u/PimoParadiseLost

After today’s Watchtower, I’m once again reminded of how fucked up JW relationships are. You’re supposed to view your partner as your “best friend”, yet women are supposed to submit to men and both’s relationship with each other comes secondary to “Jehovah” (really the Governing Body).

They have a very “one size fits all” mentality, but that’s not how relationships work. I’m a straight man, and I’m not a natural leader or “head”. My dream woman is someone who is strong and dominant. I’m the opposite of what a JW Man is supposed to be, and my ideal relationship dynamic is pretty much the opposite of what JW relationships are. I realized that even before I woke up, and it always made me feel like there was something wrong with me, like I was an anomaly. It’s only after I woke up I realized that JW relationships were the ones that were actually wrong and that simplifying relationship dynamics into just one thing is really stupid.

So I’ve always had a thing for tomboys, even before I realized I was a femboy. I don’t know if there’s some phycological reason like because we both are the opposites of our gender stereotypes and opposites attract or something, but that’s just my type. I’m curious how many of you also like tomboys.

For those of you who don’t know, VenturianTale was a YouTube channel where four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) played video games together, mostly GMod. I was a big fan as a kid, but I stopped watching them after a few years because my interests changed from mostly current ish games to mostly retro games. One day after I had woken up I was feeling nostalgic for a lot of those old YouTubers I watched and wondered what happened to them. This included VenturianTale, so I looked them up and discovered that a few years before I woke up they had disbanded and quit, and I was shocked to discover why.

It turned out the siblings had grown up in a very sheltered Christian conservative household with very harmful beliefs. The sisters left while the brothers were told to shun their sisters by their parents. One of the sisters made a nearly hour long video talking about her experience, so I’d recommend watching that video if you want to learn more. All this time I was watching them while being brainwashed by a Christian cult, they were was well.

Now the VenturianTale siblings weren’t JW’s but their story being raised by their parents shares some striking similarities, such as their views on women, the way they were sheltered from the outside world, to shunning once someone no longer believes. Having learned the truth about the channel, I felt a verity of emotions, but mostly it made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

Today my grandfather’s dog passed away (for context, he lives downstairs in my house). It destroyed me, and it destroyed him too. He technically wasn’t even my dog, but he lived with me for so long and I saw him pretty much every day, he was family to me, and I’m going to miss him.

This reminded me of a memory I suppressed and a problem with the paradise. When my family’s first dog passed away, I was comforting myself with the thought that I’d see her again in paradise. Some time after she died, we were visiting my aunt and uncle and I brought that up to my aunt, she told me that animals wouldn’t get resurrected, my parents later confirmed this to me and I was even more destroyed than I already was. I was angry at Jehovah, then my family got mad at me for being a kid who was extremely attached to his first pet, one I’ve known since I was born being gone and being mad that the “loving god” wouldn’t let me see her again. Then I heard about how animals weren’t created to live forever and that’s how Adam and Eve knew what death was.

Jehovah had to have known how attached humans would get to animals, hell animals are one of the main selling points of paradise. Yet he created them to die and for humans to grieve them. Imagine having to live forever and grieve all your pets. If he wanted the best for us and for us to be happy why would he do that?

I don’t believe there is a god, but if there is then he is purely and simply evil and he can go fuck himself.

People in this sub are always talking about how Watchtower is dying, and nothing convinces me that they are dying more than the convention videos. For the past few years they were just reusing clips from the Good News According To Jesus series with fewer and fewer original videos each year. Hell, on the first day of the convention they reused a video that was made 12 years ago.

Why would they reuse old videos and clips from their big dramas instead of making more original videos, unless they really are dying.

Today at the convention they showed the Zack videos. I was already spoiled ahead of time to the “violent entertainment” one, but oh my god, nothing could have prepared me for these videos. They’re fucking horrible. I got so mad watching every single one of them. I was blowing steam out my ears like I was in Tom And Jerry.

Those three old farts were grooming Zack and trying to replace his mom. They’re so out of touch and sensitive. What podcaster or anyone would openly say “is murder bad all the time?” Even the most radical and extremist influencers I can think of aren’t that blunt, or at least will try to backtrack on what they said. Then there’s the video where Zack is annoyed when his mom asks him to get their dog. As a dog owner myself, I can say that the realistic reaction is to stop what you’re doing and get the dog asap. If for no other reason than fearing that he’d get run over or lost. Then there’s the way his dad is portrayed. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an asshole, but he’s not completely wrong when he says Zack should stop parroting what the borg tells him. And honestly, he’s an asshole because his attitude reminds me of a lot of JW’s. And lastly there’s the apostate video. While that question mark on top of the JW Broadcast studio was laughably bad, it’s just another stick your head in the sand and get back on the hamster wheel bullshit video.

