u/Ok-Hurry-209

I am not able to figure out my path which Direction i should go in I like few things and I am interested in those things but i don't feel confident enough to start it.The thing is i dropped out of college and at that time I was ready to take the risk but now i don't know if I have what it takes to follow your dreams. I have always thought of myself as kind of broken so i always saw myself as someone who can't do much or who is a little I had a therapist too throughout. So I don't feel strong enough to not have a stable something Firstly I need some kind of emotional guide if someone has survived this what did they do to get through . Any advice will be helpful !

What are some of your coping mechanisms to deal with childhood traumas and day to day life

So all my life I have had two close friends and they are both so fucking draining one is a complete gaslighter who used to tell me or comment at me that I used to pay for her pastries in a joking way and she used to make comments about my appearance like very unnecessarily and it's not even like humor i mean what's the joke in oh you know you are starting to look like a man or stand like a man and forget that she once said ki tu itni cute kab ho gyi ummm what was that and yaa comments here and there and then this other girl who is a little too delusional and they made like such a toxic environment for me but then there is this other thing that when I was really depressed in kota these two seem like the only people who helped me and got me so honestly to this day I just can't decided what to do with these two I mean are they my friend are they not how much can I share, and if I cut off the only girl who was once my best friend and who got me through depression or is the problem me , do I cut them off do I just keep them acquaintances I don't know. And honestly do people even find trustworthy people and is this what i deserve in my one and only life and did they ever even love me because I loved them both.