u/Past-Acanthaceae-229

I want to start of by saying I haven't engaged with any of Camus' works except 'The Plague'. I want to keep this discussion within the context of Camus' wider philosophical views and this book with Dr Rieux is a character in.

Whenever there was a conversation Dr Rieux was engaged in and God was a focus, I felt like his responses where of someone who acknowledges God, but doesn't love Him. There was a hateful rage directed to God's method of utilising suffering and pain to either teach or punish mankind. As he says so himself in conversation with Paneloux: "No, Father. I've a very different idea of love. And until my dying day I shall refuse to love a scheme of things in which children are put to torture." And the reason why I felt this was because it reminded me of myself, and the journey I've had with faith, suffering, and purpose.

I was born a Muslim and for much of my childhood and teenage life, I was Muslim due to the influence of my parents and the neighbourhood around me. I studied the Quran without much understanding of what I was reading but I have a level of respect for it. I was a typical kid and spent my time having fun with friends. And then, my grandmother died. It broke me mentally and for the first time in my life, I was forced to confront the concept of death. I sat with it for months and could finally say I was at a point that I somewhat accepted the inevitability of death and my fear of it wasn't debilatating. I should also mention that my porn usage increased soon after this to the point where I would call it an addiction. I still suffer with it now. As with any repeated activity that triggers a high level of dopamine, there were less and less things that I was enjoying. Gaming in particular, which I relied on heavily for my joy, was not fun at all. I stopped playing games and I realised that there wasn't much to live for once life becomes this grey mess.

Finding myself in this state, I started my search for meaning. I began with reading a translation of the book I had engaged with my whole life but never understood, The Quran. I read it's translation cover-to-cover and I was left in awe. There was so much wisdom that had never been imparted to me and I finally had some zeal. And for some months from this point, I was the sincerest at being Muslim as I ever was and was to be. That is until I turned my attention to God Himself and some of the discomforts I had felt with the languaged used. There was this almost delight in the punishment and torture of human beings. Words that imply that the punished humans would deserve it and that all they had to do was listen and take heed. Whilst I believed and still do believe that the Quran is the literal word of God, there was one thing I found to be lacking in the text. And that was the reasoning for God creating anything and everything.

The Quran and Islam certainly can give you meaning. If you are willing to trust God and take the leap of faith. This leap of faith is so because God doesn't give his reasoning. He doesn't inform you of how suffering will lead you to betterment. He just dishes out his judgment and whilst everyone experiences it, a person of faith is meant to not only accept the suffering, but love it as they love God. As Paneloux's statement in his second sermon so accurately put: "We must accept the dilemma and choose either to hate God or to love God." But despite this, I'm not here to lecture people or preach to them about Islam. My orientation towards absurdism is due to my inability to love God. If He doesn't give His reasoning, I struggle to fulfill his demands which are meant to express your love for Him. And whilst we don't know Dr rieux's previous religious background, I got the feeling whilst reading that his mindset was similar. Just take this specific passage from his conversation with Paneloux before the second sermon:

"Ah, doctor," he said sadly, "I've just realized what is meant by 'grace.'"

to which Dr Rieux replies

"It's something I haven't got; that I know..."

This is exactly how I feel, and I was shocked that Camus could create a characters who's feelings and thoughts I so closely associated with. Whilst some of my friends and family turn ever deeper into religion with some being dangerously defensive of it, I have turned away and only keep this veneer of being a Muslim so I'm not alienated from the community I have shared my whole life. Perhaps they chose not to confront the ideas of purpose and meaning as I have, or they chose the comfort that faith brings. Which I can understand as having turned away from God, I've been left feeling blind and direction-less on this path of life. Whilst I find myself unable to love God, I acknowledge Him but I'm not the better for it.

I want to start of by saying I haven't engaged with any of Camus' works except 'The Plague'. I want to keep this discussion within the context of Camus' wider philosophical views and this book with Dr Rieux is a character in.

Whenever there was a conversation Dr Rieux was engaged in and God was a focus, I felt like his responses where of someone who acknowledges God, but doesn't love Him. There was a hateful rage directed to God's method of utilising suffering and pain to either teach or punish mankind. As he says so himself in conversation with Paneloux: "No, Father. I've a very different idea of love. And until my dying day I shall refuse to love a scheme of things in which children are put to torture." And the reason why I felt this was because it reminded me of myself, and the journey I've had with faith, suffering, and purpose.