These were some of the worst pieces of Watchtower propaganda I’ve seen, and that’s saying a lot. I hated these videos. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated these videos! Hated every stupid idiotic propagandic insulting moment of them!

So today is the start of the convention for me, originally I planed to post about the videos and talks, but then something surprising happened, someone pulled the fire alarm during one of the talks. The speaker told everyone to stay seated and that he would continue unless told otherwise. Once his talk was over, the announcer said the program would be paused until further notice, this “pause” lasted about a minute at most.

Now it turned out to be nothing, but what really strikes me about this is that apparently getting “spiritual food” is more important to them than fire safety. And that got me thinking, “what if there was a fire? Wouldn’t the right thing to do be to get out as soon as possible?”

Let’s say for the sake of argument that Jehovah’s Witnesses were right and the United Nations ends up banning religion exactly as they predicted. Would you apologize to them and join back? Sometimes I see Exjw YouTubers say they would, but me personally I still wouldn’t. Jehovah is an evil narcissistic man child who sacrificed and killed an unthinkable amount of people all to prove a point. He’s not a god I’d worship. The organization also still shuns, protects predators, and prevents its members from getting a live saving medical treatment. Plus, to me “paradise” sounds miserable, I’d rather die than live forever in a world like that.

I’d admit I was wrong for not believing they were “the truth”, but I’d rather die than rejoin that cult and worship its narcissistic God and leaders ever again.

Today at the meeting, the visiting speaker compared “violent entertainment” to gladiators in Ancient Rome. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this comparison, it was in one of the videos, but even as a pimi it never made sense to me.

It’s a classic example of an apples to oranges comparison. The gladiators were real people who were put in real danger, which isn’t comparable to drawings, pixels on a screen, or an actor in a costume. Hell, circus acts are more comparable to them than works of fiction. Besides, the Bible itself is one of the most violent books out there, and even the Watchtower’s “kid friendly” videos and pictures aren’t exactly wholesome.

Most JW’s I know are also inconsistent with this. For example, my dad hates slasher movies and even once said that slasher movie fans are terrible people for being entertained by them, yet he watches Breaking Bad. I also know some JW’s who condemn GTA, Call of Duty and Mortal Kombat, yet they play games like Assassin’s Creed, God Of War, and Halo.

One of my first doubts that I could never rationalize came from the Adam and Eve story. It was probably the first Bible story I ever heard, so I never thought much about it until I was a teenager. Of course I thought about the classic “how is there light and plants without the sun” thing, but Watchtower’s bullshit about the sun already existing and the creation story being a POV from earth satisfied me at the time.

But a few years later I thought of something else. Why would the angels use a sword to guard the Garden of Eden? If Adam and Eve didn’t create weapons in the Garden and if the earth was originally supposed to be a peaceful paradise, then Jehovah was the one who created the first sword. But he’s supposed to hate violence and there’s even a verse in the bible about turning swords into plowshares. So why would Jehovah create the first weapon?

I could never find an explanation or rationalize it in my mind, so it bothered me for years before I woke up.

My parents are going to an international convention this week, so I have my house to myself. Coincidentally, The Backrooms came out about four weeks ago and is still playing at my local theater. So I decided to watch it today. I have secretly seen some r rated movies like Terminator, Alien, Halloween, Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday The 13th (as well as most of those movie’s sequels), Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), etc though other ways, but this was my first time seeing one in the theater. I was really looking forward to The Backrooms movie for a while, since I’m a big fan of the Kane Pixels YouTube series.

If you’re wondering what I thought of the movie, I liked it, it was quite the experience. It feels so good to rebel even a little against Watchtower like this.

One time when I was in service with my parents and this other couple, they started bragging about how they knew more than Bible Scholars. That’s like if someone who only read Dr Seuss books bragged about their literature knowledge.

I’ve thought about that memory for a long time, and it’s always bothered me.

Probably the biggest example of “double think” in the Jehovah’s Witness cult and something that’s always bothered me is their contradiction regarding Bible accuracy throughout history.

We’re supposed to believe that we can trust the Bible because it’s been accurately preserved throughout history, yet we are also supposed to believe there was a big conspiracy to remove God’s name from the Bible and it was successful.

