u/Ok-Half7469

i know auvelity is a new drug, but i had to quit it after 4 days for a reason i haven’t even seen people talk about.

the first 3 days (taking one pill a day) i felt great, but i wasn’t all there. like a weird “trip” basically. fourth day was the day i was supposed to up the dose — one in the morning, one >8 hours later. i was feeling a bit weird, but took the second dose anyways

about 5 minutes later, i collapsed through my knees. i’m incredibly thankful to have been there with my family (who i live across the country from most of the year), because i was coming in and out of consciousness, and screaming hysterically and crying.

i spent about 2 hours puking all over myself, crying, feeling detached from the world. i felt like i was going insane. second day as well — completely out of it, panicking. i’m a grown woman, i had to sleep in my mom’s bed.

third and 4th day (today), the doctor had to call me in some valium because i couldn’t even get out of bed. i basically slept through the third day, and today i’ve felt completely out of it, like im not even a breathing person. when i focus too much on the fact that im alive, i begin to panic and cry.

it’s horrible. i’ve never seen an adverse reaction to this. it feels like a bad trip im begging to end. did anyone have even slightly the same symptoms as me?

i wish they didn’t have to deal with me. i’m back from college and staying with them, and i just broke down harder than i have in a while

they know im bipolar, but tonight they really realized the severity. my mom had to beg me not to hurt myself, wanted to hospitalize me, asked me if i needed to drop out of school and come home.

i just wish i could be strong for them. i’m probably never going to live a good life, and i don’t know how long i can go on being this depressed. it’s unbearable

i don’t mean that it just takes a while, like any older console does. as in left it charging for about 10 hours overnight, and barely made it to 50%

i recently got a new vita after losing my childhood one about a few months ago, and even after many years my older vita charged a lot quicker if i remember right! can’t tell if it’s my charger or if the vita i got has a weak battery :(

i’m staying with my parents right now who i see very rarely, and i just wish that i could be someone they’d be proud of. they love me, they’d be proud of me, but i don’t think they understand the depths of my bipolar.

i’ll probably die before them, which i know is something they wouldn’t be emotionally prepared for. but i’d have no one when they’re gone, no siblings, my relatives im not very close with.

i don’t see myself getting married or having kids. i feel like it’d be selfish to make a partner deal with someone bipolar, or have a child when im mentally ill myself, potentially passing it onto them.

i don’t even know if ill finish college. it all feels pointless. i’m thinking of getting a tattoo, and some of my reasoning is “ill probably die soon, so why not?”, and it’s a sad way to live. i just want to live a good life, and my disorder will never let me

this is more so for my apple watch people who get told about their vo2 max. does anyone else have low vo2 max/cardio fitness with pots? i’m interested because im a very active person, and recently got told i have a very good heart & resting hr by my cardiologist. i’m not too worried about it, but im curious!

weird food for thought. my mom and i were talking about if there was a pill to cure your disorder entirely, would you take it?

she told me that anyone would, but i really had to think about it. because of course id want to never experience bipolar again. its completely wrecked my whole life. but at the same time, its all ive ever known. i was open with her about how ive lived like this for so long, i dont know who id be without bipolar. i feel like it’d be… flat. since i’m so used to experiencing extreme highs and lows.

i feel like too, my struggles with bipolar helped me grow into who i am now. years of struggle and honestly, ruining my own life with bad decisions has shaped me. i’m more compassionate for others when they struggle. i’m more aware of my own emotions. i’ve (tried to at least, lol) learned impulse control.

so yeah, im curious! i don’t even know how id answer this really. i feel like my instinct is yes, but theres something scary about a life without it.