I was born a Muslim and for much of my childhood and teenage life, I was Muslim due to the influence of my parents and the neighbourhood around me. I studied the Quran without much understanding of what I was reading but I have a level of respect for it. I was a typical kid and spent my time having fun with friends. And then, my grandmother died. It broke me mentally and for the first time in my life, I was forced to confront the concept of death. I sat with it for months and could finally say I was at a point that I somewhat accepted the inevitability of death and my fear of it wasn't debilatating. I should also mention that my porn usage increased soon after this to the point where I would call it an addiction. I still suffer with it now. As with any repeated activity that triggers a high level of dopamine, there were less and less things that I was enjoying. Gaming in particular, which I relied on heavily for my joy, was not fun at all. I stopped playing games and I realised that there wasn't much to live for once life becomes this grey mess.

Finding myself in this state, I started my search for meaning. I began with reading a translation of the book I had engaged with my whole life but never understood, The Quran. I read it's translation cover-to-cover and I was left in awe. There was so much wisdom that had never been imparted to me and I finally had some zeal. And for some months from this point, I was the sincerest at being Muslim as I ever was and was to be. That is until I turned my attention to God Himself and some of the discomforts I had felt with the languaged used. There was this almost delight in the punishment and torture of human beings. Words that imply that the punished humans would deserve it and that all they had to do was listen and take heed. Whilst I believed and still do believe that the Quran is the literal word of God, there was one thing I found to be lacking in the text. And that was the reasoning for God creating anything and everything.

The Quran and Islam certainly can give you meaning. If you are willing to trust God and take the leap of faith. This leap of faith is so because God doesn't give his reasoning. He doesn't inform you of how suffering will lead you to betterment. He just dishes out his judgment and whilst everyone experiences it, a person of faith is meant to not only accept the suffering, but love it as they love God. As Paneloux's statement in his second sermon so accurately put: "We must accept the dilemma and choose either to hate God or to love God." But despite this, I'm not here to lecture people or preach to them about Islam. My orientation towards absurdism is due to my inability to love God. If He doesn't give His reasoning, I struggle to fulfill his demands which are meant to express your love for Him. And whilst we don't know Dr rieux's previous religious background, I got the feeling whilst reading that his mindset was similar. Just take this specific passage from his conversation with Paneloux before the second sermon:

"Ah, doctor," he said sadly, "I've just realized what is meant by 'grace.'"

to which Dr Rieux replies

"It's something I haven't got; that I know..."

This is exactly how I feel, and I was shocked that Camus could create a characters who's feelings and thoughts I so closely associated with. Whilst some of my friends and family turn ever deeper into religion with some being dangerously defensive of it, I have turned away and only keep this veneer of being a Muslim so I'm not alienated from the community I have shared my whole life. Perhaps they chose not to confront the ideas of purpose and meaning as I have, or they chose the comfort that faith brings. Which I can understand as having turned away from God, I've been left feeling blind and direction-less on this path of life. Whilst I find myself unable to love God, I acknowledge Him but I'm not the better for it.

I just finished reading The Plague by Albert Camus and I just wanted to write. I haven’t read any of Camus’ previous work nor do I know much about him.What an impactful book that I also found extremely difficult to get through. I don’t know if my reduced attention span had any impact on this but regardless, I finished the book and I was glad I ever opened this book. In particular, I was fascinated by his discourse on God. There are varying perspectives on this and Camus doesn’t explicitly tell us one is right which I liked. 

The priest Panaleoux is a great character and represents people of strong faith. He chooses to believe in God and accept whatever God has to offer, including pain. In his second speech, he lays down what he believes to be the crux of the issue. Either we love God and accept his judgement, or we hate God and shatter our reality. In denying God, we reject everything. And he believes all that will leave is further suffering and pain. In other words, we are powerless against God.

The Doctor Rieux has a different perspective, and one that I partially hold. Riex who is also the book’s narrator sympathises with the human reality and his job as a doctor allows him to somewhat fight against the world’s order. The Plague, which Panaleoux understands to be a lesson for mankind and the town in particular, can be fought by the Doctor. However, this comes at a cost. He will never know victory, and all that will be left in his wake is defeat. But there is a sort of consolation in that you tried. From what I understood, he is a man that believes in God, but doesn’t love Him. And according to the priest, lacking in the love of God will only leave us bewildered and confused.

But the character that I resonated with the most was definitely Tarrou. It’s easy to believe that your thoughts, beliefs and doubts are your own but it felt like Camus had burrowed deep into my being and presented an expression of my soul on the pages I was reading.  I hadn’t felt that since reading Crime and Punishment. Tarrou is a man not from this world, nor from the next. God is someone not in his sphere of thought, but someone like Paneloux would believe he is looking for. The Doctor thinks he is looking for something akin to peace. But in Tarrou’s mind and as presented by Camus I believe, Tarrou spends his existence wandering in suffering. He doesn’t believe in mankind, nor in God. He is looking for something that can’t be found. The Doctor even mentions that his giving a hand to the health department, is part of this fruitless search he is on. Based on my experience, I believe he is looking for meaning. He is looking for purpose. The Doctor finds it in his work. The Priest finds it in his devotion to God.

