u/PartyDay8150

Me (M25) and my ex (F23) had been dating for 5 years, the first 3 years we didn’t really meet because we weren’t working since we were both studying. We have met in person twice in the last year (Once in October of 2025, and I flew over there on for the first two weeks of February 2026) and were planning on meeting again in the following months but this time it would’ve been her flying to me, but it was also her first time flying in general. She became distant these last couple of days(5) because of work, she has been working really long hours and has been having terrible shifts, I told her she should quit, or call and say she couldn’t make it, and every time she pushed it away and said “she can’t just do that” but credit to her she doesn’t have another job to rely on. (This is her first real job @ a fast-food restaurant) We spoke ab these shifts and I expressed that it was okay, and all I did was send “check up” messages throughout my day, which she ignored/avoided.

But she doesn’t have any bills to pay for. She doesn’t “need” the job, she also lives with her family. She expressed to me she couldn’t do the relationship anymore because of the distance, then claimed she also wants to “buy stuff” for herself, which is fair but why didn’t she just talk to me about it? She decided what was best for herself instead of talking to me about it and communicating, who can be more understanding than your partner of 5yrs?

We agreed on splitting the ticket, but if she genuinely didn’t want to pay her half, then we could’ve figured it out. If she really missed me I could’ve flown out early next month. Id like to think she just went under lots of stress and cut me off to just not have to worry about me or the plane ticket, and she’d rather spend it on herself. Things could’ve been talked about, this made the last 5 years feel like I was just an emotional support. Maybe she started liking someone else, maybe she burnt out emotionally, maybe she started trauma bonding with her coworkers and didn’t need me, or her coworkers gave her “advice”. Leaving like this after 5 years truly hurts, it truly changed my perspective on someone I trusted so badly. 5 years isn’t something to break off one day, it should’ve been talked about. Am I missing something?

tldr: Together for 5 years, her job became more demanding of her time, which led to breaking up with me. It was sudden. What am I missing?

Me (M25) and my ex (F23) had been dating for 5 years, the first 3 years we didn’t really meet because we weren’t working since we were both studying. We have met in person twice in the last year (Once in October of 2025, and I flew over there on for the first two weeks of February 2026) and were planning on meeting again in the following months but this time it would’ve been her flying to me, but it was also her first time flying in general. She became distant these last couple of days(5) because of work, she has been working really long hours and has been having terrible shifts, I told her she should quit, or call and say she couldn’t make it, and every time she pushed it away and said “she can’t just do that” but credit to her she doesn’t have another job to rely on. (This is her first real job @ a fast-food restaurant) We spoke ab these shifts and I expressed that it was okay, and all I did was send “check up” messages throughout my day, which she ignored/avoided.

But she doesn’t have any bills to pay for. She doesn’t “need” the job, she also lives with her family. She expressed to me she couldn’t do the relationship anymore because of the distance, then claimed she also wants to “buy stuff” for herself, which is fair but why didn’t she just talk to me about it? She decided what was best for herself instead of talking to me about it and communicating, who can be more understanding than your partner of 5yrs?

We agreed on splitting the ticket, but if she genuinely didn’t want to pay her half, then we could’ve figured it out. If she really missed me I could’ve flown out early next month. Id like to think she just went under lots of stress and cut me off to just not have to worry about me or the plane ticket, and she’d rather spend it on herself. Things could’ve been talked about, this made the last 5 years feel like I was just an emotional support. Maybe she started liking someone else, maybe she burnt out emotionally, maybe she started trauma bonding with her coworkers and didn’t need me, or her coworkers gave her “advice”. Leaving like this after 5 years truly hurts, it truly changed my perspective on someone I trusted so badly. 5 years isn’t something to break off one day, it should’ve been talked about. Am I missing something?

tldr: Together for 5 years, her job became more demanding of her time, which led to breaking up with me. It was sudden. What am I missing?

Me (M25) and my ex (F23) had been dating for 5 years, the first 3 years we didn’t really meet because we weren’t working since we were both studying. We have met in person twice in the last year (Once in October of 2025, and I flew over there on for the first two weeks of February 2026) and were planning on meeting again in the following months but this time it would’ve been her flying to me, but it was also her first time flying in general. She became distant these last couple of days(5) because of work, she has been working really long hours and has been having terrible shifts, I told her she should quit, or call and say she couldn’t make it, and every time she pushed it away and said “she can’t just do that” but credit to her she doesn’t have another job to rely on. (This is her first real job @ a fast-food restaurant) We spoke ab these shifts and I expressed that it was okay, and all I did was send “check up” messages throughout my day, which she ignored/avoided.

But she doesn’t have any bills to pay for. She doesn’t “need” the job, she also lives with her family. She expressed to me she couldn’t do the relationship anymore because of the distance, then claimed she also wants to “buy stuff” for herself, which is fair but why didn’t she just talk to me about it? She decided what was best for herself instead of talking to me about it and communicating, who can be more understanding than your partner of 5yrs?

We agreed on splitting the ticket, but if she genuinely didn’t want to pay her half, then we could’ve figured it out. If she really missed me I could’ve flown out early next month. Id like to think she just went under lots of stress and cut me off to just not have to worry about me or the plane ticket, and she’d rather spend it on herself. Things could’ve been talked about, this made the last 5 years feel like I was just an emotional support. Maybe she started liking someone else, maybe she burnt out emotionally, maybe she started trauma bonding with her coworkers and didn’t need me, or her coworkers gave her “advice”. Leaving like this after 5 years truly hurts, it truly changed my perspective on someone I trusted so badly. 5 years isn’t something to break off one day, it should’ve been talked about. Am I missing something?

tldr: Together for 5 years, her job became more demanding of her time, which led to breaking up with me. It was sudden. What am I missing?