To quote Sesame Street, “one of these things is not like the other.”

I’m sure we’re all aware of tonight’s meeting part about misinformation. We all had a good chuckle when they asked “Do I tend to trust only information that confirms what I want to believe? Or do I keep my biases in check?” with no self awareness.

But I’ve been thinking more about that part and the wording they used, and I’ve figured out what the real goal of this part is. They’re indirectly trying to equate apostates to misinformation (as they’ve done for a long time). They don’t give a shit about actual misinformation, this part is secretly another information control part.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this part is happening not long after the announcement of JW Pressroom. They know they can’t stop all the inevitable response videos, so this is their tactic.

I’ll go first, for me it’s Sonic And The Black Knight. An odd choice I know, but lines like “what good is a world that goes on forever?” and “Every world has its end. I know that’s kinda sad but, that’s why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have.” Really resonate with me now that I know there’s not gonna be a paradise earth.

Spoilers for Transformers One ahead:

First, this requires some context. I went to go see Transformers One back when it was in theaters and I loved it. For those who don’t know, there’s a leader character named Sentinel Prime in the movie who halfway through is revealed to be a lier and a traitor.

Later I showed my dad the movie because one, I was upset that the movie didn’t do to well at the box office and two, I was curious how he would react to the main villain. He immediately knew Sentinel couldn’t be trusted and was the bad guy. Later my mom’s cousin and her husband were visiting us and I also showed them Transformers One, they too figured out immediately Sentinel Prime couldn’t be trusted.

Three pimis could watch a movie with a leader manipulating a large group of people and immediately tell something was wrong, but they can’t do that for the Governing Body.

In a previous post, I talked about how I grew up in a homophobic and transphobia cult that made me feel guilty for doing anything even slightly feminine, including watching shows with a female character. Now I wanna talk about how I grew to be more comfortable with my feminine side.

It’s all thanks to Samus Aran from Metroid. You see, I was a Nintendo kid, so I had Super Smash Bros and was introduced to a lot of characters through it, one of them being Samus. I of course knew she was a girl, and normally I would avoid playing as a girl like the plague, but she was wearing cool battle armor and that made it easier for me to play as her (I also loved Iron Man, and she was the closest thing to him in the game). I loved playing as her both in her power suit and in the Zero Suit, so naturally I wanted to check out the Metroid series, I started with Super Metroid and it immediately became one of my favorite games of all time, and it still is. I played others like Metroid Prime, Zero Mission, Fusion etc that also became favorites of mine. Gradually I became more comfortable with playing as women in video games, I got into other series like Tomb Raider and would mostly pick female characters in fighting games. I gradually got more comfortable doing “girly” things, which eventually led to me realizing I was a femboy.

Today I wanna tell you all about the exact moment I woke up.

I had already watched some apostate videos as a very young teen, and when I confessed to doing so to my parents, they blocked all my internet access except for jw.org and “debated” with me until I was fully gaslit back into the cult. Years after that I graduated high school, and I decided to pioneer. I was told pioneering would be one of the best decisions of my life, my dad always said he never met anyone who pioneered and didn’t love it. But when I did it, I was miserable, not at home after not at home, lone days of being in a car group with some of the most fake and obnoxious people I knew, I didn’t enjoy it.

Then, one day I was hungry and craving some Popeyes Chicken, so I drove to my local Popeyes alone with my thoughts, and on the car ride there it finally hit me, I was promised happiness if I “gave Jehovah my best”, but instead I was miserable. Repressed memories of those videos I used to watch came back to me. In a way, pioneering was the best thing that happened to me, but not in the way the witnesses meant. Instead of strengthening my faith, it’s what allowed me to wake up.

It didn’t take a grand Hollywood “taking the red pill” or “noticing the studio light falling from the sky” scene, all it took was the realization that “the truth” couldn’t provide me the happiness it promised me.

Today during the Watchtower study, someone commented “people hate others who aren’t like them”. Which is incredibly ironic, since that describes Jehovah’s Witnesses to a tee. They hate anyone who doesn’t fit their worldview, they call them “worldly”. They make themselves the victims in all circumstances, even when they’re the assholes. They’re extremely homophobic and transphobic.

I’m a secret femboy, and I have to keep that side of myself secret because I know they’d be disgusted if they found out.

So yeah, Jehovah’s Witnesses lack self awareness. In other news, water is wet, the sky is blue, and the floor is made of floor.