u/Odd-Worth-8448

Hello. I wonder, if it makes a big difference in how we write out our dreams. Is it as effective when I write a note in my phone? Or is writing it out handily better?

TL;DR:
I (24M) was in a relationship with my ex (24F) for 2.5 years. From early on, she showed severe trust issues, jealousy, and controlling behavior. She pressured me into deleting Snapchat, ending long-term friendships with women, and constantly accused me of cheating despite me never giving her a reason to doubt my loyalty.
Over time, she became increasingly controlling, even trying to forbid me from attending normal group activities if women were present. Whenever I stood up for myself, she accused me of not loving her and claimed I was choosing other women over our relationship. I repeatedly told her I wanted to be with her, but only in a relationship built on trust rather than control.
She also became physically aggressive on multiple occasions—snatching my phone, trying to read my private messages, holding me back when I wanted to leave my own apartment, and pushing me despite me repeatedly telling her to stop.
In the end, she broke up with me because I refused to accept being controlled and told her I wanted a healthy relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Even now, after so much blame, manipulation, and gaslighting, I’m still questioning my own judgment and trying to process everything that happened.

Full post:

Hello,
I (24M) was in a relationship with a woman (24F) for about two and a half years.
She entered the relationship with deep trust issues, jealousy, and a strong need for control, without openly communicating any of it. I’m convinced that the roots of these issues lie in her childhood, as well as in a previous dating experience where she was stood up.
I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.
Around the third month of our relationship, her trust issues began to surface. From that point on, they became a constant topic. It started with Snapchat, where I had completely normal, platonic friendships—including with women I had known since childhood, school, or simply long before our relationship.

We argued about it constantly. No matter how many times I explained that these were purely friendly connections, she insulted women she had never even met and accused me of being unfaithful. I repeatedly told her that trust is one of the most important foundations of a relationship and that it wasn’t reasonable to expect me to cut off long-standing friendships simply because some of those friends were women.

Eventually, under all the pressure, I deleted Snapchat to make her feel more comfortable because the app itself wasn’t that important to me. But I never felt good about it, because I knew that this wasn’t genuine trust. Deep down, I struggled with the fact that I was compromising my own values. And Snapchat wasn’t the only issue—I spent a long time bending over backwards just to avoid conflict.

I constantly felt like I had to watch every word I said because even completely ordinary situations involving women often turned into arguments. If I mentioned a female coworker a little too often—not because I was interested in her, but simply because she happened to be part of something that happened at work—it could become a problem.

Or when I had to spend a weekend in Saarbrücken for an in-person university session, she called me 22 times and bombarded me with WhatsApp messages because she convinced herself there would be attractive women there. At some point, the relationship was overshadowed by a constant sense of tension.

There were honestly a hundred more situations like this.
The final issue was that my entire university class wanted to go to the outdoor swimming pool together as a group. She wanted to forbid me from going. I asked her several times whether she genuinely believed that was normal or healthy. Around 90% of my classmates are in relationships themselves, and for none of them was this an issue.

She responded by threatening to break up with me, saying that I wasn’t respecting her “boundaries.” I explained countless times that, in my view, reasonable boundaries are things like: “Please don’t flirt with other women,” or “Don’t go on one-on-one dates with them.” I have always agreed with those boundaries. But forbidding me from participating in completely normal group activities crossed a line for me.

Whenever we argued, she would manipulate the situation, paint me as the bad guy, and claim that I didn’t love her—that I was willing to throw away our relationship because of “other women.” I told her over and over again that I wanted to be with her, but I wanted a relationship built on trust—one where normal social interactions weren’t treated as betrayals or forbidden altogether.
She never showed any real insight into how unhealthy this dynamic had become.

After so much blame-shifting, so many accusations, and so many insults, I honestly reached a point where I no longer knew what was right or wrong. I’m hoping that other people can give me some perspective and help me see the situation more clearly.

I also want to emphasize that I was never disloyal to her. Not once. I tried to meet her halfway. I deleted apps, ended friendships with people I had known since childhood, and always tried to understand where her fears were coming from.

In the end, she broke up with me because I told her clearly that I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I was controlled, micromanaged, and constantly forbidden from doing completely normal things.

One more important detail: on several occasions, she aggressively snatched my phone out of my hands to read my messages. She became physically aggressive, held me back when I tried to leave my own apartment, and shoved me many times despite me repeatedly telling her to stop.

It was honestly some deeply unhealthy behavior.
I’m still trying to process everything that happened. I just hope that, with time, it’s possible to heal from something like this completely.

