u/Obvious_Fix_2112

Hi, I have my appointment at the Bangalore Spain BLS centre in a couple of days. I have been staying in Bangalore for a couple of years but all my identity documents reflect my hometown as my permanent address. I have a broadband connection (utility bill) which I am going to show as my proof of residence for bangalore. The only catch is, that my surname in the broadband bill only has my initial and not my full surname. The first name is the same. What should i do to correct this? The broadband people are saying they cannot change the bills already generated. Any advice would be helpful please.

Hello. My husband and I have been married for just three months (long distance because of work commitments), together for 4 years. I have lately been feeling very frustrated with him and want to know if I need to manage my expectations or is he being a prick? Here are a few instances that have happened in the last one month that have irked me:

1. We had to take a trip together after the wedding but the only dates available for him were June (he has an off in the whole of June). I don't get any such offs so I had to take a leave for the vacation from work. This was extremely difficult for me because I had just joined back work after the wedding (I had asked for a 3 month work from home because it was required for the wedding, we work in different cities and were getting married in his city so I had to be there for 3 months). I requested to reduce the trip to 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks which pissed him off because it ruined his "whole june holiday". We finally took a 3 week vacation but it came with some resentment from his side. Where I again worked from home for the first 7 days since I couldn't ask for that long an off again from one. I lead a strategic team in a firm. I ideally would have wanted to just do this vacation for 10 days max but that wasn't possible.
2. On the trip, we were travelling around the US, but since he was low on funds, we decided to spend the first week with his sister to cut down costs. From there we had to travel to Phoenix for a bob dylan concert. We booked the concert tickets 3 months in advance. This concert was arguably the only thing I was looking forward to, because I have been obsessed with Dylan since time immemorial. We delayed booking the flight tickets to phoenix and got to it one week before the concert (we were very busy before so couldn't find time to book - with my night shifts working etc). When we finally got to booking it, he started saying he's low on funds and cannot afford it. He kept saying he's low on funds but would go out shopping for random things for this trip. He then asked me if this concert is that important for me - so i asked him to make a decision whether he can afford it or not. To which he said no. (Mind you he had also bought a harmonica for everyone in preparation for this concert). I asked him if i should cancel the concert tickets and he said yes. So i went ahead with it. The next morning he acted surprised that I actually cancelled the tickets and said he wanted to go ??? He said he just said it in the heat of the moment because I cornered him? I felt we had a very mature decision about what to do but he didn't see it that way. I felt really bad because I was looking forward to the concert and his indecisiveness and behaviour didn't help at all.
3. After that morning we didn't talk much about the dylan concert and decided to visit a few museums and have fun in his sisters city. I was bummed but I didn't let it show because i wanted the trip to not get affected. I thought I will speak to him about this once we are home. The whole day we were out together and actually had some fun and bonded which felt good. We came back to his sister's place had dinner and I went up to sleep because I was tired and he stayed down to watch TV. After half an hour, I went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and saw that him and his sister were talking in hushed tones. They went quiet when they saw me walking in. The whole bottle filling experience was so awkward because it was evident they wanted me to leave. The moment I got on the stairs they resumed their conversation and I found out it was about me. He was venting and speaking really badly about me saying I do not understand him and his financial constraints. He even divulged my private financial information to his sister. When he came back to the room I confronted him and was heartbroken the whole night and couldn't sleep. I felt very betrayed that he didnt come to me to speak about whatever was going on his mind, but went to his sister to "bitch" about me. I was really blindsided about this. He coloured her opinion of me and they all talk a lot in his family so this also must have travelled fast.