I think all these different characters represent thoughts that Camus had previously carried, or currently carries simultaneously. I’m someone who is doubting conventional religions, but I firmly believe in a God. However, I have struggled to love Him in any capacity and so I feel lost, unable to tether myself anywhere and find meaning. What an amazing work by Camus and I will be reading more of his works.

"9. Lastly, you are here to learn something. Don’t try to figure out what it is. This can be frustrating and unproductive. We hope you enjoy your stay here. We have done all we can to make your stay a pleasant and instructive one." 

This is the ninth rule in the hell of 'A Short Stay in Hell' by Steven L. Peck. What do you think the inhabitants of this hell were meant to learn?

"9. Lastly, you are here to learn something. Don’t try to figure out what it is. This can be frustrating and unproductive. We hope you enjoy your stay here. We have done all we can to make your stay a pleasant and instructive one." 

This is the ninth rule in the hell of 'A Short Stay in Hell' by Steven L. Peck. What do you think the inhabitants of this hell were meant to learn?

I just finished reading The Plague by Albert Camus and I just wanted to write. I haven’t read any of Camus’ previous work nor do I know much about him.What an impactful book that I also found extremely difficult to get through. I don’t know if my reduced attention span had any impact on this but regardless, I finished the book and I was glad I ever opened this book. In particular, I was fascinated by his discourse on God. There are varying perspectives on this and Camus doesn’t explicitly tell us one is right which I liked. 

The priest Panaleoux is a great character and represents people of strong faith. He chooses to believe in God and accept whatever God has to offer, including pain. In his second speech, he lays down what he believes to be the crux of the issue. Either we love God and accept his judgement, or we hate God and shatter our reality. In denying God, we reject everything. And he believes all that will leave is further suffering and pain. In other words, we are powerless against God.

The Doctor Rieux has a different perspective, and one that I partially hold. Riex who is also the book’s narrator sympathises with the human reality and his job as a doctor allows him to somewhat fight against the world’s order. The Plague, which Panaleoux understands to be a lesson for mankind and the town in particular, can be fought by the Doctor. However, this comes at a cost. He will never know victory, and all that will be left in his wake is defeat. But there is a sort of consolation in that you tried. From what I understood, he is a man that believes in God, but doesn’t love Him. And according to the priest, lacking in the love of God will only leave us bewildered and confused.

But the character that I resonated with the most was definitely Tarrou. It’s easy to believe that your thoughts, beliefs and doubts are your own but it felt like Camus had burrowed deep into my being and presented an expression of my soul on the pages I was reading.  I hadn’t felt that since reading Crime and Punishment. Tarrou is a man not from this world, nor from the next. God is someone not in his sphere of thought, but someone like Paneloux would believe he is looking for. The Doctor thinks he is looking for something akin to peace. But in Tarrou’s mind and as presented by Camus I believe, Tarrou spends his existence wandering in suffering. He doesn’t believe in mankind, nor in God. He is looking for something that can’t be found. The Doctor even mentions that his giving a hand to the health department, is part of this fruitless search he is on. Based on my experience, I believe he is looking for meaning. He is looking for purpose. The Doctor finds it in his work. The Priest finds it in his devotion to God.

I think all these different characters represent thoughts that Camus had previously carried, or currently carries simultaneously. I’m someone who is doubting conventional religions, but I firmly believe in a God. However, I have struggled to love Him in any capacity and so I feel lost, unable to tether myself anywhere and find meaning. What an amazing work by Camus and I will be reading more of his works.

I just finished reading The Plague by Albert Camus and I just wanted to write. I haven’t read any of Camus’ previous work nor do I know much about him.What an impactful book that I also found extremely difficult to get through. I don’t know if my reduced attention span had any impact on this but regardless, I finished the book and I was glad I ever opened this book. In particular, I was fascinated by his discourse on God. There are varying perspectives on this and Camus doesn’t explicitly tell us one is right which I liked. 

The priest Panaleoux is a great character and represents people of strong faith. He chooses to believe in God and accept whatever God has to offer, including pain. In his second speech, he lays down what he believes to be the crux of the issue. Either we love God and accept his judgement, or we hate God and shatter our reality. In denying God, we reject everything. And he believes all that will leave is further suffering and pain. In other words, we are powerless against God.

The Doctor Rieux has a different perspective, and one that I partially hold. Riex who is also the book’s narrator sympathises with the human reality and his job as a doctor allows him to somewhat fight against the world’s order. The Plague, which Panaleoux understands to be a lesson for mankind and the town in particular, can be fought by the Doctor. However, this comes at a cost. He will never know victory, and all that will be left in his wake is defeat. But there is a sort of consolation in that you tried. From what I understood, he is a man that believes in God, but doesn’t love Him. And according to the priest, lacking in the love of God will only leave us bewildered and confused.