TL;DR:
I (24M) was in a relationship with my ex (24F) for 2.5 years. From early on, she showed severe trust issues, jealousy, and controlling behavior. She pressured me into deleting Snapchat, ending long-term friendships with women, and constantly accused me of cheating despite me never giving her a reason to doubt my loyalty.
Over time, she became increasingly controlling, even trying to forbid me from attending normal group activities if women were present. Whenever I stood up for myself, she accused me of not loving her and claimed I was choosing other women over our relationship. I repeatedly told her I wanted to be with her, but only in a relationship built on trust rather than control.
She also became physically aggressive on multiple occasions—snatching my phone, trying to read my private messages, holding me back when I wanted to leave my own apartment, and pushing me despite me repeatedly telling her to stop.
In the end, she broke up with me because I refused to accept being controlled and told her I wanted a healthy relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Even now, after so much blame, manipulation, and gaslighting, I’m still questioning my own judgment and trying to process everything that happened.

Full post:

Hello,
I (24M) was in a relationship with a woman (24F) for about two and a half years.
She entered the relationship with deep trust issues, jealousy, and a strong need for control, without openly communicating any of it. I’m convinced that the roots of these issues lie in her childhood, as well as in a previous dating experience where she was stood up.
I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.
Around the third month of our relationship, her trust issues began to surface. From that point on, they became a constant topic. It started with Snapchat, where I had completely normal, platonic friendships—including with women I had known since childhood, school, or simply long before our relationship.

We argued about it constantly. No matter how many times I explained that these were purely friendly connections, she insulted women she had never even met and accused me of being unfaithful. I repeatedly told her that trust is one of the most important foundations of a relationship and that it wasn’t reasonable to expect me to cut off long-standing friendships simply because some of those friends were women.

Eventually, under all the pressure, I deleted Snapchat to make her feel more comfortable because the app itself wasn’t that important to me. But I never felt good about it, because I knew that this wasn’t genuine trust. Deep down, I struggled with the fact that I was compromising my own values. And Snapchat wasn’t the only issue—I spent a long time bending over backwards just to avoid conflict.

I constantly felt like I had to watch every word I said because even completely ordinary situations involving women often turned into arguments. If I mentioned a female coworker a little too often—not because I was interested in her, but simply because she happened to be part of something that happened at work—it could become a problem.

Or when I had to spend a weekend in Saarbrücken for an in-person university session, she called me 22 times and bombarded me with WhatsApp messages because she convinced herself there would be attractive women there. At some point, the relationship was overshadowed by a constant sense of tension.

There were honestly a hundred more situations like this.
The final issue was that my entire university class wanted to go to the outdoor swimming pool together as a group. She wanted to forbid me from going. I asked her several times whether she genuinely believed that was normal or healthy. Around 90% of my classmates are in relationships themselves, and for none of them was this an issue.

She responded by threatening to break up with me, saying that I wasn’t respecting her “boundaries.” I explained countless times that, in my view, reasonable boundaries are things like: “Please don’t flirt with other women,” or “Don’t go on one-on-one dates with them.” I have always agreed with those boundaries. But forbidding me from participating in completely normal group activities crossed a line for me.

Whenever we argued, she would manipulate the situation, paint me as the bad guy, and claim that I didn’t love her—that I was willing to throw away our relationship because of “other women.” I told her over and over again that I wanted to be with her, but I wanted a relationship built on trust—one where normal social interactions weren’t treated as betrayals or forbidden altogether.
She never showed any real insight into how unhealthy this dynamic had become.

After so much blame-shifting, so many accusations, and so many insults, I honestly reached a point where I no longer knew what was right or wrong. I’m hoping that other people can give me some perspective and help me see the situation more clearly.

I also want to emphasize that I was never disloyal to her. Not once. I tried to meet her halfway. I deleted apps, ended friendships with people I had known since childhood, and always tried to understand where her fears were coming from.

In the end, she broke up with me because I told her clearly that I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I was controlled, micromanaged, and constantly forbidden from doing completely normal things.

One more important detail: on several occasions, she aggressively snatched my phone out of my hands to read my messages. She became physically aggressive, held me back when I tried to leave my own apartment, and shoved me many times despite me repeatedly telling her to stop.

It was honestly some deeply unhealthy behavior.
I’m still trying to process everything that happened. I just hope that, with time, it’s possible to heal from something like this completely.

Hallo.

Ich M24 bin/war mit W24 in einer Beziehung. Ungefähr 2 1/2 Jahre.

Sie kam mit Vertrauensproblemen, Eifersucht und Kontrollzwang in diese Beziehung, ohne es offen zu kommunizieren. Wurzel davon ist mit Sicherheit ihre Kindheit und auch eine Kennenlernphase von davor, wo sie „versetzt“ wurde.

