u/Party_Wolverine_751

Panaeolus cyanescens dosage?

I will start this by saying I am a very experienced tripper. I have been tripping multiple times a year for about the last 5 years I have slowed down heavily as the years have gone on but still do them idk about 3/5 times a year. I have only experience with cubes. such as APE , PE , melmac and other cubes. I got ahold of 2 grams of Pans Cyans. Dude informed me to only take .5 as it is on another realm of cubes. In my experience I don’t find those warnings to be very accurate as I heard the “just try a G of enigma” and to me it was just like any other cube. I’m thinking as someone who’s average dose on cubes is about 4 G’s give or take .5. I am going to go with 1. I am looking for a profound experience and am ready to trip hard. I don’t want to lose my mind but I also don’t wanna take too little and wish I had done more. Any recs? Or personal experience?

I (m27) don’t really like to commit to things and me saying I’m never drinking ever again just quite frankly is probably not true. But just a little about me
I always really liked drinking the first time I got drunk It was my 16th birthday. My friends came over on a summer day and we pounded a 24 pack of Nati lights between like 4 of us and I knew from the first time that I loved this feeling. And I loved drinking all through my late teens and early 20’s. I got a dui at 22 and after that I kinda realized I maybe have a bit of a problem. I kinda did quit for a while I think I probably didn’t touch a drink for about 6 months after my dui because I was just so ashamed of myself and wanted better. From there I managed my drinking pretty well tbh for a couple years I was a casual drinking sure I might have my nights where I drink more then I should but overall I felt I was not drinking a lot for a young guy. When I was 24 I found out my fiancé cheated on me and then my mom got really sick with cancer about the same time and my drinking started to feel different. By different I don’t mean more. Just now when I drank it felt like I was doing it to cope it would usually end in me acting in a way I’m not proud of and it just made me turn dark.

My mom died not long after that and I knew that I couldn’t fall into drinking and I made a point to not drink for a long time after she died. But lately it’s started to be that same weird darkness. I don’t drink that often. Maybe once a month sometimes more sometimes less but when I do. I always regret it I always wake up the next day feeling shame or disgusted with myself and I just don’t know when I start drinking when to quit. I blacked out last night on a random Wednesday night and missed work in my first week of a new job today (I’m in a new town training) luckily I played it off well saying I had a stomach bug and I truly won’t let it happen again. I’m not someone that calls off or misses work unless I truly am very ill or something along those lines. So I’m disappointed in myself and I’m making the decision that right now I’m gonna quit drinking and get some professional help (not like AA but therapy) because I don’t believe I am an alcoholic or an addict but it’s like I’m addicted to destroying my life and it’s not good. I feel like if I keep drinking something bad is gonna happen.

So I (m26) wanna start this off by saying that my sister (f33) and I are full grown adults and we are independent and can take care of ourselves so I’m not saying in any way that my father (m64) was a bad parent or didn’t do a fantastic job raising us it’s just now he has changed and I feel hurt.

So I’ll start this off by saying that in December of 2023 my mom got sick, her and my dad were married for 37 years and she passed away that March of 2024 at the age of 59. It was very difficult for our family as my mom was the back bone of our entire family. I know it is easy to look back at someone who has passed as perfect but truthfully my mom was as close to it as you can imagine. I grew up very close to her as my dad was always traveling for work and my sister and I had a pretty big age gap. I was a mommas boy not afraid to admit it. When my mom passed I had moved back in with my dad because I was going through a nasty breakup s/o of 5 years (she cheated with an old man lol). My sister always lived at home and living together was hard. My dad was very mean and took out his anger on us. My sister was very emotional in like crying and weeping and my dad was angry. I was both but I had to stay level headed to keep everyone together. Well some time had passed and parts of the story unfolded but not too relevant to this story. But my dad was now in a full blown serious relationship by the holiday’s of 2024. It was this woman let’s just call her Linda. Linda is about 10 years younger then my dad and as recently as when my mom was in the hospital was engaged to my dad’s best friend…….. yea….. Linda had also been married 4 times and had 6 kids and was estranged from 2 of them….

