u/Physical_Molasses815

I'll try to make this as concise as possible. My FIL has dementia and was being cared for at home by MIL, but my husband I had a lot of concerns and had been trying to encourage MIL to put FIL in memory care for about a year. He was frequently wandering and had become aggressive with MIL.

A month ago, FIL ran away from MIL and was missing overnight from 6 pm until 10:30 a.m. when he was found lying in their pasture by a search party. MIL did not call the authorities or let us or anyone know he was missing until 8:30 a.m. He was found very dehydrated and was hospitalized. DHS opened a case of dependent adult neglect against MIL, and basically she was given no choice but to place him in memory care for his safety. Due to state law (Iowa), she lost financial POA for FIL due to having a founded case of abuse/neglect against him. We also found out from the local sheriff that this was not the first time he had been missing overnight. She never told us because she didn't want to spend the money on nursing home care.

FIL is doing well in memory care, but now MIL is talking about taking him out overnight and eventually taking him back home to live. I talked to DHS, and apparently they have no preventative role and cannot legally prevent MIL from doing this, even with her founded case of dependent adult neglect. There has also been financial issues, with MIL using money from FIL's farm account (30k) to pay for a scam.

My husband and I are working with an attorney to go through the court process to get conservatorship and and guardianship of FIL. MIL does not have known dementia herself, and has always been a difficult person, but her recent actions have us convinced that she is unable to make the best decisions for FIL. Has anyone been through this process, particularly when the incapacitated parent does have a living spouse? I'm wondering how likely it is to go in our favor.

I'll try to make this as concise as possible. My FIL has dementia and was being cared for at home by MIL, but my husband I had a lot of concerns and had been trying to encourage MIL to put FIL in memory care for about a year. He was frequently wandering and had become aggressive with MIL.

A month ago, FIL ran away from MIL and was missing overnight from 6 pm until 10:30 a.m. when he was found lying in their pasture by a search party. MIL did not call the authorities or let us or anyone know he was missing until 8:30 a.m. He was found very dehydrated and was hospitalized. DHS opened a case of dependent adult neglect against MIL, and basically she was given no choice but to place him in memory care for his safety. Due to state law (Iowa), she lost financial POA for FIL due to having a founded case of abuse/neglect against him. We also found out from the local sheriff that this was not the first time he had been missing overnight. She never told us because she didn't want to spend the money on nursing home care.

FIL is doing well in memory care, but now MIL is talking about taking him out overnight and eventually taking him back home to live. I talked to DHS, and apparently they have no preventative role and cannot legally prevent MIL from doing this, even with her founded case of dependent adult neglect. There has also been financial issues, with MIL using money from FIL's farm account (30k) to pay for a scam.

My husband and I are working with an attorney to go through the court process to get conservatorship and and guardianship of FIL. MIL does not have known dementia herself, and has always been a difficult person, but her recent actions have us convinced that she is unable to make the best decisions for FIL. Has anyone been through this process, particularly when the incapacitated parent does have a living spouse? I'm wondering how likely it is to go in our favor.

My husband and I have been actively trying to come up with a plan for his father's care as it was clearly becoming too much his mom, even though she refused to admit it (mostly due to fears about the cost of long term care).

Almost two weeks ago , she saw him leave and climb over a fence in their pasture at about 6 pm. When he didn't return, she drove up and down the road looking for him, but eventually just went to sleep for the night, hoping he would return. She did not call my husband and I and did not report it to law enforcement. She finally reported it to the police at 8:30 am, after he had been missing over 14 hours. There was a man hunt with helicopters and drones and he was eventually found alive but very dehydrated.

DHS contacted my husband and informed him that his mom has been terminated as FIL's POA due to her having a founded case of dependent adult abuse due to this incident.

We have contacted our attorney, who is unfortunately on vacation this week. We aren't sure who if anyone now has financial POA and FIL has been in the hospital almost two weeks waiting to be placed in a nursing home. His social security check goes into their joint checking account, and we will need that to help cover nursing home costs. He will not qualify for Medicaid as he owns farmland and has too many assets.

My husband and I have been actively trying to come up with a plan for his father's care as it was clearly becoming too much his mom, even though she refused to admit it (mostly due to fears about the cost of long term care).

Over the weekend, she saw him leave and climb over a fence in their pasture at about 6 pm. When he didn't return, she drove up and down the road looking for him, but eventually just went to sleep for the night, hoping he would return. She did not call my husband and I and did not report it to law enforcement. She finally reported it to the police at 8:30 am, after he had been missing over 14 hours. There was a man hunt with helicopters and drones and he was eventually found alive but very dehydrated.

My husband and I spoke to a social worker in the ER, and DHS is involved. FIL will be in the hospital until he can be placed in a memory care unit. As upset as I am that MIL did not call us (and finding out from the sheriff that there was a similar incident three weeks prior that she didn't inform us of), I hate to think of her facing charges.

If my fine hair has never been colored and I rarely use heat, is there any reason to use bond repair treatment?