4. When I told him this was wrong of him to do, he should have come to me first. He said he didnt see any problem with going to his sister because he looks up to her and wanted her advice. Then he himself agreed the conversation though became about his venting and no advice was given. He kept pushing that I cannot stop him from speaking to his own sister and he started calling me mad and controlling. All i was trying to tell him was that it was super awkward to stay at his sisters place and then walk into them bitching about me. It was humiliating after everything that had happened. But he kept making this about how I cannot stop him from speaking to his sister. And family should be consulted in a marriage. I am of the opinion that family shouldn't be brought into marital conflicts but he didn't budge. After some time he agreed that "he made a mistake" but it wasnt a big deal and I reacted in an insane way. He said "I will make mistakes I am dumb like that but you cant react the way you did." Essentially brushing off responsibility and making it about me.
5. The whole stay at his sisters was not a good experience for me. She was constantly negative towards me and would taunt me here and there. Even when we would travel together she would ignore my existence and just talk to my husband. It was very off and uncomfortable but I didn't really say anything. He himself noted later that he felt his sister was a bit negative towards me and that she doesnt like me so he asked her once to be nice. That didnt change much but at least he noted this.
6. After that night, I just didnt know what I was doing there. I wanted to go back home and resume work. It felt stupid to continue but obviously I couldn't leave because we had another city to go to. His sister had planned a day trip to the mountains in the following days and I did not feel like going at all. But he pushed me saying he doesn't want his sister to feel bad because she's put in so much effort. So I went. I was really not feeling it because again the whole trip she kept ignoring me mostly. It was just super awkward. We finally went out of his sisters place and to the other city where the experience was better because it was just the two of us.
7. We came back to our home city after 3 weeks. After 3 days of staying here I was again travelling back to my work city. The understanding was that he will drop me to the airport because I will not come back for a couple of months. While we were going to my parents' place to spend one night at their house before my flight the next night, His mother called me and asked me when I will visit again. I told her I want to stay put in my work city for some time because I had been travelling a lot in the last 6 months and my work is suffering. So the understanding is that now the husband should travel to my work city a couple of times. Which in my mind was totally fair. Given how I have spent 4 months out of the last 6 months in his city. But I think this irked him because after some time, he announced that he won't drop me anymore because his parents are also leaving the next day and he wanted to spend time with them. Then he said he'll just drop me to my parents place and leave rightaway. then after some time he said he will leave the next morning. I lost it there and said why didnt he decide sooner because my parents had planned for his arrival. They treat him like a prince whenever he visits (thats how sons in law are treated in out culture), so they make preparations. He didn't budge and said I cant expect him to visit me because he has financial constraints and cannot afford it and I should understand this. I told him its ok if he cant visit but neither will I because I want to focus on my work for sometime. When I tell him my work has suffered he retorts saying his work has suffered too.

