u/Orion-Stellar

I hate this so much why do l make so many mistakes why do people around here hate me for it and get all pissy no matter what do they can't understand they don't want to understand just because im not exactly like them they treat me coldly for one little accident and mistake fuck this place fuck all these assholes fuck my life I didn't ask to be born the way I was my roommate is a self centered piece of dismissive shit along with all the other pieces of shit I deal with every day all I have to do is exist in front of these fucking people help get me out of this fuckass society I can't mask im scared I'm not a fucking threat im not some fucking asshole like they see me to be I hate being autistic I hate being here and not being able to fit in I hate my life as it is they all fucking hate me for no fucking reason I hate this fucking town and the shitty people

I can't mask fully no matter what, I didn't grow up where I live and I have no choice but work the job I work in because it's super hard to get a job due to the market being bad, people not wanting to hire me, and I don't have a college degree

it seems no matter what I do, people simply dislike me for existing in their presence... I don't do anything wrong and am as nice and genuine as possible, and even then, I can't avoid looks of disgust and annoyance and even immediate hostility and being accused of being hostile when in fact they were hostile to me first.. which includes them yelling at me, calling me names, getting angrier at me if I make a mistake than if a coworker did, getting accused of coworkers' mistakes, etc.

there was an incident at work today where I was called a name and got falsely accused of "having an attitude" when it was the customers shit talking me and giving ME attitude. luckily my manager saw right through the BS and knew they were the problem.

even then, I'm feeling more and more unsafe where I live, I don't have any close local friends, don't even get me STARTED on my love life... I'm scared those customers will come back and try and hurt me, I'm afraid another incident will happen and it'll be more than false accusations and verbal assault...

it seems like no matter what I do, I can't avoid hostility of any level... I'm scared... I hate it here... these people make it clearer and clearer every day I'm not welcome and they're not my people... they hate anyone who's not exactly like them...

I can't afford to move because of various reasons... I'm stuck... and I'll always be an outsider and hated because of my autism and the horrendous social rules I can't follow to a T....