u/PeachMons

I’ve been on sertraline for 7 weeks, almost 8 now. I feel my anxiety has improved, less overworrying about being self conscious and repetitive thoughts over embarrassing moments and stuff like that but feel as though my depression is worse, like heaps worse. I find I’m feeling more helpless and hopeless and suddenly start thinking about crashing the car into a concrete wall or thinking about who I can leave shit to in my will. I won’t kill myself but I feel so hopeless on how I’m ever gonna reach a good enough mental state that every single doesnt feel like a fight to get to the end of the day and make it through the night. I’m so lonely. I just want someone to hold me when I’m feeling down and tell me everything’s gonna be alright. I’m sick of crying. I know this is supposed to get worse before it gets better but like how long is long enough to ride it out before I need help because I always feel like I have to reach breaking point before I even consider asking for help and I feel pretty close to breaking point right but also maybe it’s about to turn around. Idk what to do 😞

Home streeeeetch, will probably end up finishing this one tomorrow!

Pretty good way to kill time this weekend :)

Edit:
End of day 1 progress: https://imgur.com/a/8lKubnG

Lately I’ve been coming out of therapy feeling really good but had a bad session today and now I don’t know what to do. I was telling her about how I was feeling about a situation but that I didn’t want to tell her specifically what the actual situation was cause I wasn’t ready to discuss what was happening. She could tell I was visibly upset but kept probing and trying to guess what it was by asking was it this or was it that. I told her I don’t want to talk about it and was in tears at this point. Usually when I’m upset she will reassure me that I don’t have to talk about it if I don’t want to or if I’m not ready but today for some reason she kept pressuring me and bring it up even after I’d wanted to move on. I don’t really understand why she did that and I’m still pretty upset thinking about it even now, at the end of the day. I’m confused on why she did that. I know I’m gonna be replaying the conversation. I ended up divulging a little bit further due to the pressure but didn’t tell her absolutely everything. I feel like she didn’t respect my boundaries and feel a little bit violated even. Things were going so well lately and now I’m rethinking if I should even come back 😩😮‍💨

8 days no weed. My god it’s so fucking tempting to want to reach for the vape after a stressful day. What do you guys do to distract yourself? I’ve already gone for a walk, already ducked to the shops, scrolled my phone, chucked music on. Might go for a drive but I also know my mind is going to wander and I might just feed the anxiety by doing that. Bit rough atm 😩but I’m really trying, just gotta push past the first couple weeks right?!

Used to think i had my use under control and still kinda do but i think i gotta quit or take a break and stick to it to properly assess where I am with my anxiety and other meds im taking. Kinda scary cause the last time I took a three week break (forced to as wasn’t legal where I was travelling overseas) I had suicidal thoughts and the worst anxiety of my life that I was just waiting for the day I got back and could take a sweet hit of relief. But it’s affecting my life in a bad way now, I’m taking days off work just to get high all day to mask my feelings and the best thing I can do for myself is not dig an even deeper hole by losing my job which is currently what’s keeping my life together and keeps a roof over my head, pays for meds and therapy and keeps me purposeful (as much as it is not fulfilling, it means I have a place I’m expected to be at). I think I owe it to myself to give this a shot and let the anxiety meds take over. Would love to hear from you if you’ve taken a break for similar reasons and how it’s going?