u/Ok-Operation-7542

Hi J,
It’s been a while. It’s taken me a long time to process my feelings and fully understand everything that happened between us. I’m finally in a place where I can talk about why things ended. At the time, I couldn’t process any of it all I could do was cry. I’m not embarrassed by that anymore. It was the first time I truly let everything out.

I haven’t been dwelling on this the way I used to, and I’m not writing this with expectations of reconnecting. But you became extremely avoidant when things got hard, and after weeks of barely speaking, you came into my home to end things without ever really explaining why. The only thing you made clear was that you didn’t regret our time together.

If you cared about me in any capacity, then be honest with me now. I think we owe each other one final conversation especially one with actual clarity. I deserve that.
You have my number, and you know how to reach me. I haven’t heard from you in months, though I know I initiated no contact because I was deeply disappointed in how everything was handled. Still, I have a feeling there are things you’ve wanted to say or answered from my end as well. This is me telling you directly that all you have to do is ask.
I’ve always been kind to you, even when I didn’t need to be. That hasn’t changed.

It’s been a year since I took a chance on you. Will you take this chance to repair everything that was broken?

— J

J I’ve officially ran out of pages in my journal to let out how I’ve been feeling lately so I’ve come here. Maybe to find validation. Maybe to let go. Maybe to come across something that feels like it’s written just for me. If there’s a possibility that you’re here for the same reasons I’ll leave this last letter just for you. It’s taken me a lot of time to process everything though our ending wasn’t horrible. Though if it did I feel like this would be much easier. I felt so many emotions about everything that’s unfolded and overthinking has done me absolutely no good. As I sit here promising myself this is the last I’ll speak of this I don’t necessarily want to forget us but I have to stop asking for answers that may never come. I took a big leap of faith having to choose myself and I believe you did the same. For that I’m proud of us. This does not mean that it seems to be one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make. I wish I could have sat there across from you and processed my emotions that night. We both deserved that. My emotions got the best of me but not being able to feel them for years really led me to where I am. I’m not here to tell you I’m better I’m not here to tell you I’m fixed or looking for answers to why things went the way they did. I’m simply here to say thank you. Though the decision happened at the same time it happened separately. You still showed up and tried to give me what I deserved proper closure. For that I’m thankful. There was so much going on everything was crashing down on me. So much I should have told you about instead of turning into a pile of tears. I know I initiated no contact for your good and mine. Nothing I’ve done has been with bad intentions for you it’s been all done with love. That being said I think we deserve to have the proper closure we both deserve. If you ever get the same nagging voice in your head to pick up that phone to call me like I do for you. Do it. There’s no need to overthink this as you always have. I want you to be able to lift this weight of your shoulders that I can’t help but feel you’ve been carrying around like me. I’m open to fitting you in my life where you feel comfortable. If you tried to contact me on an earlier date you’ve probably been blocked again like I said wasn’t personal. You deserved a honest pure conversation that wasn’t fueled with negative emotions. I don’t hold those anymore for you. I carry love for you in any capacity that you can take it. I’m trusting my intuition in hopes that this will come across your feed. If not just know that I have no regrets either. Know you are seen. I hear you and you will be welcomed with open arms and the biggest bear hug as you deserve. I’m ready. So if you ever get that intuitive feeling to pick up the phone do it. I’ll be waiting on the other side. ☎️

Yours
JJ

I’ve officially ran out of pages in my journal to let out how I’ve been feeling lately so I’ve come here. Maybe to find validation. Maybe to let go. Maybe to come across something that feels like it’s written just for me. If there’s a possibility that you’re here for the same reasons I’ll leave this last letter just for you. It’s taken me a lot of time to process everything though our ending wasn’t horrible. Though if it did I feel like this would be much easier. I felt so many emotions about everything that’s unfolded and overthinking has done me absolutely no good. As I sit here promising myself this is the last I’ll speak of this I don’t necessarily want to forget us but I have to stop asking for answers that may never come. I took a big leap of faith having to choose myself and I believe you did the same. For that I’m proud of us. This does not mean that it seems to be one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make. I wish I could have sat there across from you and processed my emotions that night. We both deserved that. My emotions got the best of me but not being able to feel them for years really led me to where I am. I’m not here to tell you I’m better I’m not here to tell you I’m fixed or looking for answers to why things went the way they did. I’m simply here to say thank you. Though the decision happened at the same time it happened separately. You still showed up and tried to give me what I deserved proper closure. For that I’m thankful. There was so much going on everything was crashing down on me. So much I should have told you about instead of turning into a pile of tears. I know I initiated no contact for your good and mine. Nothing I’ve done has been with bad intentions for you it’s been all done with love. That being said I think we deserve to have the proper closure we both deserve. If you ever get the same nagging voice in your head to pick up that phone to call me like I do for you. Do it. There’s no need to overthink this as you always have. I want you to be able to lift this weight of your shoulders that I can’t help but feel you’ve been carrying around like me. I’m open to fitting you in my life where you feel comfortable. If you tried to contact me on an earlier date you’ve probably been blocked again like I said wasn’t personal. You deserved a honest pure conversation that wasn’t fueled with negative emotions. I don’t hold those anymore for you. I carry love for you in any capacity that you can take it. I’m trusting my intuition in hopes that this will come across your feed. If not just know that I have no regrets either. Know you are seen. I hear you and you will be welcomed with open arms and the biggest bear hug as you deserve. I’m ready. Pick up the phone. ☎️

