She's had this orchid for more than 7 years now and somehow, despite all the damage she has received, she's still going strong with beautiful flowers! This orchid has taken many falls in her life and yet still has the richest set of flowers. My orchid is definitely nothing compared to this monster!! :D
I'm not doing it often or deep so why should I stop? It gives me quick relief and helps me. Yes, I'm worried it'll turn into an addiction but I also don't want to force myself to stop or stay clean. I want to keep it as an option of sorts.
Even after everything that I've confessed, each time feeling like that's the last thing and that after I confess that I'll be able to move on, it's still not enough. I took something my school counselor said and twisted it and now I feel like I need to confess more stuff, but I obviously don't want to and I'm so done with this. I don't want to live my life constantly confessing and I want to move on, but I feel like I can't until she knows EVERYTHING and we've discussed EVERYTHING. And she literally told me today that I WILL remember more things from my past and I WILL remember more details but that I should try to think about the bigger picture. But this is different. That was all about the past and this is all about the present. And I thought I was okay but I don't think I am. God, now I'm thinking about another thing and I seriously don't know what to do. I really don't want to confess again - it's exhausting and scary every time, but it feels like the only way and we only have one more meeting to talk before the schoolyear ends. Please, please, please help. Idk what to do. I should be studying, I should be going to sleep but instead I'm scared and writing here as a last resort for comfort. I'm not even diagnosed and haven't brought up my suspicions of ocd to my school counselor but idk what to do. Please, someone help.
The thing I'm worried about now isn't new. In fact, I've worried about it before but it didn't last for long. But I've noticed that whenever I get worried about something, I get stuck. Like, I can't really do anything. All I really do is stay on my phone to try and distract myself. My school counselor has recommended doing other things to distract myself, such as reading or other fun things, but when I'm worried it feels like I would be ruining those things if I did them. And it just feels like I'm stuck. Stuck in a sticky substance and can't get out of it. Like I can't stop thinking about it. Or more like I can but I don't want to let myself do so for whatever reason. I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling, so I guess I'm just hoping someone here gets it and maybe has some advice on what to do, because I should be studying for an exam and I wanted to do so many things today but now I'm just...stuck.
P. S. This is a bit weird, because when the anxiety started during summer I did everything I could most of the time to distract myself. But now I feel so hopeless every time this happens. Every time it feels like that's the time I won't recover, the time it won't get better and the ACTUAL worst things (even when I know that's not true).
The thing I'm worried about now isn't new. In fact, I've worried about it before but it didn't last for long. But I've noticed that whenever I get worried about something, I get stuck. Like, I can't really do anything. All I really do is stay on my phone to try and distract myself. My school counselor has recommended doing other things to distract myself, such as reading or other fun things, but when I'm worried it feels like I would be ruining those things if I did them. And it just feels like I'm stuck. Stuck in a sticky substance and can't get out of it. Like I can't stop thinking about it. Or more like I can but I don't want to let myself do so for whatever reason. I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling, so I guess I'm just hoping someone here gets it and maybe has some advice on what to do, because I should be studying for an exam and I wanted to do so many things today but now I'm just...stuck.
P. S. This is a bit weird, because when the anxiety started during summer I did everything I could most of the time to distract myself. But now I feel so hopeless every time this happens. Every time it feels like that's the time I won't recover, the time it won't get better and the ACTUAL worst things (even when I know that's not true).
I've confessed things to my school counselor (from now on referred SC). First I write a really long letter about everything and thought that that would be it. But soon I remembered more stuff and then had to confess that in a nother letter. Now another thing has been on my mind and it's absolutely horrifying to tell her but I've written another letter to her about it and will be giving it to her today. But it's not enough! I thought this would be that one last thing. The worst things to confess and if she still believes in not what I fear I am then I can move on. But of course now something new has come to mind and feels horrifying to confess and I don't want to talk about it or confess it (also because I don't even fully remember the thing I'm worried about), but I know that if I don't confess I won't be able to move on. I feel a bit sick and like I'm not allowed to move on from this worry without confessing it. I truly don't know what to do anymore.
I truly don't know why but I get so pissed off. I just noticed that a person I'm in the same vocal group with has what look to be self harm scars/Marks on her wrist and I feel angry. Idk why. I'm honestly worried about what it says about me. Because I selfharm too and I know how bad it is. But whenever someone I know irl does something that hints to me that they're not doing well or are self harming it for some reason makes me really annoyed/pissed off. And I truly don't know why. If it happens online I'm worried for that person. If it happens irl I'm angry. I almost feel like "it's my thing and noone else should be doing it". I'm not sure how to explain what I'm feeling or thinking. Weird thing is tho that when I noticed some Marks on my best friends arm I got really really really scared to the point I couldn't sleep. But she's fine. However with this girl I feel so angry.
I'm not sure how to describe what I'm looking for but I'll try. I really like creepy, eerie and spooky books. Not the kind of modern horror that's all about action, gore and basically plays out like a horror movie. I don't mind them as well but I really love books that feel "off". Best example I could give is scary folklore/legends. As a book I would say I'm looking for something that has a similar horror vibe to "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children". I know it's a children's book but something a bit more grown up would be perfect. I guess I'm looking for a book that makes you just a little uncomfortable, creeped out and paranoid. Like a horror story you would tell by a campfire, in the woods. But more eerie. Idk, I hope someone gets what I mean because it feels impossible to actually explain my thoughts 😭
Edit: This might sound a bit corny, but thank you all so much for the wonderful recommendations! I honestly thought this post wouldn't get any recognition but here we are! I'll take a look at all these books and see what I can get in my country (we don't have the biggest selection of English books here so some of these books I'll have to just add to my TBR for now).
I've only added one photo bc I don't know hot to add more.
My mom keeps telling me (16f) to put hand cream on my hands because the skin is so dry, or else it'll cause permanent problems. Is that true? And are they really that bad? I mean, yea, I should put on hand cream but it usually doesn't seem that bad for me to actually take the time and momentary discomfort to do it.
I've had hands that easily get dry for years now. I'm not sure why. I think it started a few years ago after a winter where kept forgetting to wear gloves. I also had a phase where I'd wash my hands a lot. Ever since then my hands have gotten dry really easily. Anytime it gets colder outside they get dry and then I neglect putting on hand cream so they just get worse.
But can this even cause actual damage? I mean, except for the broken skin and occasional blood, is it really that bad? I'll try to put on more hand cream but my mom keeps getting actually worries whenever she sees my hands and I just don't get why.