Virat Kohli officially joins Goneri Gooners after clearing mandatory 4-hour edging session
▲ 258 r/CricketShitpost+1 crossposts

Virat Kohli officially joins Goneri Gooners after clearing mandatory 4-hour edging session

His contract reportedly contains several unique performance clauses, specially negotiated after the Goneri Gooners of Goner, Rajasthan concluded that no active cricketer better represents the franchise philosophy of sustained buildup, frustrated release and completely disproportionate rage.

• One Australian must be available for screaming purposes at all times. Substitute Australians may be provided during rain delays, injury breaks or sudden drops in Virat’s blood pressure.

• Every opposition youngster will receive the traditional Goner welcome: prolonged eye contact followed by the expression of a man who has just discovered that a 22-year-old bowler has personally dishonoured seven generations of his family.

• Umpire decisions involving Kohli will be reviewed under the new Impotent Rage Protocol, where increasingly theatrical disbelief is encouraged even when absolutely nothing can be done about the decision.

• The club has purchased additional stump microphones, although broadcasters have been advised to maintain a seven-second delay whenever Virat begins a sentence with “Ben…”

• The sports science department will closely monitor his workload to ensure he never runs dangerously low on completely avoidable grievances.

• One annual Gautam Gambhir interaction has been included in the fixture list under Heritage Events, preserving an important North Indian tradition of two grown men discovering that eye contact is an act of war.

• Players are forbidden from telling Virat to “calm down.” Goneri’s medical department found that this can convert ordinary irritation into a five-minute masterclass in aggressive pointing.

• Any bowler celebrating his wicket within a 25-metre radius automatically triggers Article 18: Who The Fuck Do You Think You Are Protocol, regardless of whether Kohli himself has spent the previous six overs celebrating singles like regime change.

• Match referees have been issued protective eyewear for post-decision eye contact and instructed never to ask, “Why are you getting so angry?” unless they have twenty minutes free.

The Gooners’ Director of Cricket called him an obvious cultural fit:

“Virat can adapt to any situation. Chasing 220, defending 150, powerplay, middle overs, already dismissed, sitting in the dugout. Whatever the match demands, he has the experience to look needlessly furious about it.”

u/Particular-Sock875 — 1 day ago

HATE MAHINDRA DEALERS TO MY CORE

Rant Incoming

We used to have a Mahindra Bolero back when the Scorpio hadn’t even launched, and one thing that has remained remarkably consistent over the years is how rude Mahindra dealers can be, along with the scummy sales tactics they use.

Around 2015–16, when we were replacing that car and eventually bought a Renault Duster, we first went to our nearest Mahindra dealer. The Scorpio was in huge demand at the time. We wanted a mid-level variant, but the dealer told us it would have at least a seven-month waiting period, and even then they couldn’t confirm when delivery would actually happen.

However, if we bought the top model and paid a huge booking amount, they could magically give us the car within a week.

For someone buying a primary family car, that is an extremely precarious situation. You have to figure out when to sell your existing car, arrange finances, plan around delivery, etc., and they couldn’t even give us a tentative timeline unless we bought the variant they wanted to sell.

A few years later, we were looking for a secondary car and ended up at another Mahindra dealership. This time the salesman basically told us to look around the showroom ourselves and said, “If you like something, you can book it.” The sales staff then just left us unattended.

My father doesn’t really care that much about driving dynamics or enthusiast stuff. He cares about how he is treated when he is spending that kind of money. He received excellent treatment at both Nexa and Volkswagen.

We eventually bought a Taigun 1.5 GT, and the way the Volkswagen staff treated my father was genuinely one of the reasons we chose it.

Cut to a couple of years later. We sold our Renault Duster and bought a Tata Harrier. We’ve had it for about a year and a half now, and we hate how uncomfortable the ride and suspension are. The car genuinely leaves you fatigued after sitting in it for a couple of hours.

So we went back into the market, this time looking at the Mahindra XUV 7XO.