My sister and I saw the red flags because it had only been about 8 months from my moms passing the woman he had spent over 40 years with and is now madly in love with this woman who has all these red flags. It would have been hard regardless but at least I could understand “I’m lonely and I met someone and we go out here and there” it was just “I am in love and I want to marry this woman.” It was a lot of drama his former best friend showed up to our house. It was crazy…. But they ended up getting married in September of 2025 just a year and a half after my mom had passed they went to Vegas and came back home to live in my childhood home. She made it clear that she didn’t like me or my sister. By the start of the new year they had a new house build about 2 hours away and moved. My dad has now been gone for about 5 months and I have not seen him since. He told us he wanted to move on with his life and he spent his entire life having a family and doing what everyone else wanted but how he’s gonna do what he wants. Sometimes I text him just checking in or seeing if he saw something in sports and he either just doesn’t reply or gives me the most bland dry response. My sister recently got laid off from her job and my dad has not cared at all. I spent the day with my sister when she had to turn her stuff in and she cried the entire day just wanting dad to reach out to her and offer any form of support but he just says “your adults if you need me to tell you it’s gonna be okay then you need therapy”.

The final straw was this past week I had a memory pop up it was 7 years ago a picture of me , my mom , my dad and sister on a vacation we had taken I sent it to my dad just saying “the good old days such a fun trip” he responded with “time for you to move on”. I called him and he went into another room and said I can’t be sending him pictures of my mom because it makes “Linda” upset. I was very upset but let it go. But these past few days I took a lake trip with my best friend. His mom is very ill and we don’t know how many more years she will have left (ALS). She was a dear friend of my mother’s and she had been sick for a couple years while my mom was still healthy. We got a really cute picture of me my buddy and his mom in the lake and I sent it to my dad and he read it and didn’t respond and the next day sent “great , thanks”. I just realized he has absolutely 0 interest in my life or anything about me. He lives with his new wife and her daughter who is my age 2 hours away and I think if I don’t reach out I don’t think I’m gonna hear from him. Everyone says you’re an adult who cares but I love my parents and I wanted a relationship with my dad. But at some point it is just pathetic begging lol.

I feel like there’s certain moments in life I go back to in my mind for some reason. It’s very weird I don’t really know how to explain it. But it’s probably the earliest time of my life where I have very vivid memories. Some other times in life I remember like that would be Fall of 2013 (my freshman year of high school) , summer of 2017 (summer after graduating) , fall of 2023 my last normal time of my life before everything changed. But 2008 sticks out in my head. I remember I was 8 years old turned 9 at the end of summer and I remember it being hot , playing with my best friend in my neighborhood and I remember all the awesome movies. Iron man , the dark knight (that movie changed my life) I wanted to see tropic thunder but obviously my parents didn’t let me…. I grew up in the Midwest and I also remember going to this chili parlor with my parents and the pop music of the time always playing. It’s just wild I still live in my hometown well close to it and a lot is still standing from 2008 but nothing feels the same. Just curious to what yall were up to at that time.

I know he had a really disappointing 2025 but I kinda see that year as a scratch. He was up and coming as of 2024 and I think he just has really good chemistry with burrow. Obviously I know the bengals have Chase and Higgins that are both likely to go for over 1k yards with Chase maybe close to 2k lol. But I could see a big improvement to where in the offseason there is a real discussion of what to do with Yoshi. I will predict this stat line 45 receptions 600 yards , 6 touchdowns. Or am I overrating him? He was a 7th round pick but I felt we were all high on him until last year.

