u/Ok_Stable_1954

I’m a 36 AMAB and over the last 2 years I think my “egg” has been slowly cracking — been talking about my gender in psychoanalysis the entire time, the first year unknowingly, the second explicitly. In the last 6 months it’s become much more urgent, vital, and at the surface. At this point I think about the possibility of transitioning almost all day, every day; either abstractly, or looking up how to get hair extensions, or buying women’s clothes, buying make up, or getting my nails done, dying my hair, shaving my legs.

Somehow, despite all this I’m still PLAGUED by doubt, afraid I’m deluding myself, or that this is all nonsense. I think primarily because my sense of gender dysphoria is extremely diffuse — I like my genitals, I have at times in the past liked having a masculine-appearing body, I don’t feel acute pain at being a man.

I have always been a man who has been very, very masc presenting, but highly gender non-conforming in practice: i.e. extremely uncomfortable with stereotypical man spaces, very anxious around men (didn’t really learn how to socialize with men until I was in my 30s, despite having gone to an all-boys school from ages 7-15), most of my friends have been women, comfortable wearing women’s clothes, comfortable kissing men even though I’m mostly attracted to women, most of my partners have been lesbians (aside from me lol), etc. In the past, I did not find these things to conflict with my sense of being a man — I saw my identity as an extremely capacious category of man who hated stereotypical masculinity. At the same time, that fear/anxiety of being around men has always been there, and was so acute I would weep when I was younger. When I was younger my “male beauty ideals” were all androgynous or intensely femme men, or were masc presenting people who would (interestingly) later come out as trans. And I’ve always had a very intense body hatred/body dysmorphia which I even used to analogize to gender dysphoria, but saw as categorically different (primarily about my weight & also just seeing my body as inherently wrong or not mine).

But in the last few years that category of “man” has begun to feel constricting, perhaps it’s NOT a capacious category but something I’ve been limiting myself with. What’s really been expediting things has been the realization of how much gender envy I’ve always had — how much my attraction to women is a desire to look like them. I in fact have always talked about this openly, have been very comfortable being like “god she’s so hot, I want her and GOD if only I looked like that,” but again it always seemed sort of compatible with my being a man. Somewhere in the last 6 months something shifted, where I realized, well, “if you want to look like that…you could.” And ever since then I’ve been tumbling down & recovering old memories and looking at everything in a new light. At the very least it’s clear to me that I’m some flavor of genderqueer/non-binary/genderfluid — but somehow that doesn’t feel like enough, and I really chafe against the idea of suddenly just claiming that identity & having nothing to really show for it.

And then I think “well, I must be a woman then” and then I feel profoundly confused. I’m terrified of HRT — only because I’m afraid of the effects on my genitals & libido, interestingly. Terrified of atrophy & not being able to get as hard, etc. If those could be avoided I think I would absolutely get on HRT. That terror then makes me doubt again — when at the same time I’m looking into laser for my facial hair.

I don’t know, I know this post is all a mess, I just feel so lost. And so scared of being wrong. And in some ways scared of losing being a man; if anything because my socialization as a man feels so hard won — ie if it took me 31 years to become comfortable with masculinity and feel OK with other men, am I really ready to lose that? Can’t I just be NB? Why does that feel like a cop out when I know it’s not? Why doesn’t that feel like freedom and why am I so scared of “getting it wrong”?

Would love any thoughts. Would love someone to just tell me I’m trans or not lmao.

I tried to come out today to my best friend, a trans woman, and it was one of the worst conversations of my life. As violent and abusive as if I had come out to a transphobic family member. Somehow was told I was not trans enough. There was no one else I thought I could trust to talk about this with so openly. Made me want to flush everything I’ve been working through down the toilet, like I’m an idiot. Feel really heartbroken and brutalized, and just looking for some support somewhere.

I’m a genderfluid AMAB, just at the beginning of trying to present less/not masc. And I looove the low-waisted ‘boyfriend jean’ look women can pull off. But every time I try I end up looking…well, like the boyfriend. Any tips?

I’m 36 and over the last year or two I’ve been finally waking up to the reality that feelings I’ve experienced my entire life are gender-related / dysphoria. I’m AMAB, and if I were to identify as anything now, it would be genderqueer. But I keep wondering if I’m a trans woman, keep pushing that question…

I have never in my life been able to understand how someone could be attracted to men. The male body repulsed me from a young age, it always seemed sort of alien to me. I mostly related to my own body as if it was simultaneously genderless and not mine, didn’t see it as the same “thing” as other men. I went to an all boys school for all of my childhood, and aside from the intense social alienation, the sense of physical difference from the other boys was intense. I think, hilariously, for most of my life I felt this repulsion at mens’ bodies just meant I was straight lol.

As I started realizing that so much of my attraction to women fell on a spectrum of a desire to be with them and a desire to look like them, I’ve been re-examining this. Part of me now wonders if it is a sign I’m trans? Is this common? Was it a sign for anyone else?

Interestingly I don’t feel explicitly gendered revulsion at my own body. I’ve had extreme body dysmorphia / body image issues my entire life, lots of body hatred, but it doesn’t consciously take the form of gender dysphoria (e.g. my having a beard or a mustache doesn’t cause me revulsion, a lack of primary or secondary sex characteristics doesn’t cause me pain, etc.).

I’m 36 and over the last year or two I’ve been finally waking up to the reality that feelings I’ve experienced my entire life are gender-related / dysphoria. I’m AMAB, and if I were to identify as anything now, it would be genderqueer. But I keep wondering if I’m a trans woman, keep pushing that question…

I have never in my life been able to understand how someone could be attracted to men. The male body repulsed me from a young age, it always seemed sort of alien to me. I mostly related to my own body as if it was simultaneously genderless and not mine, didn’t see it as the same “thing” as other men. I went to an all boys school for all of my childhood, and aside from the intense social alienation, the sense of physical difference from the other boys was intense. I think, hilariously, for most of my life I felt this repulsion at mens’ bodies just meant I was straight lol.

As I started realizing that so much of my attraction to women fell on a spectrum of a desire to be with them and a desire to look like them, I’ve been re-examining this. Part of me now wonders if it is a sign I’m trans? Is this common? Was it a sign for anyone else?

Interestingly I don’t feel explicitly gendered revulsion at my own body. I’ve had extreme body dysmorphia / body image issues my entire life, lots of body hatred, but it doesn’t consciously take the form of gender dysphoria (e.g. my having a beard or a mustache doesn’t cause me revulsion, a lack of primary or secondary sex characteristics doesn’t cause me pain, etc.).

I’ve ridden for a long time but only somewhat recently got the chopper bug. Here’s the issue: 1. I’m 36 and don’t think my back can do a hardtail these days, 2. I know nothing about fabrication and don’t have the means, tools, and moreover 3. I would love to learn myself, but I’m also in NYC and don’t have a garage I can really work in.

There are a ton of post-2020 Iron 1200s out there that I’m eyeing. I know all the electronics are a problem, but given that I’m not really chopping it, what customization changes can I make? Tank lift and switch out the tank? Extend the rake? Switch out handlebars? Would love any thoughts!

My business’ logo is in Isolde italic, and I’m looking for a good sans serif font to pair with it for our website and digital publications, as well as print publications. I’ve been playing with Founders Grotesk and like it, but would love other recommendations!