I am writing this message after he has left in the morning before I even got up.

I really want some advice and perspective about this. What am I supposed to do? How am i supposed to make this work? I keep getting this feeling that this marriage was a mistake. I feel lonely in this marriage sometimes and misunderstood. I want to know if I am being unreasonable? How can this work? How do we make this marriage work?

TLDR: Husband doesn't understand me, imposes his opinions and I am confused about what to do.

Hello. My husband and I have been married for just three months (long distance because of work commitments), together for 4 years. I have lately been feeling very frustrated with him and want to know if I need to manage my expectations or is he being a prick? Here are a few instances that have happened in the last one month that have irked me:

1. We had to take a trip together after the wedding but the only dates available for him were June (he has an off in the whole of June). I don't get any such offs so I had to take a leave for the vacation from work. This was extremely difficult for me because I had just joined back work after the wedding (I had asked for a 3 month work from home because it was required for the wedding, we work in different cities and were getting married in his city so I had to be there for 3 months). I requested to reduce the trip to 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks which pissed him off because it ruined his "whole june holiday". We finally took a 3 week vacation but it came with some resentment from his side. Where I again worked from home for the first 7 days since I couldn't ask for that long an off again from one. I lead a strategic team in a firm. I ideally would have wanted to just do this vacation for 10 days max but that wasn't possible.
2. On the trip, we were travelling around the US, but since he was low on funds, we decided to spend the first week with his sister to cut down costs. From there we had to travel to Phoenix for a bob dylan concert. We booked the concert tickets 3 months in advance. This concert was arguably the only thing I was looking forward to, because I have been obsessed with Dylan since time immemorial. We delayed booking the flight tickets to phoenix and got to it one week before the concert (we were very busy before so couldn't find time to book - with my night shifts working etc). When we finally got to booking it, he started saying he's low on funds and cannot afford it. He kept saying he's low on funds but would go out shopping for random things for this trip. He then asked me if this concert is that important for me - so i asked him to make a decision whether he can afford it or not. To which he said no. (Mind you he had also bought a harmonica for everyone in preparation for this concert). I asked him if i should cancel the concert tickets and he said yes. So i went ahead with it. The next morning he acted surprised that I actually cancelled the tickets and said he wanted to go ??? He said he just said it in the heat of the moment because I cornered him? I felt we had a very mature decision about what to do but he didn't see it that way. I felt really bad because I was looking forward to the concert and his indecisiveness and behaviour didn't help at all.
3. After that morning we didn't talk much about the dylan concert and decided to visit a few museums and have fun in his sisters city. I was bummed but I didn't let it show because i wanted the trip to not get affected. I thought I will speak to him about this once we are home. The whole day we were out together and actually had some fun and bonded which felt good. We came back to his sister's place had dinner and I went up to sleep because I was tired and he stayed down to watch TV. After half an hour, I went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and saw that him and his sister were talking in hushed tones. They went quiet when they saw me walking in. The whole bottle filling experience was so awkward because it was evident they wanted me to leave. The moment I got on the stairs they resumed their conversation and I found out it was about me. He was venting and speaking really badly about me saying I do not understand him and his financial constraints. He even divulged my private financial information to his sister. When he came back to the room I confronted him and was heartbroken the whole night and couldn't sleep. I felt very betrayed that he didnt come to me to speak about whatever was going on his mind, but went to his sister to "bitch" about me. I was really blindsided about this. He coloured her opinion of me and they all talk a lot in his family so this also must have travelled fast.
4. When I told him this was wrong of him to do, he should have come to me first. He said he didnt see any problem with going to his sister because he looks up to her and wanted her advice. Then he himself agreed the conversation though became about his venting and no advice was given. He kept pushing that I cannot stop him from speaking to his own sister and he started calling me mad and controlling. All i was trying to tell him was that it was super awkward to stay at his sisters place and then walk into them bitching about me. It was humiliating after everything that had happened. But he kept making this about how I cannot stop him from speaking to his sister. And family should be consulted in a marriage. I am of the opinion that family shouldn't be brought into marital conflicts but he didn't budge. After some time he agreed that "he made a mistake" but it wasnt a big deal and I reacted in an insane way. He said "I will make mistakes I am dumb like that but you cant react the way you did." Essentially brushing off responsibility and making it about me.
5. The whole stay at his sisters was not a good experience for me. She was constantly negative towards me and would taunt me here and there. Even when we would travel together she would ignore my existence and just talk to my husband. It was very off and uncomfortable but I didn't really say anything. He himself noted later that he felt his sister was a bit negative towards me and that she doesnt like me so he asked her once to be nice. That didnt change much but at least he noted this.
6. After that night, I just didnt know what I was doing there. I wanted to go back home and resume work. It felt stupid to continue but obviously I couldn't leave because we had another city to go to. His sister had planned a day trip to the mountains in the following days and I did not feel like going at all. But he pushed me saying he doesn't want his sister to feel bad because she's put in so much effort. So I went. I was really not feeling it because again the whole trip she kept ignoring me mostly. It was just super awkward. We finally went out of his sisters place and to the other city where the experience was better because it was just the two of us.
7. We came back to our home city after 3 weeks. After 3 days of staying here I was again travelling back to my work city. The understanding was that he will drop me to the airport because I will not come back for a couple of months. While we were going to my parents' place to spend one night at their house before my flight the next night, His mother called me and asked me when I will visit again. I told her I want to stay put in my work city for some time because I had been travelling a lot in the last 6 months and my work is suffering. So the understanding is that now the husband should travel to my work city a couple of times. Which in my mind was totally fair. Given how I have spent 4 months out of the last 6 months in his city. But I think this irked him because after some time, he announced that he won't drop me anymore because his parents are also leaving the next day and he wanted to spend time with them. Then he said he'll just drop me to my parents place and leave rightaway. then after some time he said he will leave the next morning. I lost it there and said why didnt he decide sooner because my parents had planned for his arrival. They treat him like a prince whenever he visits (thats how sons in law are treated in out culture), so they make preparations. He didnt budge and said I cant expect him to visit me because he has financial cosntraints and cannot afford it and I should understand this. I told him its ok if he cant visit but neither will I because I want to focus on my work for sometime. When I tell him my work has suffered he retorts saying his work has suffered too.

