Wedding Shower Concerns
My fiancé and I aren’t getting married for another year and some change, so there’s definitely still time to think about this, but my mom has started talking about planning a bridal shower for me. She would really like to invite some of her close friends who want to celebrate with me, but they won’t be invited to the actual wedding.
Our wedding is going to be pretty small, around 50 guests. That already includes our immediate families, aunts and uncles, and about two friends each. We aren’t even inviting cousins because we both have large families and our guest list could very easily get into the hundreds if we started expanding beyond that…I brought up my concern to my mom because I know the general etiquette is that you shouldn’t invite someone to a bridal shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding. I especially don’t want anyone to feel like they’re being invited just to give me a gift or that a wedding invitation is coming later. I also want to make it clear that I absolutely do not expect gifts from anyone who attends. For me, this would genuinely just be about having people there who want to celebrate with us.
My mom completely understands my concern and said she would make it very clear beforehand that the wedding itself is small and they shouldn’t expect an invitation. She still really wants to include some of her friends because a lot of them have known me since I was a kid, and according to her, they already understand the situation and genuinely don’t mind. They just want an opportunity to celebrate me in some way.
There’s also a little more context that makes this meaningful to me. My brother passed away a few years ago, so I’m the only child my mom will get to have this experience with. Some of her friends have been around our family for years, and I think part of their excitement is also wanting to celebrate with and uplift my mom. That honestly makes me really happy because, while the wedding is obviously about my fiancé and me, I know this is also a really special milestone for both of our parents.
I’m not trying to justify bad etiquette, though, which is why I’m curious what other people think. If the guests are told upfront that the wedding is very small, know they aren’t invited to it, aren’t expected to bring a gift, and still genuinely want to attend the shower and celebrate with us, would you still consider it rude or gift grabby to invite them?
Some extra context: My mom is an older latina lady who barely knows English. I think in general she just wants to have a little party at her house like a luncheon or bbq. It doesn’t explicitly need to be called a shower, but I fear that it may not matter what kind of party it is or what it’s called😅 From all these responses, it seems like it’ll feel gift grabby either way but i’m happy to hear more perspectives if the name of the party makes a difference or not!
Update: I spoke with my mom and we all had a nice chuckle from all the responses, mostly because she was so unaware of the traditions here and was taken aback by how strict some of the rules are. It’s not that we don’t understand because we do get why some of these rules exist, however, my mom and her friends love hosting and no one has an issue with throwing a party. We decided that we simply won’t be calling it a bridal shower and make everyone aware that gifts are not necessary. I think regardless of what we decide to call it some people will bring gifts though because that’s just how they are🤷♀️I know some people will still think this is bad etiquette, but my mom, her friends, and the people they want to invite don’t mind and want to celebrate me and my mother.