Because our experience with Tata’s QC hasn’t been great, and we’ve also heard plenty about Mahindra’s electronic QC issues, we specifically wanted a middle variant without all the fancy bells and whistles. Something that stuck to the basics and offered decent value.

This time, the Mahindra sales experience was probably the scummiest we’ve had yet.

The salesman again told us that if we wanted the top model, he could get us one within a week.

Any other variant?

We would have to pay the booking amount first, and he couldn’t even give us an approximate delivery date. He started throwing around timelines like “minimum one year to one and a half years.”

At that point it was pretty obvious that this guy desperately wanted to sell us the top model and nothing else. Fine. Then just say that.

Once he realised we weren’t desperate to buy a car and were actually looking for a good value proposition, he tried an even scummier tactic.

He told us that the Indian government was about to increase taxes on large ICE SUVs, so right now was basically our last opportunity to buy the car at a good price.

I immediately pulled out my phone and checked. There was no such bill being discussed in Parliament and no announcement resembling what he was claiming.

So I confronted him and asked why he was literally making up news about government taxation just to close a car sale.

That apparently hurt his ego.

He straight up told me:

“If you want to buy a car, this is the one I’m selling. If you don’t want to buy it, don’t waste my time.”

And that pretty much sums up my family’s experience with local Mahindra dealerships since 2004.

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u/Particular-Sock875 — 3 days ago
▲ 32 r/MechanicAdviceIndia+1 crossposts

Jawa 350 owners, how has your actual ownership experience been?

I’m seriously considering buying a Jawa 350 because I think it looks absolutely gorgeous.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the older 293cc iteration. I mean the newer 334cc Jawa 350 update.

What’s holding me back is Jawa/Yezdi’s reputation around product quality, servicing, spare parts, and the whole episode of Classic Legends taking legal action against an owner over negative posts.

That said, the 334cc Jawa 350 has been around for over two years now, so I’m assuming most of the early product niggles should have been ironed out by now.

The 4-year/50,000 km warranty, extendable up to 6 years, also gives me some confidence.

A lot of discussion online still seems to be repeating infamous incidents that have gone viral, so I’d really like to hear from actual owners, or people who personally know one.

How has the reliability, quality, service and parts availability been? Would you buy one again?

u/Particular-Sock875 — 7 days ago

Checklist for buying motorcycle riding gear in India

  1. Start With Four Questions

Before comparing brands or prices, ask:

  1. What kind of riding will I actually do? Daily commuting, highway touring, off-roading and track riding require different equipment.
  2. Will I wear this regularly? Heat, weight, stiffness and inconvenience can eventually make you avoid otherwise excellent gear.
  3. Does it fit correctly? Protective equipment works only when the garment and armour remain in position during a crash.
  4. What exactly has been certified? The garment, armour, helmet, gloves and boots are tested separately. Certification of one component does not automatically apply to the rest of the product.

2. Understanding Certification

Do not rely entirely on appearance, thickness, branding or marketing language. A fabric can look substantial and still offer poor abrasion resistance. A lightweight material can be highly protective.

Garment certification

Motorcycle jackets and pants may carry classifications such as:

  • B: Abrasion-resistant garment supplied without impact armour
  • A: Basic protective performance
  • AA: Higher abrasion protection suitable for substantial road use
  • AAA: Highest performance within this classification system

For regular road riding, consider AA-certified gear a reasonable practical target, particularly when ventilation and daily usability matter.

Armour certification

Armour is rated separately:

  • Level 1: Lighter and usually more comfortable
  • Level 2: Transmits less impact force, but can be thicker, heavier and warmer

A jacket advertised as having “CE Level 2 armour” may still have no certification for the jacket’s abrasion resistance.

Similarly, an AA-rated jacket may be sold without a back protector or chest armour. Check every component individually.

Gloves and boots

Gloves and boots have their own certifications. A CE-certified shoe establishes a minimum protective baseline, but certification alone does not tell you whether:

  • The stitching will last
  • The sole is durable
  • The product fits your feet
  • It will remain comfortable in Indian weather
  • Replacement parts or servicing are available

Certification is the starting point, not the entire purchase decision.