I am writing this message after he has left in the morning before I even got up.

I really want some advice and perspective about this. What am I supposed to do? How am i supposed to make this work? I keep getting this feeling that this marriage was a mistake. I feel lonely in this marriage sometimes and misunderstood. I want to know if I am being unreasonable? How can this work? How do we make this marriage work?

TLDR: Husband doesn't understand me, imposes his opinions and I am confused about what to do.

Hello. My husband and I have been married for just three months (long distance because of work commitments), together for 4 years. I have lately been feeling very frustrated with him and want to know if I need to manage my expectations or is he being a prick? Here are a few instances that have happened in the last one month that have irked me:

1. We had to take a trip together after the wedding but the only dates available for him were June (he has an off in the whole of June). I don't get any such offs so I had to take a leave for the vacation from work. This was extremely difficult for me because I had just joined back work after the wedding (I had asked for a 3 month work from home because it was required for the wedding, we work in different cities and were getting married in his city so I had to be there for 3 months). I requested to reduce the trip to 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks which pissed him off because it ruined his "whole june holiday". We finally took a 3 week vacation but it came with some resentment from his side. Where I again worked from home for the first 7 days since I couldn't ask for that long an off again from one. I lead a strategic team in a firm. I ideally would have wanted to just do this vacation for 10 days max but that wasn't possible.
2. On the trip, we were travelling around the US, but since he was low on funds, we decided to spend the first week with his sister to cut down costs. From there we had to travel to Phoenix for a bob dylan concert. We booked the concert tickets 3 months in advance. This concert was arguably the only thing I was looking forward to, because I have been obsessed with Dylan since time immemorial. We delayed booking the flight tickets to phoenix and got to it one week before the concert (we were very busy before so couldn't find time to book - with my night shifts working etc). When we finally got to booking it, he started saying he's low on funds and cannot afford it. He kept saying he's low on funds but would go out shopping for random things for this trip. He then asked me if this concert is that important for me - so i asked him to make a decision whether he can afford it or not. To which he said no. (Mind you he had also bought a harmonica for everyone in preparation for this concert). I asked him if i should cancel the concert tickets and he said yes. So i went ahead with it. The next morning he acted surprised that I actually cancelled the tickets and said he wanted to go ??? He said he just said it in the heat of the moment because I cornered him? I felt we had a very mature decision about what to do but he didn't see it that way. I felt really bad because I was looking forward to the concert and his indecisiveness and behaviour didn't help at all.
3. After that morning we didn't talk much about the dylan concert and decided to visit a few museums and have fun in his sisters city. I was bummed but I didn't let it show because i wanted the trip to not get affected. I thought I will speak to him about this once we are home. The whole day we were out together and actually had some fun and bonded which felt good. We came back to his sister's place had dinner and I went up to sleep because I was tired and he stayed down to watch TV. After half an hour, I went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and saw that him and his sister were talking in hushed tones. They went quiet when they saw me walking in. The whole bottle filling experience was so awkward because it was evident they wanted me to leave. The moment I got on the stairs they resumed their conversation and I found out it was about me. He was venting and speaking really badly about me saying I do not understand him and his financial constraints. He even divulged my private financial information to his sister. When he came back to the room I confronted him and was heartbroken the whole night and couldn't sleep. I felt very betrayed that he didnt come to me to speak about whatever was going on his mind, but went to his sister to "bitch" about me. I was really blindsided about this. He coloured her opinion of me and they all talk a lot in his family so this also must have travelled fast.
