Looking for honest comparisons. Cost, time, stress—what was the biggest difference?

I never thought I'd be posting something like this, but I'm completely stuck.

My wife recently told me she wants to be polyamorous. To be clear, this wasn't something we discussed before marriage, and it definitely wasn't part of the life I thought we were building together.

We've been married for over a decade, have kids together, a home, a life, routines, memories—the whole package. I always believed we were in a committed monogamous relationship. Now she's telling me she still loves me, wants to stay married, wants us to keep raising our kids together, but also wants the freedom to pursue other relationships.

I've tried to keep an open mind. I've read articles, watched videos, and talked to a therapist. The problem is that deep down, I don't think I want this. Every time I imagine her with someone else, I feel sick. I don't judge people who are poly. I just don't think I am.

The reason I'm stuck is because divorce feels like stepping off a cliff.

Before we got married, we signed a prenup. At the time, I was young and in love and didn't think much about it. Looking at it now, if we divorce, she comes out way ahead financially. I would likely lose the home, take a major hit to my standard of living, and probably have to start over from scratch. Meanwhile, she would be largely unaffected financially.

Then there are the kids. They're my entire world. The thought of seeing them only part of the time absolutely destroys me. Even if I got a fair custody arrangement, I'd still be missing half their lives.

So my choices seem to be:

1. Stay married and try to accept a relationship structure that goes against everything I want.
2. Get divorced, lose a huge amount financially, potentially lose daily access to my kids, and rebuild my life from the ground up.

Some friends tell me to leave because "self-respect matters." Others tell me to stay because people make compromises in marriage and maybe I'd adjust over time.

What I can't figure out is whether staying would be a sacrifice for my family or a betrayal of myself.

Has anyone been in a situation where your spouse wanted to open the marriage and you didn't? Did you stay? Did you leave? Do you regret your choice?

I'm looking for honest perspectives because right now I feel trapped no matter which path I choose.

I discovered my wife was cheating after several years together and now we’re divorcing. I’m also the biological father of our child, but another man is on the birth certificate. I filed for parental rights but I’m unsure whether continuing is the right move financially and emotionally. Has anyone been through something similar

I never went to college so maybe I made a lot of stupid choices in life. But I really need advice because my head is messed up right now.

About 5 years ago I fell in love with a woman who was married to an older rich guy. He was way older than her, had money, houses, cars, all that stuff. Me and her started seeing each other behind his back and she got pregnant from me.

When the baby was born, she told her husband the kid was his. He signed the birth certificate and everything. I hated it but I stayed quiet because I loved her and wanted us to be together someday.

Then life changed fast. The old guy got arrested by the feds and went to prison. After that me, her, and the child moved to another state and we got married. We lived together like a normal family. The kid called me dad and I treated the child like my own because biologically the child IS mine.

Big mistake we made was never changing the birth certificate.

After a few years our marriage turned into hell. Fighting all the time, no trust, no peace. Then I found out she was cheating on me. One night I tracked her location from the iPhone and I actually saw through a window her having intercourse with another guy. That image still destroys me.

I got angry and stupid. During the marriage we bought 2 expensive cars, both around $100k each. I sold both of them to dealership without caring anymore. I wanted revenge and wanted out.

Now she has the child and won’t let me even talk to the kid. I filed for divorce and also filed to get parenting rights because I’m the biological father.

But now I’m wondering if I should even continue this lawsuit. Right now I don’t pay child support because legally another man is still the father on paper. Part of me wants to fight because that’s my child. Another part of me thinks if I keep pushing, I could end up paying tons of child support and still get treated like garbage.

What would you do in my situation? Fight for your rights as the real father or walk away and start over?

Looking for honest comparisons. Cost, time, stress—what was the biggest difference?

Not trying to bash lawyers—just curious if anyone felt the cost didn’t match the outcome.

Hey—welcome to r/AffordableDivorce.

If you’re here, you’re probably trying to figure out how to get through divorce without spending a fortune or making things worse than they already are.

You’re not alone.

This community is built for people who want:

• Real experiences (not theory)
• Practical ways to reduce divorce costs
• Alternatives to expensive legal battles
• A more manageable, less stressful process

🚀 How to get the most out of this community

• Ask questions (even basic ones)
• Share your situation (keep it anonymous)
• Mention your state if possible (laws vary a lot)
• Engage with others—your input helps someone else

📌 Start here

Check out this thread:
👉 “How much did your divorce actually cost (all in)?”

It’s one of the most helpful discussions in the community.

⚠️ Quick note

This subreddit is for information and shared experiences only—not legal advice.

If you’ve been through divorce already, your experience could really help others here.

If you’re just starting—ask anything.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

— Mods

Trying to understand realistic options in CA.
Is self-filing actually doable or do most people still need mediation/lawyers?
Would appreciate real experiences.

I’m trying to understand what people really end up paying for divorce—not just what lawyers quote at the beginning.

If you’ve been through it, would you mind sharing:

• Your state
• Whether you used a lawyer, mediation, or handled it yourself
• Total cost (rough estimate is fine)
• What surprised you the most

I keep hearing numbers from $1,000 to $50,000+, which is a massive gap.

Trying to figure out what’s realistic—and whether there are smarter, more affordable ways people are using.