u/Over_Access_3371

can anyone pls drop pics from back of the pit i cannot see super well and am short on top of that. afraid i wont be able to see anything😭 their stage setup is new to me so i’m a tad nervous

My grandmother (86 - dementia/edema/diabetes/CHF) is going on 30 hours of not using the restroom. She has no POA, no care team, but we have had a hospice assessment and been told she is qualified. (I can’t do anything to get her care so I’m stuck on this aspect)

As of this post (1PM 7/4/26) the last time I assisted her to the restroom was 6:30AM on 7/3/26. She cannot usually go unassisted but has had days where she sneaks to the restroom without help. However, I cleaned her bathroom around noon yesterday and it has been CLEARLY untouched. She usually leaves a huge mess or at the very least an un-flushed toilet so I am 99.999999% sure it’s been at least 24 hours but closer to 30 since I don’t think she went again prior to my cleaning.

I’ve been trying to encourage her every couple of hours to go but she just gets defensive and says my partner helped her go last night so she’s fine. The instance she’s remembering is several days ago.

The last time she didn’t go she was in extreme pain when she finally DID go around the 16 hr mark so I cannot imagine what doubling that will do.

She wears diapers but usually they are clean or just have minor incontinence. She usually refuses to go anywhere but a toilet and doesn’t believe that she has any issues at all.

On top of that, during our argument about when the last time she had gone, she asked what day Relative #1 and Relative # 2 had come to visit, probably to try to jog a memory of the last time she went. I didn’t even recognize the names but we DID have visitors last weekend so I thought maybe she just was confused about who was here. Asked my dad and they are deceased family members from 15+ years ago.

I know the end is near but oh my god how does this get any worse?

Edit: Also should mention grandma has mentioned she does not want medical care to delay her death and that she’s basically just waiting for it at this point. Another reason she refuses care and would never sign a POA. She knows we are all eager to help so she purposefully “hides” symptoms and does not ask for help. The same happens when we’ve had paramedics and the hospice RN come in, she acts fine and then flips out on us to the point of exhaustion/sleeping for days.

Edit #2: She finally peed… 36+ hours later. She did 3 full pees. One in her diaper on the way to the bathroom (it was HOT so I know it was fresh), a full pee in the toilet, then another full pee after sitting there for 5+ minutes. I’m equally as impressed and horrified.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/hospice/s/RiqPaWWFYq

My grandma’s hospice assessment went so well! Though she was extremely resistant the entire time, she ended up liking the RN who did the assessment. They did end up qualifying her and letting us know she is at extreme risk of Sepsis/Septic Shock. I already figured this and am nervous as her POA has decided not to move forward as Grandma isn’t comfortable enough with allowing nurses to touch her yet, etc. We had a long talk with grandma after the appointment and she finally admitted she does not want any intervention, even hospice, as she’s afraid it will delay her death.

In the past when we’ve had appointments or confrontations about her health, she fixates on it for days and her irritability sticks around for a while. She hasn’t spoken almost at all since the appointment and screamed at the RN that her family must not love her if we subject her to appointments like these. I’m afraid she is in more pain than she is letting on though. The couple of time she has spoken, she sounds like she’s been crying or at the very least in extreme pain/discomfort.

At this point, I’m trying to keep her comfortable and supported, physically and mentally. Her urine output is decreasing, she can barely speak, she throws up every time she eats, she sleeps 23+ hours a day, her heartbeat is irregular, and she can hardly stand. I’m confident she may already be in Sepsis heading toward Septic Shock.

If anyone has any experience with Sepsis/Septic Shock, what can I look for as a symptom that may be different from all her current symptoms that also align with her CHF, TBI, & Diabetes?

Posted in here a couple of days ago and happy to report we are finally getting my grandmother (86) a hospice assessment. We believe she has Stage 6 Dementia along with her TBI, CHF, Diabetes, Weeping Edema, etc. She hasn’t seen a PCP since pre-covid and is now homebound, but we were able to find an MD connected to a hospice/home health agency able to come out and assess this week.

Nervous since it turns out my dad does not have POA, just a living trust- which to my understanding does nothing as long as she’s not diagnosed? We are afraid she will refuse care like she did the last time we called 911.

What should we expect? She is absolutely against all medical care, so we are already keeping this assessment a secret from her, which the agency said they could be discreet about as to not agitate her.

Any advice or experience stories welcome!

Hellooo this is my first time posting here but coming from the r/dementia side of things. I (23F) am caring for my grandmother (86) and though she has no medical care team, we believe she is hospice level ill.

She has untreated Diabetes, Congestive Heart Failure, Weeping Edema, a TBI, and most recently is developing a sore throat/ear ache, constant fevering and chills, as well as vomiting.

Although she has probable Dementia, she absolutely refuses care due to her several long term stays (for TBI and other accidents) in her youth. Her POA wishes to respect her wishes to pass at home, but it is SO hard to watch someone be in pain.

In March we called 911 in hopes they would admit her (her BP was something like 60/40) but refused to take her and said we’d have to have the local police dept drag her out against her will and it would be ugly. She is taller than me and 350+ lbs, so forcing her to do things is not easy.

By the day she is getting weaker, can no longer get up without assistance, leans so hard while walking with her Roloder that she is scratching the wall the entire way, has non-stop incontinence (and her pee is DARK brown most days) and is beginning to decline food and water most days.

Where we live it was 103 degrees today but even with blankets on and no fever she was too chilled to have the A/C on so the house got up to 90 degrees.

I’m afraid it will be any day now, and wish we could get at the very least a hospice assessment, but she is so resistant and paranoid I don’t even think she’d let them finish the assessment. She perks up and manages to pretend to be okay when my parents or medical professionals are around and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Her very first symptoms started in 2021 but since a bad fall about 16 months ago she’s gone steadily downhill and gotten more and more combative the longer we go.

She is a fighter and has always defied medical odds. Her worst TBI left her in a coma for 30+ days where the doctors told her parents they better hope she dies bc she’d never walk, talk, or be able to be independent ever in her life. She did it all.

I love her and wish she would get help, but feel like all she’ll let me do is watch. How long do you think I have with her?

I know there’s a TON of posts like this and that there’s no way to know, but I think my grandmother (86) is in her final days. She’s been fevering around 102/throwing up every other day or so, when earlier this year it was only once a week. She’s been having a lot of mucus/coughing/raspy voice, she’s only able to eat soups or soft food, if she eats anything else she begins to choke. She’s been declining food most of the time, went from eating meals every 3-4 hours to being lucky if she eats once every 24 hours. She has weeping Edema that is worsening every day, incontinence that is worsening every day, and balance that is worsening every day. She went from being able to walk to and from the bathroom just out of breath to sometimes now needing a sit break before she returns. She usually has extremely high BP with both numbers in the mid/high 100s, but as of late it’s either perfect 120/80 or dramatically low like 60/40. She doesn’t have any care team and refuses to go, she’s 300+ lbs so it’s not like I can force her. During the last week she’s been sleeping around 22+ hours a day and no longer wakes up to smaller noises like she used to.

In your opinion, are we nearing the end?

Edit: Her earliest symptoms started in 2020, so I estimate we are somewhere between year 4-6. But she also has a TBI from early teenage-hood which doesn’t help. We also suspect she has Congestive Heart Failure as it runs in her family. She ALSO has untreated diabetes. I’m surprised she’s lasted this long.

2nd edit: I forgot to add she’s also gone up 1-2 pant sizes just in the last month or so. We had to buy her a complete new set of clothes/diaper size bc she’s so swollen from the fluid retention I’m assuming. Her hands also swelled up twice their size but have since gone back down.