Ich möchte es so kurz wie möglich halten:

Seit ca dem 3 Monat in der Beziehung begonnen ihre Vertrauensprobleme. Es war immer Thema. Es begann mit der App Snapchat, wo ich normale, freundschaftliche Kontakte hatte, auch zu Frauen, welche ich teilweise von Kindesalter, Schulzeit oder generell der Zeit VOR der Beziehung kannte. Es gab so viel Streit deshalb. Egal wie oft ich ihr sagte, dass es NORMALE freundschaftliche Kontakte sind, wurden die für sie wildfremden Frauen als „Schlampen“ tituliert, ich als Fremdgänger usw. Ich sagte ihr auch mehrmals, dass mir Vertrauen sehr wichtig ist in einer Beziehung und es nicht geht, dass ich meine sozialen Kontakte abbreche, nur weil es Frauen sind.

Aus dem ganzen Druck, habe ich dann ihr zuliebe die App gelöscht, um ihr entgegenzukommen, weil mir diese App nicht so wichtig ist. Aber ich habe mich immer unwohl gefühlt damit, weil es einfach nicht sein kann, dass man so Vertrauen schafft (was ja auch kein wirklich echtes Vertrauen ist). Ich habe immer mit mir gekämpft, weil ich mich dadurch selbst nicht ernst nehmen konnte, ich habe mich nicht nur wegen Snapchat, generell so lange verbogen. Ich musste immer Angst haben, was ich sage, weil es auch da oft zu Streit kam, wenn eine neutrale Situation war, wo eine Frau involviert war.

Ich hatte es aber akzeptiert mit Snapchat. Trotzdem gab es immer wieder Streit, wenn ich einen Ticken zu viel von einer Arbeitskollegin erzählt habe, wo es nicht mal explizit um sie als Mensch ging, sondern um normale Dinge, die ich auf der Arbeit erlebt habe, oder ob es ein Wochenende in Saarbrücken war, wo ich wegen dem Studium eine Präsenzphase hatte und sie mich voll gespamt hat, 22x angerufen und über WhatsApp so einen Terror gemacht hat, weil sie dachte, dort seien attraktive Frauen usw, es war ab einem gewissen Punkt nur noch eine Grundanspannung da.

Es gab noch 100 weitere Beispiele, wirklich. Aber um das ganze hier abzurunden, die letzte Situation ging um das Thema, dass wir als Uniklasse, also alle gemeinsam als Gruppe, ins Freibad gehen wollen. Das möchte sie mir verbieten. Ich habe sie mehrmals gefragt, ob sie meint, dass das normal und gesund ist? Dort sind 90% der Mitschüler selbst vergeben, bei keinem ist es ein Problem. Sie droht mir dann mit der Trennung, da ich ja ihre „Grenzen“ nicht respektieren würde. Ich sagte ihr so oft, dass meiner Meinung nach eine Grenze ist: „Bitte flirte aber nicht mit anderen Frauen“, „Treffe dich nicht mit ihnen“ usw. Ich hatte NIE etwas anderes behauptet. Ich war immer der gleichen Meinung. Aber jetzt verbietet sie mir normale Gruppenaktivitäten. Das kann doch nicht sein?

Bei einem Streit manipuliert sie mich jedes Mal so sehr, stellt mich als den bösen dar, der sie nicht liebt, der „all das“ wegen anderen Frauen wegschmeißen will usw. Ich sage wirklich 1000x, dass ich mit ihr eine Beziehung haben möchte, aber eine, die eben auf Vertrauen basiert und wo man mir nichts normales, soziales verbietet. Wo soll das noch hinführen? Sie hat keinerlei Einsicht.

Von der ganzen Schuldumkehr, den Vorwürfen und den Beleidigungen, weiß ich als schon selbst nicht mehr, was richtig und falsch ist. Ich hoffe, dass das einige Menschen sehen und mir evtl. etwas Klarheit schenken können.

Ich möchte noch betonen, es gab NIE eine Situation, wo ich ihr nicht loyal war. Ich bin auf sie zugekommen, habe mich verbogen, Apps gelöscht, Kontakte abgebrochen, welche ich seit Kindesalter kenne und hatte immer Verständnis.

Jetzt hat sie sich von mir getrennt, weil ich ihr klipp und klar sagte, dass ich nicht in einer Beziehung sein möchte, wo ich kontrolliert, bevormundet und generell Vorbote bekomme.

Eine Zusatzinformation vielleicht noch: sie hatte mir auch mehrmals das Handy aggressiv aus der Hand gerissen, wollte Chats durchlesen, wurde handgreiflich, hat mich festgehalten, als ich meine eigene Wohnung verlassen wollte und hat mich sehr oft geschubst, trotz mehrmaligen sagen, dass sie damit aufhören soll.

Einfach wirklich krankes Zeug. Damit habe ich jetzt erst mal einige Zeit zu knabbern dran. Ich hoffe, sowas verarbeitet man vollständig.