But the character that I resonated with the most was definitely Tarrou. It’s easy to believe that your thoughts, beliefs and doubts are your own but it felt like Camus had burrowed deep into my being and presented an expression of my soul on the pages I was reading.  I hadn’t felt that since reading Crime and Punishment. Tarrou is a man not from this world, nor from the next. God is someone not in his sphere of thought, but someone like Paneloux would believe he is looking for. The Doctor thinks he is looking for something akin to peace. But in Tarrou’s mind and as presented by Camus I believe, Tarrou spends his existence wandering in suffering. He doesn’t believe in mankind, nor in God. He is looking for something that can’t be found. The Doctor even mentions that his giving a hand to the health department, is part of this fruitless search he is on. Based on my experience, I believe he is looking for meaning. He is looking for purpose. The Doctor finds it in his work. The Priest finds it in his devotion to God.

I think all these different characters represent thoughts that Camus had previously carried, or currently carries simultaneously. I’m someone who is doubting conventional religions, but I firmly believe in a God. However, I have struggled to love Him in any capacity and so I feel lost, unable to tether myself anywhere and find meaning. What an amazing work by Camus and I will be reading more of his works.

I just finished reading The Plague by Albert Camus and I just wanted to write. I haven’t read any of Camus’ previous work nor do I know much about him.What an impactful book that I also found extremely difficult to get through. I don’t know if my reduced attention span had any impact on this but regardless, I finished the book and I was glad I ever opened this book. In particular, I was fascinated by his discourse on God. There are varying perspectives on this and Camus doesn’t explicitly tell us one is right which I liked. 

The priest Panaleoux is a great character and represents people of strong faith. He chooses to believe in God and accept whatever God has to offer, including pain. In his second speech, he lays down what he believes to be the crux of the issue. Either we love God and accept his judgement, or we hate God and shatter our reality. In denying God, we reject everything. And he believes all that will leave is further suffering and pain. In other words, we are powerless against God.

The Doctor Rieux has a different perspective, and one that I partially hold. Riex who is also the book’s narrator sympathises with the human reality and his job as a doctor allows him to somewhat fight against the world’s order. The Plague, which Panaleoux understands to be a lesson for mankind and the town in particular, can be fought by the Doctor. However, this comes at a cost. He will never know victory, and all that will be left in his wake is defeat. But there is a sort of consolation in that you tried. From what I understood, he is a man that believes in God, but doesn’t love Him. And according to the priest, lacking in the love of God will only leave us bewildered and confused.

But the character that I resonated with the most was definitely Tarrou. It’s easy to believe that your thoughts, beliefs and doubts are your own but it felt like Camus had burrowed deep into my being and presented an expression of my soul on the pages I was reading.  I hadn’t felt that since reading Crime and Punishment. Tarrou is a man not from this world, nor from the next. God is someone not in his sphere of thought, but someone like Paneloux would believe he is looking for. The Doctor thinks he is looking for something akin to peace. But in Tarrou’s mind and as presented by Camus I believe, Tarrou spends his existence wandering in suffering. He doesn’t believe in mankind, nor in God. He is looking for something that can’t be found. The Doctor even mentions that his giving a hand to the health department, is part of this fruitless search he is on. Based on my experience, I believe he is looking for meaning. He is looking for purpose. The Doctor finds it in his work. The Priest finds it in his devotion to God.

I think all these different characters represent thoughts that Camus had previously carried, or currently carries simultaneously. I’m someone who is doubting conventional religions, but I firmly believe in a God. However, I have struggled to love Him in any capacity and so I feel lost, unable to tether myself anywhere and find meaning. What an amazing work by Camus and I will be reading more of his works.

"Allāh does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity." (Surah Baqarah, 286)

This is the famous verse which many people have taken a wrong meaning from. The meaning many derive is that any situation you face, you can handle. This has never sat right with me and it doesn't sound right at all. And people use it when replying to people who request help for situations they are facing and it just sounds demeaning and off-putting. It reduces their struggle to something that's not too serious and can be easily handled.

Just think about when populations of Muslims are subjected to oppression. The perfect case study is the Palestinians. They are currently facing a genocide. And yet, many Muslims tell themselves that God is putting them through the situation they are facing because they can handle it. Because they are 'strong' enough and they have enough faith. No one is meant to face the loss of loved ones, the destruction of your home, starvation, and thirst. It happens because humans can be evil and this is the reality of living on this earth, alongside the tests we inevitably face.The evidence that humans most definetely contribute to suffering is in this verse:

"Corruption has flourished on land and sea as a result of people’s actions" (Surah Ar-Rum, ayat 41)

When hearing this verse, I also used to think about the concession given to a believer if he is being tortured whereby he can utter a statement which disparages and disrespects God or the messenger (peace be upon him), but as long as his heart is clean, there is no blame on him. Why would this exist and be a thing if he is meant to just stoically face the torture as obviously God wouldn't put him here if he couldn't handle it.

