Mental health and relationship
Yaar kabhi kabhi lagta hai main life ka tutorial hi miss kar gaya.
Background thora samajh lo.
Main typical Pakistani "acha bacha" tha. Maghrib ke baad bahir jana? Mana. Gali mein cricket? Mana. Doston ke ghar? Mana. Bas ghar, school, tuition aur wapis ghar. Ammi ki nazron mein acha rehna hi meri poori personality ban gayi thi. Na zyada dost bane, na social hona seekha. Jitna bola gaya utna kiya.
Phir university gaya.
Bhai... bilkul nayi duniya thi. Har taraf societies, events, chai, late night gatherings, log apni life enjoy kar rahe thay. Aur main? Hazaron logon ke darmiyan bhi akela tha. Kisi se baat karni bhi nahi aati thi.
Phir aik incident hua.
University protest chal raha tha aur kuch "cool" bachay hamare university bus driver ko bas mazaak ke liye maarne ki koshish kar rahe thay. Banda bechara sirf apni duty kar raha tha. Mujhe bullying kabhi pasand nahi rahi, especially jab samne wala defend bhi na kar sake. Me senior tha on larko se so i took a stand a few of my classmates backed me too. Then whole bus backed and cheered for us.
Pata nahi kis kis ne dekh liya.
Do teen din baad main café mein class fellows ke sath baitha tha. Aik group of girls aaya aur bola, "Bhai zara bahar aana."
Meri to phat gayi. Laga kisi se panga ho gaya.
Bahar gaya to unhon ne mujhe flowers diye, aik chota gift, aik letter aur tissue paper pe phone number.
Turns out unki friend ko main pasand tha.
Kasam se us din main hawa mein chal raha tha. Jis bande ki kabhi girlfriend nahi bani, uske liye ye kisi movie ka scene lag raha tha.
Phir baatein shuru hui. Roz calls, roz chats. Woh kaafi religious thi aur shuru se usne boundaries set kar di.
No touching. No physical intimacy. Kuch bhi haram nahi.
Main ne kaha theek hai. Tumhari boundaries hain, main respect karta hoon.
Almost aik saal isi tarah relationship chalta raha.
Phir meri graduation ho gayi aur woh abhi university mein thi.
Aik mahine baad documents lene university gaya. Campus ke sab se sketchy corner mein usay aik larke k sath dekha
Us waqt dimagh ne accept hi nahi kiya.
Main ne uski friend ko call kiya, socha misunderstanding hogi.
Us ne itni casually bola, "Haan woh dono relationship mein hain. Sirf hug nahi, private flat bhi jate hain."
Us waqt jo feeling hui na... Allah kisi ko na dikhaye.
Main ne us se baat ki.
Aur guess karo blame kis pe aya?
Mere upar.
Uska kehna tha ke maine usay "virtuous" se "bad" bana diya. Uski bhi needs thi. Aur agar main chahta to uski boundaries cross kar sakta tha.
Bhai...
Boundaries kis ne set ki thi?
Us ne.
Respect kis ne ki?
Main ne.
Aur ghalti kis ki nikli?
Meri.
Relationship wahi khatam ho gayi.
Aik saal baad uska call aya.
Uski ammi ne uske dusre boyfriend ke chats dekh liye thay. Photos, GIFs, sab kuch. Chat karte huay hi pakri gayi thi, delete karne ka time bhi nahi mila. Bohat maar pari aur phir family ne jaldi se uski shadi apni family mein hi karwa di.
She said she was hurt and needed support, i could not leave her crying etc. She ranted.
Main ne suna.
Phir shadi ke baad bhi woh chahti thi hum baat karte rahain. Woh apni married life share karti thi.
Bas us point pe main ne mana kar diya.
Nafrat ki wajah se nahi.
Is liye kyun ke mujhe samajh aa gaya tha ke main khud mentally khatam hota ja raha hoon.
Kabhi kabhi sochta hoon, shayad agar bachpan mein normal tarah dost banane diye hote, thora bahar nikalne diya hota, logon ko samajhna sikhaya hota... to shayad main itna naive na hota.
Aaj bhi jab log kehte hain, "University life is the best phase of your life."
Mujhe bas hansi aa jati hai.
Meri university degree se zyada meri innocence graduate hui thi.