u/Otherwise_Sink3709

“I wish I could’ve lived a much more fulfilling life”

Is a thought that occurs to me late at night, in tandem with a wave of melancholy. Wrong decisions led to another, and consequences soon started showing. Not to mention, seeing others use their forte’s to the fullest potential puts salt to the wound.

Meanwhile, I’m just here, laying down lifeless in ambition. Ensnared by the usual demons that whisper to do high dopamine activities as a way of escapism with my current responsibilities. As bad as it sounds, frankly, it isn’t coerced, rather all I feel is the lack of willpower to try.

I’m at this point in life where “trying to fail” and not even succeed isn’t a thing at all, because I’ve hardly tried anything new.

At my age, people have developed their physique, developed a solid routine, and somehow has something to strive for everyday. Well, I know they don’t got it all together as well but like, at least they got something going on you know.

As rex orange county stated “and I really should go to bed,” I will heed his advice.

That’s all, I guess. Just some random meaningless introspection. I’m someone who’s aware of his own debauchery yet unable to act to change anything at all, just constant despair and misery.