u/Ordinary_Put_6232

Im always spiraling about food and calories. I want to be normal, i want to not count calories, but whenever i think about food "out of time" i feel guilty asl and broken. For example, i have this fear of thinking about breakfast first thing when I wake up, because that ill mean im obsessed with food and ill never have peace, and so that's EXACTLY what ends up happening. I want to have a better relationship with food without counting calories but its not being easy at all. I spend all day thinking about food and its not even about "ohh Im craving this and that" its more like "i wish i were normal, Im scared of losing control, i want my life back, if I dont count calories ill lose control". I feel so alone, probably no one else feels this way, as my brain oftenly finds really weird and confusing ways of ruinning my life.

I sometimes binge because Im really anxious about food and dont know what to do. Of course, that only makes me feel guilty after.

I dont like IE because it sounds exhausting to always be in check with your body "how are we feeling" and i cant always do that. For example, i can be famished like shaking from how starved I feel, then i eat three bites and physical hunger is gone, but I dont feel satisfied yk.

Im just really tired and starting to lose faith.

I cant really explain how my brain works in terms of food and after months of trying, this is the best ive come up with. If you found any faulty logic in my line of thought that leads me to this obsession or have any observation that might be helpful, PLEASE SHARE. Im desperate here, ok?

IDK yall but compared to my family members I eat A LOT.

For example my younger sister wakes up at 2pm stays two hours awake playing videogames on her pc, eats a bowl of cereal and then nothing until dinner which consists of a very small portion, like one chicken leg and 3-4 spoons of rice. As she stays awake until 3am she may have a couple of cookies, id say 5-6 max (like oreos). BRO HOW ARE YOU NOT STARVING?? And she eats so slowly. And dont give me the intuitive eating bullshit I once tried to eat the same as her for dinner, even ate a little more and spent the next two hours feeling hungry asl. I just dont get how ppl can eat lets say a banana or even nothing for breakfast and call it a day. How arent you famished?? Do you not have hunger cues? I feel so guilty for this. And it drives my brain nuts, cuz everytime I feel like eating it feels like Im failling. Maybe Im just greedy asl.

IDK yall but compared to my family members I eat A LOT.

For example my younger sister wakes up at 2pm stays two hours awake playing videogames on her pc, eats a bowl of cereal and then nothing until dinner which consists of a very small portion, like one chicken leg and 3-4 spoons of rice. As she stays awake until 3am she may have a couple of cookies, id say 5-6 max (like oreos). BRO HOW ARE YOU NOT STARVING?? And she eats so slowly. And dont give me the intuitive eating bullshit I once tried to eat the same as her for dinner, even ate a little more and spent the next two hours feeling hungry asl. I just dont get how ppl can eat lets say a banana or even nothing for breakfast and call it a day. How arent you famished?? Do you not have hunger cues? I feel so guilty for this. And it drives my brain nuts, cuz everytime I feel like eating it feels like Im failling. Maybe Im just greedy asl.

Hey, so I'm actually going insane. My brain doesnt shut up at all and ive tried everything but this voice only keeps growing louder.

I dont want to count calories because that is absolutely exhausting but I also dont know when Im hungry because ive been so out of tune with my body for so many years that i just dont know when am I supposed to eat anymore. "Just eat when your hungry" well, that only leads me to spend every waking second analysing my hunger cues "am I hungry?" "Arent I supposed to be hungry rn?" "I want to have breakfast but im not hungry". My brain craves food when my body doesnt. Its so annoying and destructing. I wish I were normal around food, those who are dont know how lucky they are.

I cant study or really focus on anything because my brain is stuck in this spiral. And ive been feeding myself properly, more than properly I should say, but this monster keeps ocupying every blank space of tranquility and calmness in my mind. Im not okay at all. When I start eating I just cant stop. I cant read my bodys needs at all. Please help me. If you have any advice, please say it. Im scared it will be like this forever. I cant live like this for the rest of my life, i really cant. I have no space left in my head to do the things I like. To catch up with my friends. Im just fucked up. I think I may have ocd or something cuz Im just going insane over something as simple as food. Its ridiculous.