What I believe to be the true meaning which I've heard in a lecture by Sheikh Jamaal Diwan is that you won't be responsible beyond what you can bear. So there will be things which you can handle, and you are responsible for those things. But anything beyond that, God won't hold you to account. It's just sad imo how i've heard people considered scholars and learned by a lot of people explain this verse in a way which I believe doesn't help people feel better about themselves. They will eventually feel inadequate that they can't handle all of life's realities or they will feel like their problems are unseen or insignificant when they may not necessarily be. This can lead people to spiral and even commit suicide which we shouldn't be a factor for.

"Allāh does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity." (Surah Baqarah, 286)

This is the famous verse which many people have taken a wrong meaning from. The meaning many derive is that any situation you face, you can handle. This has never sat right with me and it doesn't sound right at all. And people use it when replying to people who request help for situations they are facing and it just sounds demeaning and off-putting. It reduces their struggle to something that's not too serious and can be easily handled.

Just think about when populations of Muslims are subjected to oppression. The perfect case study is the Palestinians. They are currently facing a genocide. And yet, many Muslims tell themselves that God is putting them through the situation they are facing because they can handle it. Because they are 'strong' enough and they have enough faith. No one is meant to face the loss of loved ones, the destruction of your home, starvation, and thirst. It happens because humans can be evil and this is the reality of living on this earth, alongside the tests we inevitably face.

When hearing this verse, I also used to think about the concession given to a believer if he is being tortured whereby he can utter a statement which disparages and disrespects God or the messenger (peace be upon him), but as long as his heart is clean, there is no blame on him. Why would this exist and be a thing if he is meant to just stoically face the torture as obviously God wouldn't put him here if he couldn't handle it.

What I believe to be the true meaning which I've heard in a lecture by Sheikh Jamaal Diwan is that you won't be responsible beyond what you can bear. So there will be things which you can handle, and you are responsible for those things. But anything beyond that, God won't hold you to account. It's just sad imo how i've heard people considered scholars and learned by a lot of people explain this verse in a way which I believe doesn't help people feel better about themselves. They will eventually feel inadequate that they can't handle all of life's realities or they will feel like their problems are unseen or insignificant when they may not necessarily be. This can lead people to spiral and even commit suicide which we shouldn't be a factor for.

"Allāh does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity." (Surah Baqarah, 286)

This is the famous verse which many people have taken a wrong meaning from. The meaning many derive is that any situation you face, you can handle. This has never sat right with me and it doesn't sound right at all. And people use it when replying to people who request help for situations they are facing and it just sounds demeaning and off-putting. It reduces their struggle to something that's not too serious and can be easily handled.

Just think about when populations of Muslims are subjected to oppression. The perfect case study is the Palestinians. They are currently facing a genocide. And yet, many Muslims tell themselves that God is putting them through the situation they are facing because they can handle it. Because they are 'strong' enough and they have enough faith. No one is meant to face the loss of loved ones, the destruction of your home, starvation, and thirst. It happens because humans can be evil and this is the reality of living on this earth, alongside the tests we inevitably face. The evidence that humans most definetely contribute to suffering is in this verse:

"Corruption has flourished on land and sea as a result of people’s actions" (Surah Ar-Rum, ayat 41)

When hearing this verse, I also used to think about the concession given to a believer if he is being tortured whereby he can utter a statement which disparages and disrespects God or the messenger (peace be upon him), but as long as his heart is clean, there is no blame on him. Why would this exist and be a thing if he is meant to just stoically face the torture as obviously God wouldn't put him here if he couldn't handle it.

What I believe to be the true meaning which I've heard in a lecture by Sheikh Jamaal Diwan is that you won't be responsible beyond what you can bear. So there will be things which you can handle, and you are responsible for those things. But anything beyond that, God won't hold you to account. It's just sad imo how i've heard people considered scholars and learned by a lot of people explain this verse in a way which I believe doesn't help people feel better about themselves. They will eventually feel inadequate that they can't handle all of life's realities or they will feel like their problems are unseen or insignificant when they may not necessarily be. This can lead people to spiral and even commit suicide which we shouldn't be a factor for.

As the title states, I have this constant urge to eat. I have a few issues besides this. I may have depression and if not, I'm down for a lot of my day. I have constant headaches due to overthinking. And I most definetely have a porn addiction. In a quick burst of 1 or 2 months, I gained around 15kg and reached 80kg. I want to get to at least 70kg but it almost feels impossible for me to control my eating behaviour.