Buying a Helmet

A helmet is the first and most important piece of riding equipment.

3. Certification and helmet type

For India:

  • ISI certification, for legal compliance
  • ECE certification, as evidence of external testing

Confirm the latest legal and certification requirements before buying, since standards and enforcement can change.

Prefer full-face coverage

A full-face helmet protects the jaw and lower face in addition to the skull.

Open-face helmets leave a major part of the face exposed. Convenience, ventilation and appearance do not replace chin protection.

For a modular or flip-front helmet, check whether the chin bar itself has been tested and certified. Do not assume that every movable chin bar provides the same protection as a fixed full-face shell.

4. Fit matters more than the logo

A new helmet should fit tightly. The padding will loosen slightly as it compresses with use.

Look for the following:

  • The cheek pads should hold your cheeks firmly.
  • Your eyes should sit approximately in the centre of the eye port.
  • The helmet should not move independently when you move your head.
  • It should be tight without creating concentrated pressure points.
  • There should be no sharp pressure around the forehead, temples or ears.

Wear the helmet for a reasonable period before buying. A pressure point may not become obvious immediately, but can develop into a severe headache after several minutes.

Do not accept the wrong size simply because it is discounted or immediately available. A retailer that tries to force every customer into the same size is a red flag.

5. Weight versus balance

A lighter helmet is not automatically a better helmet.

What matters is how the helmet’s centre of gravity interacts with your head in the riding position. A slightly heavier but well-balanced helmet may feel easier on your neck than a lighter helmet with poor balance or aerodynamics.

Try moving your head naturally while wearing it. The helmet should not feel as though it is pulling your head forward, backward or sideways.

6. Shell material

Common shell constructions include:

  • ABS and other thermoplastics
  • Polycarbonate
  • Fibreglass
  • Composite fibres
  • Carbon fibre

Carbon fibre does not automatically make a helmet safer. The quality of the design, manufacturing process, energy absorption and testing matters more than the material name printed on the box.

A properly developed plastic or composite helmet may outperform a badly manufactured carbon-fibre product.

7. Retention system

A helmet must remain securely fastened during a crash.

Double-D ring

Consider a double-D-ring closure because:

  • It has no complicated moving mechanism
  • It provides a secure and continuously adjustable fit
  • It has fewer mechanical failure points

It may feel inconvenient initially, but becomes easy with practice.

Ratchet closure

A quality ratchet can still work, provided it is adjusted correctly.

Check that:

  • The strap sits firmly against the underside of your jaw.
  • You cannot pull the fastened strap over your chin.
  • The loose strap is not hanging significantly below your jaw.

A convenient closure becomes unsafe when left loose.

8. Visor quality and availability

Before buying, check:

  • Is the visor optically clear?
  • Does it distort your vision?
  • Is it easy to remove and replace?
  • Are replacement visors readily available?
  • Can you buy both clear and dark visors?
  • Are visors unreasonably expensive for that helmet?
  • Does the sealing bead close properly against rain?

Buy replacement visors while they are available. Availability can become difficult after a model is discontinued or the distributor changes.

Use a clear visor at night. A dark visor should be reserved for daylight.

A heavily scratched visor should be replaced because glare, rain and approaching headlights can make the scratches much more disruptive.

9. Avoid modifying the shell

Do not casually:

  • Wrap the helmet
  • Repaint it
  • Apply unknown adhesives
  • Drill holes
  • Fit decorative parts
  • Use harsh chemical cleaners

Some shell materials may react with adhesives, paints or solvents. Check the manufacturer’s manual to see whether the helmet is explicitly described as sticker-safe.

Use mild soap, water and a soft cloth for cleaning. Hardened dirt and insects can first be softened using a wet cloth or damp paper before being wiped away gently.

10. Helmet lifespan and care

  • Very inexpensive helmet: approximately two years
  • ECE- and ISI-certified mid-range helmet: approximately three to four years
  • Premium helmet: approximately five years

This is not a scientifically precise universal rule. Follow the helmet manufacturer’s instructions and replace it after a meaningful impact.