I (m27) was with a woman for 8 years we broke up about a year ago. I miss her a lot of times. We have the most amazing memories together. I really miss the early years where things were fun and new and we did a lot of travel and had fun. After we had been together for about 5 years I was gonna propose. But things were weird I felt her distant from me. I was really busy. She has a bit of a weird situation she lives with her mom who had Parkinson’s disease so essentially she is going to live with her mom until her mom passes away and take care of her and her mom will leave her with the house and it is a very nice house probably close to a million dollar house tbh. So I stayed at home. I was working full time and in college. Well I found out she was having an affair around Christmas time of 2022. My mom then got sick and died out of nowhere and I was in this weird place. I felt betrayed but I honestly didn’t really care that much just because losing my mom who I was very close to was the most painful thing I ever went through. So I stayed with her but I had no plans of proposing at this point.

I went though a really rough time the following years I got laid off from my finance job I had been at for years as essentially they had eliminated half of the jobs and even though I did a fine job at work they just didn’t need me and it took me nearly a year to get a job to replace it. I worked in food service but I just wasn’t making enough money. I moved in with my girlfriend and her mom because essentially I had nowhere to go. My dad remarried and moved and I was not welcome to go with him and I was working part time food service. I was miserable. I eventually got a job and I kept my food service job so I was working 2 jobs and that’s when the misery got worse. My girlfriend didn’t really work she worked part time but maybe 15 hours a week. I was working 65 hours a week because I worked 40 at my finance job and 25 at my food service job mostly just weekends and 2 nights a week.

I didn’t have any off days and she would constantly complain that I wasnt cleaning as much as I was before I got my second job. Which ugh yeah I went from working 25 hours a week to 65. It’s not like I was messy it was just I was now rarely home. Nothing was ever fun. She didn’t want to have kids because “she wants to have a fun life and do what she wants” but she had 4 horses and 2 dogs and a cat. So that 15/20 hours she worked a week literally all went to her animals and then I helped as well along with her mom and not only the financial aspect of this it was all our time. I had to every night go with her help clean her horses stalls because if I didn’t she would be out there 3/4 hours a night. So on top of working 2 jobs I was going and cleaning up after these animals I didn’t even want. I would sometimes be disgruntled about it and she would say “being in a relationship isn’t about having fun or doing what you want it’s about sacrificing for your partner” but I would just be like okay… but like we aren’t having kids “to do what we want” but we’re just replacing that with a ton of animals which is not as fulfilling as a kid… don’t get me wrong I’m a huge animal lover and advocate. But I also believe people should only have animals they can care for. There is no need for 2 young people struggling to have 4 fucking horses….. I mean at my finance job I made 25 an hour and I made 15 at my food service job. She made 18 at her nanny job and we lived rent free at her mother’s house but we had not a dime to spare because of these expenses.

I would say sometimes I wish we could do more fun things like go to dinner , go to a movie , travel like we used to and it was always no because of her animals or her mom. I then told her I was thinking of getting my own place and she freaked out again saying that I just don’t care about her. I finally was just like I think we want different things I love you but I can’t do this. I don’t want to spend my entire life working 65 hours a week and not doing anything I ever want to do. She freaked out and slashed my tires one day when I was at work lol and she burned about half my close. Which just confirmed that I needed to get out of this. I quit my second job and now live in appartment where with rent and utilities I pay about 1,100 a month and live pretty comfortably. I went to a concert last night with friends and I kept on thinking I would have loved if my ex would have gone with me. It was one of our favorite artists but I just knew she wouldn’t because she could never have fun if she wasn’t near her animals at all times it just sucks because you remember how once the relationship was fun and you would do all these fun things together and not to mention I think the last year we were together we had sex like 3 times. Lol when first year it was common we would have sex 3 times in a day

I constantly hear people saying in a relationship it’s about sacrifice and not doing what you want. I just feel like man. Isn’t life too short for that? Like why should you just constantly be like I’m gonna not ever do anything I want just to be with someone? I think you should be able to be with someone and still have fun and do things you want. I feel like the happiest relationships feel like that. Not someone giving up everything they want to make the other person happy.

TL;DR - I was in a 8 year relationship and ended up living with her and her mom not bc I wanted but bc of her situation I was miserable and constantly would be told again and again it’s not about being happy or what I want but sacrificing for someone else. I eventually moved on and a year of being free I just can’t ever see myself being that serious with anyone ever again.