I have lost weight before and I know what is required. But I wasn't depressed then and as it was the first time in my life I was doing it, there was a good deal of dopamine associated with it. I had a lot more going for me than against me then. I now have posted this as a request for advice and some desperate help.

The Islam I see everywhere is not what I want to dedicate my life towards. This Islam of apperances. Where people will wear certain clothing and do certain actions and believe this is all that is required to come to Allah with a clean soul. They'll dispell their opinions on social media or even on mosque pulpits and influence so many people despite having no knowledge. Or they have read some books but there is no wisdom that accompanies this sacred knowledge. And there's the flipside, the people who judge others based on the clothes they wear. A sister will wear hijab and everyone expects a perfect human. And similarly the men, if he has a thawb and well kept beard he's a sheikh. The treatment is completely different. When did Islam become about the apperance you keep?

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2564)

Seeing this all around me has alienated me from the majority of the Muslim community and I'm sure there are others too. I've buckled when it comes to my religion and my depression has gotten worse. I question so many aspects of the religion and I don't even consider myself a Muslim anymore. I don't pray when I have the choice, and I've been keeping away from the Mosque too due to it's inhabitants. The dilemma is, I don't really know who else to turn to. When all your life has been about Islam and the mosque, where do you turn to when these things betray you and reality feels like it's slipping from under you? I've asked Allah for help and guidance but all I've received it seems is silence. I have a deep pain in my mind due to the never-ending thoughts my situation has left me with. Anyone else feel like this?

I've been addicted to porn for a long, long time. Whenever I have heavy usage, I feel like I get ill a lot more easily than when my use is less frequent. Has anyone else had this experience and is there any truth to this statement?

SPOILERS AHEAD >!SPOILERS AHEAD!<

Angel’s Egg is an animated movie which divides. Some view it as an absolute masterpiece, which is required watching. Whilst others perceive it as dull, boring and lifeless. I think the way you perceive it has a lot to do with the state of your mind and soul. One thing most people seem to agree on is that it has zero plot, however, I believe it has a lot to say. Nevertheless, I would ask everyone to watch it and experience it for yourself. If not for some grand connections and insights which it gave me, but for the beautiful work which has been put into this movie.

The movie first presents a massive circular object. With a closer look, we see statues of people scattered across it’s surface. However, when we zoom out, we see a circle with an imposing eye peering. This I believe to be a representation of God. Especially given that the author of this work, Mamoru Oshii, uses biblical imagery in his storytelling. The movie provides a shot whereby the scale difference between one of our characters and this object is massive. There is an unassailable gap between us and the divine. This is how I understood it. No matter how much we attempt to understand God, we will never be able to in truth.

The world presented is desolate and medieval which is devoid of life or how I understood it, devoid of faith. In the movie, there are two living characters. There is a white-haired girl and a white-haired man. The white-haired girl carries an egg. This egg is something she protects and when the white-haired man asks her what is inside, she never tells him. This egg is everything to this girl. It’s an object to pour her faith and devotion into. And for the white-haired man, it’s an object to pursue, something in which perhaps he can find purpose and answers. The white-haired man tells her to “keep precious things inside you or you will lose them”. This in reference to the egg and he either warns or advises the girl as he knows how this feels.This man has clearly lost something. His eyes are empty, his face void of emotion. And yet, he’s alive and he keeps going.  

What keeps him going is revealed to us later in the movie where the white-haired man reveals that he has seen a bird before. Some links are made to the biblical story of Noah where God sends a dove down to check if the flood has subsided. This is the bird he believes he saw. He wonders if it’s a dream, if everything around him, including him and the girl, are even real. Perhaps all they are, are memories of someone who is long gone. The girl replies:
“It exists, it’s here”
and leads him to a skeleton of the dove where his face completely changes and for the first time, we see some semblance of emotion from him. He utters the words:
“I know that” and “I thought so”
He has finally found that thing to grasp. It’s not just an idea anymore, a distance dream. It’s something substantial and real, and it’s in front of him. However, this isn’t enough. He wants this to do something for him. To spark something in him. But in the subsequent scene, the girl listens into the egg and seemingly hears wings and breathing. The man however, replies to her hopeful words with callous responses. The soft breathing she says she hears, is her own breathing. And the fluttering wings she hears, that’s only the constant wind outside. The shot then pans to his dead eyes where he peers straight on in front of him.

The next scene I want to look at is a scene where there are ghost men patrolling the town. These men have previously also looked enviously towards the egg and the girl has been fearfully avoiding them throughout the movie. These men carry harpoons and the girl informs us that they chase fish
“Even though they aren’t anywhere”
These men are all faceless, they appear identical, and they earnestly fling their harpoons at fish which swim in the shadows. They are also searching after having lost something, and act desperately in the hope of grasping anything substantial, even looking into the abyss.