A helmet should also be protected from repeated knocks. Carrying it clipped to a bag while it bangs into walls, doors and furniture gradually mistreats the equipment that is supposed to protect your head.

Buying a Riding Jacket

11. Prioritise ventilation for Indian conditions

For most Indian riders, mesh is the most versatile starting point.

A mesh jacket can be combined with:

  • A synthetic base layer in hot weather
  • An insulating layer in cold weather
  • A rain layer during the monsoon
  • Multiple thin layers during winter touring

A thick “four-season” jacket may sound versatile but can become intolerable during hot and humid conditions.

A simple way to estimate airflow is to hold the jacket against a light source. More visible light through the mesh generally suggests greater airflow, although this does not indicate abrasion strength.

12. Inspect the impact zones

Pay particular attention to the material and construction around:

  • Shoulders
  • Elbows and forearms
  • Upper back
  • Outer arms
  • Chest
  • Side of the torso

These areas are more likely to contact the road.

Highly ventilated material can be used elsewhere, while impact zones should normally have stronger fabric, reinforcement or additional layers.

13. Inspect the stitching

The protective fabric is only useful while the garment remains intact.

Look for:

  • Reinforced seams in impact areas
  • Even stitching
  • No loose threads
  • No visible gaps
  • Strong attachment around armour pockets
  • Secure main zips and closures
  • No stitching placed directly where it will be heavily abraded

Expensive gear often improves through better stitching, refined fit, stronger closures and more carefully designed pockets rather than through one dramatic safety feature.

14. Check what armour is included

Do not assume every jacket includes:

  • A proper back protector
  • Chest armour
  • Level 2 armour
  • Full-sized armour
  • Adjustable armour pockets

Some jackets include only a thin foam placeholder in the back pocket.

For the back, prefer a substantial Level 2 protector. Chest armour is also desirable, although it can noticeably reduce ventilation.

Inspect older or heavily discounted gear for thick black rubber-like armour. Some older compounds can deteriorate and crumble in Indian heat and humidity. The jacket may still be usable, but the armour should be replaced.

15. Fit and armour position

The jacket should be snug enough to keep the shoulder, elbow and back armour in position.

While trying it on:

  • Sit in a riding posture.
  • Reach forward as though holding the handlebar.
  • Check whether the sleeves pull excessively.
  • Confirm the elbow armour remains over the elbow.
  • Check whether the collar, cuffs or armour create pressure points.
  • Confirm that you can operate all closures while wearing gloves.
  • Allow enough expansion room when the jacket is designed for an airbag.

A jacket that fits while standing may behave differently once you lean forward on the motorcycle.

Buying Riding Pants

16. Minimum protection areas

Look for:

  • Knee armour
  • Hip armour
  • Abrasion-resistant fabric
  • A system for holding the knee armour in place
  • Optional coccyx or tailbone protection
  • Adequate overlap with your boots

Knee protection is essential. Hip armour is strongly preferable because the hip commonly contacts the road after the hands and knees.

17. Ordinary denim offers little road protection

Normal cotton jeans should not be treated as motorcycle gear.

They may tear or disappear rapidly during a tarmac slide. Strap-on knee guards can protect the covered area from impact, but the remaining skin still has little abrasion protection.

Motorcycle-specific jeans can use stronger fibres, liners and armour. However, many of them:

  • Heavier
  • Hotter
  • Less breathable
  • Slower to dry
  • Less comfortable than technical mesh or textile pants

Certified riding jeans remain an option when casual appearance is important, but compare them directly with technical riding pants before deciding.

18. Be careful with off-road pants

Many motocross or off-road pants are designed to be worn over separate body armour. They may provide:

  • Mobility
  • Ventilation
  • Grip against the motorcycle
  • Space for knee braces and large boots

They may not provide meaningful road-abrasion protection or built-in armour.

A cheap motocross pant is not automatically a cheap road-riding pant. Check whether it is merely an outer shell intended to cover separate protective equipment.

19. Match the pants to the boots

When sitting on the motorcycle, check the complete protective line from your toes to above your knees.

