30F dealing with severe endometriosis and a distant, emotionally unavailable husband. I feel trapped and completely lost.
I am a 30F, married, and I honestly never expected my life to turn out like this. I am dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress, health issues, and marriage problems all at once, and I have absolutely no one to talk to in real life because I don’t want to hurt or burden my family.
My father did everything for me. He threw a grand wedding and made sure I am financially secure for the future. Before marriage, I had never been in a relationship. My husband, on the other hand, had a past and was physically intimate with multiple women.
Even during our engagement, he was incredibly distant. He never called me and rarely messaged me, doing only the bare minimum out of formality. I have been under continuous stress since the very day we got engaged.
The Health Crisis:
Right after the wedding, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, a chronic and incredibly painful disease. My in-laws accused my family and me of hiding the illness from them. The truth is, I had no idea. If I had known about this diagnosis before the wedding, I would have never gotten married, because I would never want to ruin a partner's life.
The Issues with My Husband:
While I am trying to fight this chronic illness, my marriage is falling apart behind closed doors:
The Ex & Transparency: I caught him staying in touch with his ex-girlfriend after our marriage. He hides things constantly. Just recently, I caught him smoking behind my back when I came office.
Lack of Emotion: He has zero emotional connection with me. If I try to share my feelings or vulnerability, he turns it around and blames me. He gives 100% of his effort to his own parents and family. He genuinely believes only his parents have his best interests at heart.
He seems openly jealous of my family. He never addresses grievances or complaints directly to my face; instead, he complains about my "deeds" behind my back to his friends.
Disrespect: When we are out together and he is sitting right next to me, he constantly stares and glances at other attractive girls. It hurts me deeply. I’ve stayed silent because I tell myself I shouldn't try to control him and that he has his own life, but it ruins my self-esteem.
Complete Disconnect: Whenever I go to stay at my mother’s house, he completely ignores me. He never calls.
My Dilemma:
Despite all of this, I love him deeply. I try my absolute best to be a good wife. On his days off, I make his favorite dishes just to see him happy. I want so badly to express how much I love him, but there is a wall up. I expect the same love and transparency in return, but I get nothing.
It is incredibly frustrating, exhausting, and disgusting to live like this. Dealing with a severe chronic illness while simultaneously feeling abandoned by my partner is breaking me. I think about distancing myself.
I am terrified of the future and how I will survive this.
I can't tell my parents because they have already sacrificed and done so much for me. Seeing me like this would break their hearts.
What do I even do? How do I handle a husband who refuses to see me, value me, or open up to me?
Any advice or perspective would be deeply appreciated.
TL;DR: Newly married to a deeply distant husband who lacks transparency, hides habits, looks at other girls in front of me. I caught him talking to his ex, and he blames me when I express feelings. I’m also dealing with a new chronic illness diagnosis alone.