The movie then moves on to what I believe to be the most substantial scene. The man breaks the girl’s egg, in anticipation of what it contains. The girl, once she wakes up, finds the shattered egg and releases a howling scream. This egg represents hope and faith. It’s an object of devotion for the girl and once it’s been cracked open, she loses her hope and faith. She becomes not too dissimilar from the ghost men patrolling the town. Something precious is lost, and the pursuit of the purpose and joy it gave you begins.

The man has long gone by this point, and the girl in catching up with him dies. The man continued his desperate wanderings. From the skeleton of the dove he hoped in, to the egg he cracked open. He is in pursuit of something. Anything. To make him not only feel, but for purpose. Something to cherish. Something to love. The girl, after death, joins with the circular object or God, yet she appears as a statue similar to the ‘angels’ onboard. She’s lost faith. And she’s not the same girl as was the one with the egg. The girl with the egg had dreams, she had purpose, she had some joy. Now, she has nothing and so she’s represented as a statue.

The white-haired man remains living. He’s not quite dead, yet not quite alive. He does however retain hope despite how crushed and broken he clearly appears to be in this movie. He wanders, seemingly aimlessly, but what he seeks is answers. And I identify with this man. And perhaps the reason I even watched this to begin with, is because I’m wandering just like he is. I believe in God. I want faith. And yet, I can’t seem to grasp it. I want to have faith, but I also want all the answers. Which, in and of itself, is a contradiction. And so I wander, hoping for faith, yet looking for answers.

Angel’s Egg is an animated movie which divides. Some view it as an absolute masterpiece, which is required watching. Whilst others perceive it as dull, boring and lifeless. I think the way you perceive it has a lot to do with the state of your mind and soul. One thing most people seem to agree on is that it has zero plot, however, I believe it has a lot to say. Nevertheless, I would ask everyone to watch it and experience it for yourself. If not for some grand connections and insights which it gave me, but for the beautiful work which has been put into this movie.

https://preview.redd.it/zpo6bi4bkx7h1.png?width=1097&format=png&auto=webp&s=9bb378305ae121ad8f34f8d5f1ba291c16db84a8

The movie first presents a massive circular object. With a closer look, we see statues of people scattered across it’s surface. However, when we zoom out, we see a circle with an imposing eye peering. This I believe to be a representation of God. Especially given that the author of this work, Mamoru Oshii, uses biblical imagery in his storytelling. The movie provides a shot whereby the scale difference between one of our characters and this object is massive. There is an unassailable gap between us and the divine. This is how I understood it. No matter how much we attempt to understand God, we will never be able to in truth.

https://preview.redd.it/brg8t6cdkx7h1.png?width=1094&format=png&auto=webp&s=1db7a503d37638866a1323ca7bd3cd7c254fc410

The world presented is desolate and medieval which is devoid of life or how I understood it, devoid of faith. In the movie, there are two living characters. There is a white-haired girl and a white-haired man. The white-haired girl carries an egg. This egg is something she protects and when the white-haired man asks her what is inside, she never tells him. This egg is everything to this girl. It’s an object to pour her faith and devotion into. And for the white-haired man, it’s an object to pursue, something in which perhaps he can find purpose and answers. The white-haired man tells her to “keep precious things inside you or you will lose them”. This in reference to the egg and he either warns or advises the girl as he knows how this feels.This man has clearly lost something. His eyes are empty, his face void of emotion. And yet, he’s alive and he keeps going.  

https://preview.redd.it/8jy4klfekx7h1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=8d457a7bab891b098dc277eeab9984e2823f9255

What keeps him going is revealed to us later in the movie where the white-haired man reveals that he has seen a bird before. Some links are made to the biblical story of Noah where God sends a dove down to check if the flood has subsided. This is the bird he believes he saw. He wonders if it’s a dream, if everything around him, including him and the girl, are even real. Perhaps all they are, are memories of someone who is long gone. The girl replies:
“It exists, it’s here”
and leads him to a skeleton of the dove where his face completely changes and for the first time, we see some semblance of emotion from him. He utters the words:
“I know that” and “I thought so”
He has finally found that thing to grasp. It’s not just an idea anymore, a distance dream. It’s something substantial and real, and it’s in front of him. However, this isn’t enough. He wants this to do something for him. To spark something in him. But in the subsequent scene, the girl listens into the egg and seemingly hears wings and breathing. The man however, replies to her hopeful words with callous responses. The soft breathing she says she hears, is her own breathing. And the fluttering wings she hears, that’s only the constant wind outside. The shot then pans to his dead eyes where he peers straight on in front of him.