Ideally:

  • The boot protects the shin and ankle.
  • The knee armour overlaps or meets the top of the boot.
  • No vulnerable strip of skin or lightly protected fabric appears between them.
  • The pants can close securely over or inside the boot, depending on their design.
  • The knee armour remains correctly positioned once your knees are bent.

Buying Riding Boots

20. Sneakers and trekking shoes are not substitutes

Ordinary shoes generally lack:

  • Ankle restraint
  • Torsional rigidity
  • Crush protection
  • A reinforced sole
  • Shin protection
  • Secure retention during a crash

A motorcycle boot may be less convenient for walking because restricting unwanted movement is part of its job.

21. Check the protective structure

Look for:

  • Reinforced toe box
  • Reinforced heel cup
  • Ankle protection
  • Resistance to sideways twisting
  • Resistance to excessive forward and backward ankle movement
  • A stiff, reinforced sole
  • Shin coverage
  • Secure buckles, zips or closures
  • Protection against the boot being pulled off

As a rough thumb rule, the easier the boot is to fold and twist by hand, the less structural protection it is likely to provide.

22. Choose the correct type

Street or short boot

More convenient for commuting and walking, but offers less shin and lower-leg coverage.

A boot extending above the ankle should be treated as the minimum rather than the ideal.

Touring boot

Offers a compromise between:

  • Protection
  • Weather resistance
  • Walking comfort
  • Long-duration wear

Sport or race boot

Designed for high-speed road and track crashes. It may prioritise feel, sliders and ankle protection over walking comfort or off-road crush protection.

Motocross boot

Provides the highest lower-leg, ankle and crush protection, but can initially feel like a plaster cast.

It may:

  • Severely restrict ankle movement
  • Reduce your sense of the controls
  • Feel heavy
  • Require a break-in and adaptation period
  • Be uncomfortable for walking

For serious off-road riding, strongly prefer motocross boots over softer adventure boots.

23. Do not judge a motocross boot by appearance

Some entry-level products resemble motocross boots without providing the structural protection expected from one.

Check the actual:

  • Ankle bracing
  • Sole reinforcement
  • Shin structure
  • Twist resistance
  • Crush resistance
  • Certification

Interestingly, a premium motocross boot may be easier to live with than a cheaper model because the manufacturer can combine stiffness with better hinges, fit and materials.

24. Waterproofing should not dominate the first purchase

A waterproof boot can become hot, sweaty and unpleasant during most of the year.

Treat waterproof boots as a later specialised purchase and initially considering:

  • Waterproof socks
  • External boot covers
  • Rain pants with integrated boot protection
  • Plastic or waterproof barriers for emergencies

A non-waterproof boot that you wear regularly may be more useful than a waterproof boot you avoid because it is uncomfortable.

Buying Gloves

25. Coverage and overlap

Your hands are likely to touch the ground during a fall.

For road riding, a full-gauntlet glove provides greater overlap with the jacket sleeve and reduces the chance of exposing the wrist.

Options include:

  • Short cuff for maximum mobility and off-road control
  • Mid cuff as a compromise
  • Full gauntlet for maximum road coverage

The glove and jacket should overlap even when your arms are extended toward the handlebar.

26. Palm protection

The outer lower portion of the palm commonly contacts the road.

Look for:

  • Multiple layers of leather or protective material
  • Palm sliders
  • Reinforcement around contact areas
  • Secure stitching
  • Material that does not bunch excessively around the controls

Plastic palm sliders should not interfere with the throttle. Sit on the motorcycle and check whether the slider rests awkwardly on the grip or prevents natural wrist movement.

27. Knuckle protection and movement

The glove should provide:

  • Knuckle protection
  • Finger protection
  • Comfortable articulation
  • Enough flexibility to operate the throttle, clutch and brake
  • No hard component that blocks full control movement

A floating knuckle protector can improve flexibility because it allows the outer protector to move independently of the glove body.

28. Closures

A glove that comes off during a crash provides little protection.