4. When I told him this was wrong of him to do, he should have come to me first. He said he didnt see any problem with going to his sister because he looks up to her and wanted her advice. Then he himself agreed the conversation though became about his venting and no advice was given. He kept pushing that I cannot stop him from speaking to his own sister and he started calling me mad and controlling. All i was trying to tell him was that it was super awkward to stay at his sisters place and then walk into them bitching about me. It was humiliating after everything that had happened. But he kept making this about how I cannot stop him from speaking to his sister. And family should be consulted in a marriage. I am of the opinion that family shouldn't be brought into marital conflicts but he didn't budge. After some time he agreed that "he made a mistake" but it wasnt a big deal and I reacted in an insane way. He said "I will make mistakes I am dumb like that but you cant react the way you did." Essentially brushing off responsibility and making it about me.
5. The whole stay at his sisters was not a good experience for me. She was constantly negative towards me and would taunt me here and there. Even when we would travel together she would ignore my existence and just talk to my husband. It was very off and uncomfortable but I didn't really say anything. He himself noted later that he felt his sister was a bit negative towards me and that she doesnt like me so he asked her once to be nice. That didnt change much but at least he noted this.
6. After that night, I just didnt know what I was doing there. I wanted to go back home and resume work. It felt stupid to continue but obviously I couldn't leave because we had another city to go to. His sister had planned a day trip to the mountains in the following days and I did not feel like going at all. But he pushed me saying he doesn't want his sister to feel bad because she's put in so much effort. So I went. I was really not feeling it because again the whole trip she kept ignoring me mostly. It was just super awkward. We finally went out of his sisters place and to the other city where the experience was better because it was just the two of us.
7. We came back to our home city after 3 weeks. After 3 days of staying here I was again travelling back to my work city. The understanding was that he will drop me to the airport because I will not come back for a couple of months. While we were going to my parents' place to spend one night at their house before my flight the next night, His mother called me and asked me when I will visit again. I told her I want to stay put in my work city for some time because I had been travelling a lot in the last 6 months and my work is suffering. So the understanding is that now the husband should travel to my work city a couple of times. Which in my mind was totally fair. Given how I have spent 4 months out of the last 6 months in his city. But I think this irked him because after some time, he announced that he won't drop me anymore because his parents are also leaving the next day and he wanted to spend time with them. Then he said he'll just drop me to my parents place and leave rightaway. then after some time he said he will leave the next morning. I lost it there and said why didnt he decide sooner because my parents had planned for his arrival. They treat him like a prince whenever he visits (thats how sons in law are treated in out culture), so they make preparations. He didnt budge and said I cant expect him to visit me because he has financial cosntraints and cannot afford it and I should understand this. I told him its ok if he cant visit but neither will I because I want to focus on my work for sometime. When I tell him my work has suffered he retorts saying his work has suffered too.

I am writing this message after he has left in the morning before I even got up.

I really want some advice and perspective about this. What am I supposed to do? How am i supposed to make this work? I keep getting this feeling that this marriage was a mistake. I feel lonely in this marriage sometimes and misunderstood. I want to know if I am being unreasonable? How can this work? How do we make this marriage work?

TLDR: Husband doesn't understand me, imposes his opinions and I am confused about what to do.

HI - pretty much what the question says. I am travelling to the US from India. There are two options for the flight that i am considering. One has a layover at Doha, the other in Turkey. Which flight should I take? Considering the ongoing war, are these airports safe, are flights going through them?