https://preview.redd.it/t24t1xmfkx7h1.png?width=1073&format=png&auto=webp&s=b4a3e016bec2550ddebbb6e567a146a9504c7232

The next scene I want to look at is a scene where there are ghost men patrolling the town. These men have previously also looked enviously towards the egg and the girl has been fearfully avoiding them throughout the movie. These men carry harpoons and the girl informs us that they chase fish
“Even though they aren’t anywhere”
These men are all faceless, they appear identical, and they earnestly fling their harpoons at fish which swim in the shadows. They are also searching after having lost something, and act desperately in the hope of grasping anything substantial, even looking into the abyss.

https://preview.redd.it/qdc0nu8hkx7h1.png?width=1083&format=png&auto=webp&s=99e64d5f3477dcd06871b505f48a8bdb335eca11

The movie then moves on to what I believe to be the most substantial scene. The man breaks the girl’s egg, in anticipation of what it contains. The girl, once she wakes up, finds the shattered egg and releases a howling scream. This egg represents hope and faith. It’s an object of devotion for the girl and once it’s been cracked open, she loses her hope and faith. She becomes not too dissimilar from the ghost men patrolling the town. Something precious is lost, and the pursuit of the purpose and joy it gave you begins.

The man has long gone by this point, and the girl in catching up with him dies. The man continued his desperate wanderings. From the skeleton of the dove he hoped in, to the egg he cracked open. He is in pursuit of something. Anything. To make him not only feel, but for purpose. Something to cherish. Something to love. The girl, after death, joins with the circular object or God, yet she appears as a statue similar to the ‘angels’ onboard. She’s lost faith. And she’s not the same girl as was the one with the egg. The girl with the egg had dreams, she had purpose, she had some joy. Now, she has nothing and so she’s represented as a statue.

The white-haired man remains living. He’s not quite dead, yet not quite alive. He does however retain hope despite how crushed and broken he clearly appears to be in this movie. He wanders, seemingly aimlessly, but what he seeks is answers. And I identify with this man. And perhaps the reason I even watched this to begin with, is because I’m wandering just like he is. I believe in God. I want faith. And yet, I can’t seem to grasp it. I want to have faith, but I also want all the answers. Which, in and of itself, is a contradiction. And so I wander, hoping for faith, yet looking for answers.

Am I considered a disbeliever now that I've stopped praying?

A bit of background first. Just like many Muslims, our family grew up being told that hell is eternal for disbelievers. For Muslims, they will enter hell for a short while to be cleansed, and then they will wade in a river to be revitalised and enter Heaven. As a kid, I obviously didn't think too much about this and went about my life. But now, I've been troubled by this and it has shook my faith.

I don't necessarily disagree with the notion of punishment. There are people who deserve it. But it's supposed eternal nature is where I begin to have questions. What's the purpose of this hell? What purpose is it mean to serve. Interestingly, I remember reading 'A short stay in hell' >!that presents a difficult and horror-filled version of hell. It's not what you think tho. There are no flames, no eternal damnation, and it's even guaranteed that you will eventually reach heaven. All you have to do is find the book of your life in a library that is filled with an innumerable number of books. Long story short, it would take him so long that this time and eternity are indistinquishable. But he will make it out. Now imagine, an eternity in hell. It's terrible.!<

The crime commited to earn this hell is ascribing partners to God. I understand that can be seen as a crime. If I give you everything and yet, you praise someone else or even ridicule me, I would be hurt. But is this how God operates? If someone doesn't delve into religion / spirituality, they don't ignore suffering, and they live a good life, does this person deserve hell for not recognising God. Don't they deserve bliss for being a force for good in this reality?

And finally, I feel more connected to the idea i've seen presented in NDE's (near death experiences) and Buddhism. In some NDE's, experiencers see other people who seem to be suffering. But this suffering stems from them experiencing the pain they've caused other people. What a way to teach a lesson, It's not cruel either. And eventually, after that process, they go back into the universe. And then end goal of all our purposes according to these NDE's, is to learn from each life. So we then eventually reach a particular state or learn everything there is to be learned. Beyond that, there isn't much known. And Buddhism delves into the purpose of our life as being to destroy cause and effect. Cause and effect is essentially what causes everything including suffering. And so, the goal of everyone is to defeat cause and effect. I like that too as they don't impose anything but admit a reality we can't ignore.

How do you guys deal with the notion of hell in Islam?

This usually happens at night. I look at my phone to see the time or set my alarm for the morning and bam, the numbers are the same. For example, it would be 10:43 and I would be on 43% charge. Now I understand, coincidences can happen and I have been told as much. But this happening a few times a week! I feel like it's a bit much and I was interested to know if it meant anything.