For road and touring use, double closures are preferable:

  1. A closure around the wrist
  2. A second closure around the gauntlet

A single closure may be adequate for slower or off-road riding, but offers less redundancy during a long tarmac slide.

29. Race gloves may wear quickly in daily use

Race gloves can prioritise:

  • Maximum feel
  • Low weight
  • High protection for short sessions
  • Exotic, thin palm materials

They may not be designed for daily commuting or repeated long-distance use. A very expensive race glove can develop holes faster than a less glamorous street or touring glove.

Buy according to actual use rather than appearance.

30. Waterproof and insulated gloves

Waterproof gloves can become:

  • Thick
  • Poor in control feel
  • Difficult to put on
  • Prone to internal liners moving out of position
  • Excessively warm in Indian conditions

For occasional rain or cold, consider:

  • Thin nitrile gloves inside the riding glove
  • Lightweight running gloves as an insulating inner layer
  • A dedicated rain glove only when conditions justify it

Whatever solution you choose, verify that you can still operate every control accurately.

Supporting Equipment

31. Base layers

Synthetic or merino base layers can make protective equipment substantially easier to live with.

They help by:

  • Moving sweat away from the skin
  • Drying faster than cotton
  • Preventing the outer garment from sticking
  • Making leathers easier to put on and remove
  • Reducing discomfort over long rides
  • Adding a small amount of warmth in cold weather

For long rides, avoid cotton wherever possible because it absorbs moisture and dries slowly.

32. Earplugs

A helmet does not necessarily provide hearing protection. Continuous wind noise can increase fatigue and contribute to long-term hearing damage.

Proper earplugs can improve:

  • Concentration
  • End-of-day fatigue
  • Comfort on the highway
  • Long-term hearing protection

33. Layers instead of one bulky solution

A versatile hot-weather system can consist of:

  1. Base layer
  2. Mesh protective jacket and pants
  3. Compact insulating layer
  4. External rain layer

This allows you to add or remove layers as the temperature and weather change without replacing the protective garment itself.

Suggested Buying Order

When budget forces you to build the kit gradually:

  1. Certified full-face helmet
  2. Jacket and gloves
  3. Protective boots
  4. Riding pants
  5. Additional chest, hip, coccyx or knee-brace protection
  6. Specialised rain, winter, off-road or track gear

This is a purchasing sequence, not a suggestion that riding without the remaining equipment is safe. The eventual objective should be complete head-to-toe protection on every ride.

Common Red Flags

Avoid or investigate further when:

  • The retailer has only one size and insists it will fit everyone.
  • Replacement visors are unavailable.
  • The seller mentions armour certification but says nothing about the garment.
  • The jacket contains only a foam placeholder instead of a back protector.
  • The armour moves away from the joint in a riding position.
  • A “motorcycle boot” twists and folds like a casual shoe.
  • An off-road pant or jersey is being sold as complete road protection.
  • A modular helmet’s chin-bar certification is unclear.
  • A product is promoted mainly through carbon fibre, race graphics or sponsorship.
  • The glove’s palm slider interferes with the throttle.
  • The closures cannot keep the glove or helmet securely attached.
  • The gear is so hot, heavy or inconvenient that you already suspect you will avoid wearing it.
  • The manufacturer provides no clear certification labels, care instructions or replacement-part support.

Final In-Store Checklist

Before paying, confirm:

  • The product suits your actual riding.
  • The certification applies to the complete product, not merely one component.
  • The fit works in a riding position.
  • Every piece of armour remains correctly positioned.
  • The gear permits full control movement.
  • The helmet has no pressure points.
  • The helmet strap cannot pass over your chin.
  • Visors and replacement parts are available.
  • The jacket and gloves overlap.
  • The pants and boots overlap.
  • The boots resist twisting and sole flex.
  • The gloves remain securely fastened.
  • The main impact areas have stronger material and stitching.
  • The ventilation is sufficient for your climate.
  • You can realistically wear the complete setup every time you ride.

The central rule is simple: buy the best protection you can afford, but make sure it fits, suits your climate and is comfortable enough to leave the cupboard every day.

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u/Particular-Sock875 — 16 days ago