u/Party-Rest3750

Hello all. I’m very often doubt the validity of my illness because I’m on my medication, but my hsCRP is completely fine. But my pain isn’t. It’s excruciating to walk for more than a few minutes. I can’t walk up the stairs without my legs trembling from pain, and I can’t do my dishes without my back feeling like it’s broken from bending over.

Is it just psychological at this point? The pain feels really real but if my body isn’t inflamed then I have no idea what could be causing the pain to be as bad as it is.

Does anyone else struggle like this?

I constantly daydream of slitting my wrists. I can feel the warmth of blood and I can feel my body getting colder as it leaves. I can’t be alive. I can’t. It needs to end. My suffering has gone on too long.

I know this thought process is irrational, but I also know that mental wards can suck (in America). I’ve been on 20+ different meds now, and I’m running out of options. If I get admitted, I’ll just be put on something I’ve already been on. I’ll have my properties taken from me so I could delay my suicide a little bit more.

No treatment really has helped so far. I’m currently on Lithium, Lamictal, Latuda, Wellbutrin, and Intuniv. It’s not enough. Not nearly. But I’ve been on all the others and almost nothing has helped my depression. I’m only alive because I’m too scared to cut through my wrists right now.

I’m not at the planning stage yet either, so I may not even be able to enter a ward if I need it. Plus, everything that pains me comes from my home. Nothing changes, nothing gets better, I’m always treated like trash and that hasn’t changed since ice opened up about this

What can I even do? I’ve been on almost all the meds on my genesight green bit. I’m stuck and there’s no way out. What can I do??

I started lithium yesterday. I’m surprised I haven’t been on it, as I was diagnosed with this illness 12 years ago or so.

Does anyone know how common lithium toxicity is? Like do people usually find out their lithium level because of its toxicity?

I’m feeling a bit nauseous and restless at the moment but I feel like that’ll pass.

I’m just super worried about lithium because I know toxicity is a thing.

Thanks all

This question isn’t necessarily targeted towards people with gender dysphoria, but rather general gender stereotypes, although I’m not attempting to isolate anyone at all from answer this question.

I, a man, oftentimes am expected to be quiet about my emotions. My pain goes unnoticed because I’m not seen as a person who should be bawling or breaking down. Oftentimes I’m spoken very poorly to because they don’t see my inner pain. My mind is a cauldron that bubbles over into a boiling liquid, my emotions from my mind foaming into mental crisis that I have on my own.

Of course, this is just my very limited experience as a cis white man, so how do you all experience your gender in your depression?

I know it would be horrible for those around me, but I can’t live anymore. I can’t. I don’t have the courage to pick up a knife and slit my wrists, but I daydream of it all day. Wherever I exist I’m complained about and I can’t take constantly being told how wrong I am and how everything I do just amounts to me being lazy.

My family doesn’t understand my depression and is in that sense, very unsupportive in terms of attitude. Given that I have no one to go to besides family, I’m essentially always hated. That pain isn’t the only reason for my thoughts, but it definitely adds to it.

My heart is already so so fragile, and people don’t seem to understand that the worse they treat me, the more it shatters.

At some point I really do think my heart will be shattered enough to cause me to end myself, but even worse, no one will care to treat me any differently and no one will care once I’m dead.

Everything is always my fault, even when it’s not. I’m yelled at for mistakes I didn’t make. Scapegoated for things I don’t do. My privacy is constantly breached and the closest thing I have to a roommate constantly breaks our agreed upon policies.

The only way I get anyone to care about me is if when I kind of have to release all my emotions, and end up sobbing in my room about my feelings. They’ll ask what’s wrong, pat me on the back, walk away, and once I’m done crying, speak the same way they always have to me.

Like let’s say you lose your testicles due to cancer, or you get a hysterectomy, do you still get horny?

I used to smoke, for years honestly, and I did well on it. A couple years back, I did a bunch of stuff, went through a bunch of stuff, and took a heavy medical stimulant (took prednisone for multiple weeks for an infection)

While doing all this, I was smoking as i usually would. I ended up manic for nearly half of that year, and although I do attribute it a lot to the other intense things that happened + the steroids, I do wonder about coming back to weed.

How do you all react to it? I’m super depressed, and I have been for years now, and I need to cloud my mind enough to stop thinking about >!constantly ending my life!<