I’ve officially ran out of pages in my journal to let out how I’ve been feeling lately so I’ve come here. Maybe to find validation. Maybe to let go. Maybe to come across something that feels like it’s written just for me. If there’s a possibility that you’re here for the same reasons I’ll leave this last letter just for you. It’s taken me a lot of time to process everything though our ending wasn’t horrible. Though if it did I feel like this would be much easier. I felt so many emotions about everything that’s unfolded and overthinking has done me absolutely no good. As I sit here promising myself this is the last I’ll speak of this I don’t necessarily want to forget us but I have to stop asking for answers that may never come. I took a big leap of faith having to choose myself and I believe you did the same. For that I’m proud of us. This does not mean that it seems to be one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make. I wish I could have sat there across from you and processed my emotions that night. We both deserved that. My emotions got the best of me but not being able to feel them for years really led me to where I am. I’m not here to tell you I’m better I’m not here to tell you I’m fixed or looking for answers to why things went the way they did. I’m simply here to say thank you. Though the decision happened at the same time it happened separately. You still showed up and tried to give me what I deserved proper closure. For that I’m thankful. There was so much going on everything was crashing down on me. So much I should have told you about instead of turning into a pile of tears. I know I initiated no contact for your good and mine. Nothing I’ve done has been with bad intentions for you it’s been all done with love. That being said I think we deserve to have the proper closure we both deserve. If you ever get the same nagging voice in your head to pick up that phone to call me like I do for you. Do it. There’s no need to overthink this as you always have. I want you to be able to lift this weight of your shoulders that I can’t help but feel you’ve been carrying around like me. I’m open to fitting you in my life where you feel comfortable. If you tried to contact me on an earlier date you’ve probably been blocked again like I said wasn’t personal. You deserved a honest pure conversation that wasn’t fueled with negative emotions. I don’t hold those anymore for you. I carry love for you in any capacity that you can take it. I’m trusting my intuition in hopes that this will come across your feed. If not just know that I have no regrets either. Know you are seen. I hear you and you will be welcomed with open arms and the biggest bear hug as you deserve. I’m ready. Pick up the phone.

I’m feeling a little unsure about where I stand right now and could really use some perspective.

In the past, I’ve had relationships that were very on-and off, and because I cared so deeply, I allowed that pattern to continue longer than I should have. Eventually, I had to learn how to set boundaries to protect myself, even when it meant completely cutting people off. That fear of falling back into unhealthy cycles is still something I carry.
A few months ago, I got out of a relationship that was different. It wasn’t toxic or explosive we both cared about each other, but it just wasn’t working. I know ending it was the right decision. Still, out of habit and self-protection, I said we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives at all.
Now that time has passed and I’ve had space to process everything, I find myself missing the connection we had not necessarily as partners, but as people who genuinely cared about each other. There were a lot of things left unsaid, mostly because I was overwhelmed at the time, and now I feel like I’m finally ready for that kind of closure.
I guess what I’m struggling with is this: is it ever truly possible to be real friends with an ex when things didn’t end badly? Not just being “friendly,” but actually having a meaningful, healthy friendship?
Part of me wants to reach out, just to have an honest conversation with no expectations just to say what I didn’t get to say and hear their truth too. But another part of me is scared of slipping back into old patterns or disrupting their life if they’ve moved on.Respectfully.
I don’t feel anger anymore just a sense of care, curiosity, and a desire for clarity. I’m trying to approach this from a grounded place and do what feels right for me, but I’m torn. I was too upset to even talk the last time we saw each other. Life got extremely overwhelming for me it felt like my life was in full blown shambles.
If anyone has gone through something similar whether you reached out or chose not to I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. How did it turn out for you? And how did you know what the right choice was? Im surprised they haven’t tried to reach me at all. I can’t keep running with the thought that they did when I blocked them (they were told about this) through it passes my mind every day. Id love to stop ruminating and get this off my chest as soon as I can.