u/OneMoreShotatLife

I’m curious.

Have anyone had experiences where they do get pretty good amount of matches on dating apps, girls are happy you ask them out for first dates, but somehow you’re just not attracted to them (or don’t feel that “spark”) after the date. And this whole thing repeats..

How do you handle such kind of “fatigue” and keep going?

The issue here is not that you don’t get matches , but you just can’t seem to find the “right” one loosely speaking

Or, is this just the way it should be??

Mid 30s guy navigating online dating life

I’m curious.

Have anyone had experiences where they do get pretty good amount of matches on dating apps, girls are happy you ask them out for first dates, but somehow you’re just not attracted to them (or don’t feel that “spark”) after the date. And this whole thing repeats..

How do you handle such kind of “fatigue” and keep going?

The issue here is not that you don’t get matches , but you just can’t seem to find the “right” one loosely speaking

Mid 30s guy navigating online dating life

To guys with dating experiences:

(1) Is it normally a “hell yeah” I want to see her again a second time? Could be due to physical attraction.

Or

(2) I’m not sure how I feel about her yet, so I will need to ask her out again to see how it goes?

For me I think I am (1) - I need to be sure I want to see her again. If I am not sure, then it’s likely I am not so interested in her.

So I am wondering which is more common, and which should it be when it comes to dating approach?

I am in my mid 30s if it matters

So I do get decent number of matches on the apps. So far, the ones that i went on dates with seem to fancy me.

My issue is:

I tend to chat with them on the app for 1-2 weeks before asking them out. On chats, we get along well and laugh etc. And so that’s why they agree when I ask them out.

What seem to “bother” me is, if I do not feel that she is a potential after the first date, wouldn’t it be very abrupt for me to suddenly drop a “I don’t feel a spark with you” kind of message after that date? I feel bad to do so?

OR is this just how online dating works, and I am overthinking?

Could it be I am a people pleaser, or I don’t like the idea of rejecting people?

Sorry might not be typing very coherently but hope you get my point.

Guy in his mid 30s navigating dating life

So I met her for coffee. I was 12 mins late (I gave her heads up and apologised) and she said no worries. She waited for me outside the cafe as she said it was cold inside.

Anyway, we spent about 1.5 hours at the cafe chatting casually (I am not sure how to keep it to a short 30 mins coffee date, because how would that give me a sense of that person but this can be post for another day?)

I then decided we were done (felt abit bored and had nothing more to chat at that time) and called for the bill. Finally, as we walked out, I just said it was nice meeting and we both headed our own ways. I thought she could tell from this I may not be interested. No further chats.

This was Saturday noon.

Today (Tuesday night) - she messaged me on the app to simply say “Thanks for getting coffee!”

What do you think? And maybe, what should I reply.

Also, I made a separate thread previously saying I felt this first date was a 6.5 / 10 for me.

So I met her for coffee. I was 12 mins late (I gave her heads up and apologised) and she said no worries. She waited for me outside the cafe as she said it was cold inside.

Anyway, we spent about 1.5 hours at the cafe chatting casually (I am not sure how to keep it to a short 30 mins coffee date, because how would that give me a sense of that person but this can be post for another day?)

I then decided we were done (felt abit bored and had nothing more to chat at that time) and called for the bill. Finally, as we walked out, I just said it was nice meeting and we both headed our own ways. I thought she could tell from this I may not be interested. No further chats.

This was Saturday noon.

Today (Tuesday night) - she messaged me on the app to simply say “Thanks for getting coffee!”

What do you think? And maybe, what should I reply.

Also, I made a separate thread previously saying I felt this first date was a 6.5 / 10 for me.

Per topic. I am curious on what the general consensus is.

At the end of the day, are we entitled to our own preference?

Is this “moral” dilemma that I have warranted, or is it a non issue?

Why is it I find it hard to pluck up the courage to tell those I match on dating apps that I’m a divorcee.

I get pretty decent amount of matches (average 5 a day). I feel they will like me if we go on dates, both looks and personality.

Yet I think what bothers me is, I’m not sure WHEN to tell them (during chatting stage or first meet up). And I don’t like dealing with follow up questions on chat at least on: what happened; how long was I married etc. Nothing to hide, but it feels “heavy” to go through that with a stranger that I just matched?

I’m 34 M. No kid and no housing issue and just keen to find love again.

Do help me out here. I generally have high self esteem but why do I find this difficult to navigate? And how can I overcome this.

EDIT: For context, I am from Asia. So likely cultural differences on this topic

If there’s a woman you really like, is there any harm when you confess early (eg maybe 4-5 dates later)?

And by confession, I mean: hey I really like spending time with you. Not I love you.

I’m just thinking. Because it seems that some women tend to “pull back” the moment you confess? Maybe psychologically they feel they’ve got control over you and now you’re not worthy of them. Is this possible? Or should such women be avoided?

For context, im referring to dating as a mid 30s guy. This is not some high school dating

I’m 34 male, recent divorcee living in Asia. No kids/housing issue. Ready to date and find love again.

Frankly I’ve no issues getting decent amount of matches on dating apps.

I just struggle to find the “right” time to tell my matches about my status. It feels weird to tell them right at the start of our chat, but I also don’t know when to mention it when I feel there is some initial connection while chatting, or should I mention during our first meet up.

What’s wrong with me really.. Is it subconsciously a fear or rejection (which I would expect would be a dealbreaker to some). Would be helpful to get advice or tips from those with experience or insights to share. TIA

I’m 34 male, recent divorcee. No kids/housing issue. Ready to date and find love again.

Frankly I’ve no issues getting decent amount of matches on dating apps.

I just struggle to find the “right” time to tell my matches about my status. It feels weird to tell them right at the start of our chat, but I also don’t know when to mention it when I feel there is some initial connection while chatting, or should I mention during our first meet up.

What’s wrong with me really.. Is it subconsciously a fear of rejection? (which I would expect will be dealbreaker to some). Would be helpful to get advice or tips from those with experience or insights to share. TIA