights:

Rupture.

Deep capillaries.

Crush and burst.

Massive blood leakage.

Pooled aggressively.

Permanently trapped.

Body unable.

Dark stain.

Profound inflammatory reaction.

Tissue necrosis.

I’ll stop there. Don’t want to overwhelm you.

I really like the last one, though. It’s so scientific.

Detached.

It takes the sting out while also being like, whoa, that sounds serious.

Like some kind of diagnosis.

“You have cell necrosis, sir. Here are some pills.”

I didn’t cut you off because you asked me to run too many errands. It certainly got annoying, but I always tried to make the best of it—get myself a cookie.

You can figure it out.

You just need to be willing to feel the shame.

I had a dream

That I got

A promotion

I didn’t really want

But instead of protesting

I just sat at my new desk

Contemplating

How I was going to get out of it

I kept thinking

What if

I’m overreacting

What if

This is a good thing

I decided

To sleep on it

Trusting

That I could decline

The next day

If that’s how I felt

Doubt

Runs deep

It’s sometimes unclear

If a similar situation

Will end

The way it did before

Or if

I’ll be able to apply the lessons

Learned the last time

Similar circumstances

Were presented

What if though

It all simply

Plays out

Exactly as

It’s supposed to

Every time

Good or bad

Succeed or fail

If that’s the case

Is there ever

Anything

To be afraid of?

This moment can’t

Be let go

All evidence has pointed

To the contrary of

The worst case

Yet

I am still expecting

The worst case

This is a trick

What happened

In that moment?

My brain can’t make sense of it

As if

It was something spiritual

A pre-ordained instance

A weight that can’t be explained

The foam

The sweetness

The spice

This one

Is better than

The other one

But

There’s another one

And that one

Is really good

Too

It’s hard to say

Which one

Is the best

It kind of just

Depends on the day

Oh!

There’s a new place

They’ll have one too

Maybe it will also

Be good

Cool!

As you continue

Dissecting your

Chai latte

Experience

I am considering

The height and

Location of

The nearest

Bridge

I cannot get a moment’s respite.

The bosses are clamoring for actions and decisions, while those below are screaming to be heard.

The underlings despise the superiors; the powerful hold the subordinates in contempt.

And then there is me—stuck in between.

I listen to one side, ensure they are heard. I report it to the other, there is uproar.

What am I to do?

I feel I must explode, yet I am far too reasonable to do so.

I have an understanding: all things take time. Reality needs to unfold before choices are made.

For periods, there is simply no action to take, no decision to be made.

Not without more information.

There is a bigger picture, but they cannot see five feet ahead of themselves.

Please!

Let me be; let me see.

I will know what to do, I will handle it all.

They just need to let me.

You asked me

How to get there

I said

I think you can get there

From over there

Turns out

You can’t

Oh shit

Did I just make

An enemy?

She talks to me

Like that

Right in front of him

Now

They will go home

And fight

He will say

Why do you talk to him like that

She will say

Because at least he talks to me

He will say

You know how tired I am

She will say

I have needs

This will go on

For some time

And then

They gon’ smash

The tension

Left the relationship

Long ago

She now relies

On little jabs

To build frustration

Get his blood pumping

I am but

A pawn

In this game

As I look

Outside

I see a

Familiar haze

The sky

Remains blue

The trees

Are still green

And yet

They seem

Obscured

I contemplate

My direction

Have I made

The best decisions

Am I fulfilling

My potential

What will

This next day

Bring

I feel

A tinge

Of

Exhaustion

The air

Feels heavy

My skin

Is clammy

I am not sure

How I will

Continue

In this moment

I realize

It is hot

And I really

Need

To clean my windows

The children play

Competing

In tests

Of strength

And endurance

One decides

They should see

Who has

The most powerful

Arm

Meanwhile

A man

Walks in

The woods

He is having

What feels like

The worst day

Of his life

He hates

His job

He has

Little money

His friends

Are distant

His girlfriend

Just dumped him

For reasons

He does not

Understand

Above all else

He cannot

Stop thinking

About her

The thoughts are

Intrusive

They spiral

He questions

His worth

His decisions

What he may have

Done wrong

Suddenly

He

Is struck

Near his temple

By a stone

WHAT THE FUCK

He says

Having no idea

Where this rock

Just came from

He feels as though

His orbital

Has been shattered

He will likely need

A doctor

This truly is

The worst day

Of

His life

But

At least

For this moment

He is not

Thinking

About her

The launch sequence has been initiated.

Propelled by my deepest desires, the document hurtles through space and time in your direction—ETA unknown.

Or so I thought.

The technical team has advised me of recent advancements in computer science, which have allowed my words to reach you instantaneously.

It is possible you have already seen the notification.

It is also possible you have already read the transmission; the infrared beams shooting from your pupils to gauge my worthiness based on any grammatical errors I may have inputted.

I really don’t know what came over me.

Why did I attempt the use of a semicolon in such communication?

I really need to stop taking the advice of my cat. This may not be his area of expertise after all.

While I would never allow my superiors to see the doubt that is slowly drip-dropping through me, I did expose myself slightly to my good friend.

He stated plainly, “It’s not a big deal.”

Though I fear he may be succumbing to The Madness, I will do my best to take in his observation.

He also insightfully insisted that I procure something for myself—something I will enjoy, to take my mind off of things.

Intrepidly, I ventured to the convenience store, where I purchased three gallon-sized containers of ice cream.

That was about an hour ago, and while I do have approximately 1 and 1/4 containers left, I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.

I do have a budget to be mindful of.

Once you do—or if you already have—incorporate my letters into your consciousness, I wish only that you will see that I am but a humble man, simply doing my best.

I would only like to get to know you more.

Now down to one container.

How much influence

Do we truly have

Over the course

Of events?

I’ve tried

Many

Techniques meant

To direct

The flow

I have

Consulted the stars

I have

Mapped the planets

I have

Held positive thoughts

I have

Tossed the coins

Sometimes

It has worked out

Just as

I foretold

Sometimes

It has been

An absolute disaster

It seems

The best

I have done

Is just stay present

In the moment

When doing that

It has seemed

Most everything

Goes

Best case

I saw you glance

On the surface

That’s

A normal thing to do

There was a noise

You looked

But for me

It’s not that you looked

It’s how you looked

The way you froze

And slowly shifted

Your eyes

Look

Without letting them see

That you’re looking

Anyone else

Probably just sees

You taking a peek

What I see

Is someone

Performing

Threat assessment

I could be

Just projecting

Seeing myself

Reflected in you

Yet now I wonder

What goes on

Inside your head

One night

I went to a concert

With a friend

We had

A great time

An absolutely

Fabulous evening

I was young

And living alone

When I got home

I had

To take the garbage out

It was very dark

As I walked

Through the yard

Replaying songs

In my head

I looked up

Seeing a shape

That looked like

A large man

Wearing a hood

It turned out

To be

A small tree

Or large bush

One or the other

We’ve all had

Similar experiences

We laugh

Haha

So foolish

But me

I thought

You idiot

You let your guard down

You could have just died

Haha?

This is what

Trauma does

When

As a child

Split-second decisions

Needed to be made

To ensure

Actual survival

Sometimes

I overreact

I overthink

I get over anxious

Over nothing

It can be frustrating

Knowing

A small thing

Just made

My nervous system

Go ballistic